Of Turky, Korean Women, and Missing Money

You have to admit that that's a new title.

Thanksgiving was amazing this year! This was my biggest holiday ever, seeing as how I was at Max's uncles for Thanksgiving. They live in a small but very wonderful house in one of the really nice parts of Rochester. I wish that I had remembered my camera because there were so many people that I would have loved to take pictures of, so many amazing scenes.... I regret not having my camera. But I must say that even though I don't have pictures, the day is still in crystal clarity in my mind. Most of the people there I had met before, but I did get to meet Max's uncle Mat's partners mother. Now Mat's partner Ken is Korean, so of coarse kens mother is VERY Korean! She was so cute and little I just wanted to give her a hug, I love that woman! Oh there where so many people there though, after all in that small house was packed 27 people and 6 dogs. To put this in a bit more perspective the dogs where, and this is in order of size;
1. Mats Jack Russel Terrier
2. Baley, Kens smallish dog idk the breed
3. Babe, aunt Mary's golden retriever puppy
4. Sluggo, aunt Mary's fat chocolate lab
5. Dee Dee, aunt Claudia's black Great Dane
6. Fred, Aunt Claudia's black and white spotted HUGE Great Dane

27 people and 6 dogs in every size imaginable, in a smallish house. I was a bit overwhelmed seeing as how my thanksgivings have always been just My mom, dad and years ago my brother and I, since my brother left all those years ago though It's just been me and my parents. So this was a big step up.

There was so much food too! 2 huge turkeys, a ham, two giant things of stuffing, Indian pudding, squash, and Kim Shi. Not to mention the amazing desert spread with about 6 pumpkin pies, 2 apple pies and a huge scrumptious yellow cake with white frosting and coconut all over the outside! I ate so much desert....... It was amazing. Oh and Max's cousins kids made jello..... with almonds in it. Safe to say that was still there when the night was done.

Aftre dinner every one talked and told stories, it was amazing. And then I played six person euchre with Max, his grandfather, aunt claudia, uncle luke and Max's little sister Hannah, and I was so happy when my team won!!! the whole night was amazing! I loved every minute of it!

Then came sunday........

I had spent twelve dollars over the weekend of the hundred dollars that my mother put in on wednesday. That's all that I had spent because the reats had to go for groceries this week and to pay for my part of the phone bill this month. Well, Max and I stopped at a greek diner for lunch on the trip back to my dorm. We ordered and I decided while we waited to call my banks automated service so I would know EXACTLY how much I had spent, like down to the penny. I'm neurotic that way. And of all the money that shoul have been there, all 88 bucks of it, I had about 9 dollars of it. I almost cryed in the diner. The only reason I didn't was because I didn't want to make a scene. Well Max calmed me down, and told me that he would pay for groceries this week and that if I couldn't get the missing money back in time he would pay for my phone bill and I won't have to worry about paying him back. He's such a sweetheart.

Meanwhile, this morning I called my bank to talk to someone. They found that some company had been taking money out of my account, and I have no idea how they got my account information. They took out 40 bucks on friday and theres another 40 thats pending, and thats why I only have 9 bucks available. Well, the companies phone numbers where atached to teh statement that they had, so they gave me the numbers and I called, and I bitched, a lot. By the end of the conversation they promised that all the money would be put back, and that it will all be fully deposited in my bank within 7-10 buisness days. I have kept there number and the confermation number they gave me so that if they decide not to pay or to mess with me any more I have a little bit more on my side. Also, I had my debit card suspended so no one else can get in to it, and as soon as the money is deposited, my mom is going to go to my bank all the way back home and shift my money to my savings account, close out my checking account, and send me my money via a money order.

I tell ya, crazy stuff every day, every day of my life.

Quote Quote

Max - "I will piss in a cup and make you drink it!"

Ray - "I will not drink that piss. No sir."

I'm Happy!!!!

OK so all or most of you should know by now that Max proposed to me Friday night. And of coarse I said YES!!! He surprised me that night with that. And it makes a cool story, I mean how many people can say they got engaged on Halloween night? I love it. I love him! Oh I'm so happy about that! But everyone, don't worry, we do try to be smart about things, so we set the date for Fall 2010, that way we have enough time to make sure that everything works out and we can save up money and make sure that everything else works, so don't think we are rushing to fast in to things. I don't have a ring yet, so don't ask to see my ring. Max doesn't have the money rite now to get me one, and that doesn't bother me at all because I know he doesn't, after all he's been buying me food ALL semester, the sweetheart, and I can wait. He told me that he was going to get one for me this winter vacation because I'm coming home for the month and a half long break and so he's going to save his extra money each week to buy me a ring. I told him he's not aloud to spend to much on me though. I myself am fine with a 20$ ring, I really don't need much. As long as it's from him I'm happy.

Um, on another note, the suits have been just as crazy as ever. Last week my roommates decided to make a slip and slide in our hallway. I can't make that up. It was constructed entirely of garbage bags and duct tape, with laundry detergent to make it slippery. I'm surprised that no one broke an ankle. It was a lot of fun though to watch my roommates slide down the hall, always very close to having a concussion or strait out dying. I would have done it but didn't feel like a trip to the hospital again. I've been there to much this semester.

Oh and I'm crocheting a blanket! I have never made a full Afghan before and started making this one the day after Max proposed to me, so I know I am going to Finnish it because it has a lot of emotional attachment to it now. It's really cool looking so far, and I know that it's going to look amazing when I finish it.

A lot has happened recently. So much. I don't know what else to write about though because a lot of it has been very personal. But the overall important part is that I am happy. Very very happy!

Ow

Ow!
No, I'll be ok
I just forgot
forgot about the pain
of her being a person
forgot about the tears
she would eventually cry
they've always been there
behind those wide eyes
just waiting for that trigger

-----you

you did it to me
so of coarse you'd do it to her
make her fall for you

your so predictible
manipulating her
making her dependent on you

so when you'd pull that final hit
rite to her soul-er plexus
she'd fall to her knees
broken, eyeshadow smeared
calling me at midnight
to mend her wounds
pleading for a way
to escape the pain

I open my mouth to help her
to tell her how to move on
but my jaw hangs open
silent and still

cause I've studied for this question
first hand for so long
yet still
I have no answer
don't know what type of band aid to use

I can only listen to your tears
be your rock
and silently weep myself

I don't even know anymore........

I don't really know what to say.....um, Max is feeling better of course. No more sickness. Classes are going well, though I have a 6 page essay due on Thursday that i still have yet to do. Yay procrastination! My doctors appointment this last weekend was mysteriously canceled by some unseen force. I was so upset about that. I have another appointment set however for the 24 so I'll be back home then for the weekend. Not much else is going on, or at least not much else that I want to talk about on here. Just a bunch of emotional drama at the moment. It will all get worked out soon. I hope. Rawr. Sorry that theres not much to this one, but hopefully the next one will be more juicy for ya.

Damn, Antibiotics are Everywhere.......

So Max is sick now. My roommates have been sick for like a month, and now my poor hun has gotten sick to. First it was just a simple cold, but soon it morphed in to something worse. Now he has Pharyngitis. I made him go to a doctor today, and so he has antibiotics now. He will be better soon. He's in my room sleeping while I am in the living room on my laptop. One of my roommates, Stephanie, is sleeping on the couch next to my chair. Lucky for me I have headphones for my music.

Life is going somewhat smooth as of late. Monday nights we have hero's nights with friends in the commons room, where we watch Heroes on the plasma screen tv. And when they start open mic night again we are gonna be going to that as religously as possible. Also, Tuesday nights Kaleigh stays over on my couch and the three of us hang out. My life isn't as crazy as last year, but it's kind of nice. I didn't think I'd be able to get used to more regular hours and actually getting a full nights sleep every night, but I'm ajusting.

I'm starting to write more poetry now. I never really got in to writing poetry before this, but thanks to some big influences in my life, including Kami and seeing Buddy Wakefield at the college a while ago, I feel a bit more creative towards it. And any one that knows me knows I live to be creative. This is just turning in to another outlet. Iv'e got a name on All Poetry now to. If youd like to view my poetry,please feel free to peruse the few works I have on there so far. http://allpoetry.com/Alive4aLiving is my site.

I'll write more another time, this was more or less just to update those that still read my blog.

Something New

So I want to give a try a writing poetry...it's not much, but I kind of like where it's going. Also, it's a spoken word, so that's why the lines are kind of screwy.




My Room

Sometimes, when I'm in class
sitting at that desk
writing Sublime lyrics in my notebook
I want to go to my room

Not my dorm room
Not my bedroom
not my boyfriends bedroom,
er....I mean his mom's basement

No, I wanna go to MY room

My room is big and small
My room fits any where I fit
But I don't always fit in my room..

My rooms walls change colors
they change with my presence
my walls are hippie mood walls

My room has shelves everywhere
And they are filled with blue glass bottles

Some of the bottles are beautiful
with frosted glass
and silver bobbles around the necks
I like those bottles

But a lot more of them are dark
and the glass bubbles
and is twisted and gnarled
like dead hanging trees

Some I want to break
So I never have to see them again

I just wish that more of them would be...
easier to look at.





Comment please.

Pardon Me, Give Me My Respect, and Keep it all in Fun -or- I Would Never Trade the Way I am for the Way I'm Not

Classes are going well. I haven't missed a single one yet, and I don't think I'll be skipping any any time soon. So far my favorite class seems to be my Professional Selling class. My teacher for that is amazingly awesome, and I love to sell things so it's pretty much perfect. My US History class is also pretty cool. My teacher, Dr. Harmon, is so cool. He teaches History differently then most teach, so it's easier to learn. Also, he's an awesome individual. He has a really cool sense of humor to. Also, he keeps us updated on whats going on with his court case against the college. Come to find out, Dr. Harmon is trying to sign his Partner up on to his health insurance through the college. FLCC however is being a prick and not letting him add him even though they were legally married in Massachusetts a few years ago. It's crazy because FLCC's lawyers are saying now that to be elegeble they need to go and get married again. So Doc is going in a few weekends with his partner to get marred again.

I've been listening to a different style of music then I normally do lately. It started when I went to a poetry out loud thing by this guy named Buddy Wakefield. I love his poetry, it's just so amazing. I bought his book that day to, and he signed it for me. It helped me think clearer when I heard him, when I saw his raw energy, how much he believed in his beliefs and his clarity of mind, it just helped me see things a bit clearer. I guess you could say that some more of the rose has come out of my glasses. He mentioned the name of an artist while he was up there to, called Sage Francis. I looked him up that night and I'll be damned I loved what I heard. Sage Francis' work is a kind of stylized and beautifully crafted rap for the people. I love it all. And then I started searching for more artists like him. I've found Atmosphere, Illogic, Blackaliciouse and Brother Ali. Honestly, even if you don't like rap, give them a listen with an open mind, actually listen to the lyrics, and I think you'll enjoy what you hear.

Not much else is going on, or at least nothing that I want to talk about on a blog. I am working on some art rite now and when It's done I'm going to post them on my art blog http://www.chopsticksandporn.blogspot.com/ as always. So please, give it a look, and as always, have a wonderful day, a wonderful month, and a wonderful life.


+If we could all rephrase the question from "What was your most embarrassing moment?" to "What was your most embarrassing year?" Then I might be able to give you an honest answer. - Buddy Wakefield

+We know you're not perfect because we're not. And I know I ain't perfect. But I believe I was meant to be. -Buddy Wakefield

OMG I have food!!

I love Max so much. He does so much for me, I mean, he drove 3 hours all summer to come and see me, many time just t o spend a couple days with me, he takes m to the hospital when my tonsils start to act up, when I start to get upset about anything, and I mean anything, he's rite there to comfort me and stays by my side, he buys me food and takes me out for lunch and dinner and puts up with me when I get in a bitchy mood. Honestly I don't know what I'd do with out him.

Last semester, I was living on 20 bucks a week. My whole meal basis for months was just cereal, pop tarts and instant pastas. That was it. Last week, Max spent 50 bucks on food for my dorm. Then, just today he spent like 35 bucks on just food. He's so sweet about it to, I keep saying he doesn't have to do it and he's just like, "No, don't worry, i do it because I love you." He's so sweet!

The whole thing with Allan has calmed down now. He apologized to me, through AIM instead of face to face, but he tried to apologize. That doesn't mean that I'm going to start hanging out with him, in fact I refuse to be around him now, for good reason of coarse. But that whole issue has finally died down.

I got my hair cut to yesterday. I got it trimmed and layered, except the layers this time are actually noticeable. My hair feels a lot lighter now to, yet it's still on the long side, so it makes it perfect for this summer. Max thinks it looks really cute. I haven't been around anyone else really that would notice that I got my hair cut so I don't know what other people think about it. I like it though. Max said that next week he will try to get me some hair dye so that I can dye it red again.

Still no help on the job front. I've really been trying to get a job but it just hasn't worked out yet, I haven't gotten any calls. I think I'm gonna go walking again and try to find some more places to apply to this week. Someplace has to hire me. I just need a job. I hate just sitting around like I feel I am on days I don't have classes.

Well that's about it on the news front. I'll catch you all later.

It is 4:58 in the AM and I Just Want To Sleep!

Holy shit I HATE being up this god damn early! The only reason that I'm up this late is because I'm sick again. That's rite I'm having another problems with my tonsils. Last Thursday, After a full day of classes, ax had to drive me to the hospital, again, because my tonsils were swollen. Upon arrival my first nurse got my paper work done, the second nurse did some computer work on me, looked down my throat and exclaimed "Holy shit!" Because they were so big. They were so big that he called teh first nurse in to come and look, and she informed me that they were the biggest tonsils she'd EVER seen. I've heard that before this summer. Then they get me to a room so I can see a doctor. But first, another nurse. When she looks down my throat, she actually jumped back a bit. Yet again, that has happened before this summer. Then I get a prick of a doctor that is questioning my ability to figure out if I'm really sick again, treating me like a child and speaking down to me. Then he looks down my throat. And funny enough, he realized that I could defined tell that I was sick. Oh and did I mention that EVERY person here told me that I should think about getting my tonsils removed. Every time I almost flipped out on them. I think that after an entire summer of being sick with this same exact bullshit that I would know that I have to get my tonsils removed. Well, the good news is that after October 10th I AM going to be having my tonsils removed. I just have to have my Doctors appointment in Olean that day, and then my newly established insurance can get everything set up down here for me to get my tonsils removed. Thank god cause I need these puppies out. This is the second time that they have given me Clindamyacine. This is pretty much the "anti-every-problem-in-the-book" pill. I web MD'd this medication, and found that it is not only used for problems like mine but also for treating things like - Adult Acne, Toxic Shock Syndrome, Malaria, and necrotizing fasciitis. Thats rite, it's also the Anti-Zombie pill! Necrotizing fasciitis is the flesh eating bacteria, also known as zombification, or Shaun of the Dead Syndrome. So yeah, I may never have to worry about another health problem ever again. Unless it's my tonsils, those bastards will keep bothering me untill I get them ripped from my throat and sealed in a smuckers jar.

Rawr! And now Max just left my apartment. I heard the door close just now. He has to go to work now. Wiich means that I have to fall asleep by myself again so that I can TRY to be a fully functioning human being during classes today. I'm going to need coffee, and a lot of it, in the morning.

Also, I have to deal with a little prick sometime tomorrow. I couldn't believe what happened yesterday. I met this guy named Allan here at the college last week. He is actually Tim's cousin. Thing is though, he seemed normal. He looked normal and acted normal, and seemed like a generally nice guy. Well we said Hi a few times last week, but I rarely saw him seeing that 'm rarely in the lounge these days, just to much to do what with classes and trying to get a job and people like this. Back to what happened, I was with Crystal chatting and catching up on old time since we hadn't chatted all summer. So we were sitting on a couch and suddenly he comes up behind me and kneels on the floor behind me. A little weird. Well I turned and said hi, then turned back to my conversation. A few seconds later, the bastard bit me in the neck! I jumped cause he surprised the shit out of me, and in jumping it made his teeth grate against my skin even harder then he was already biting. I had a big red bite mark on my neck because of him. Oh and did I mention that I was waiting to go and meet max at the suits in about ten minutes? And I had a bite mark on my neck that was clearly visible. And Max is protective enough of me as it is, I knew that he would not be happy about this. Well, unfortunately there is definitely more to this. Well, it freaked me out as you may well know, after ll i was just bit. And before I could really say anything, Crystal got me out of there rite quick. She's met Max and knows that I would never cheat on him. We were walking around the college, steering away from the lounge so that I wouldn't have to deal with him rite then, and talking about what just happened. Also because I knew that Max would flip shit if he saw a mark on my neck as bad as Crystal said it was, she gave me her cold cranberry juice to hold against my neck to get the mark to go away. As soon as I take the bottle away and hand it to Crystal, he's suddenly behind me, grabbing me, one arm around my waist and one between my neck and breasts, like on top of my breasts. I was lost for words at this point, I couldn't believe that he was just man handling me like this, people don't do that to me, not like this guy was. He was being a strait out creep and I wanted non of it. I looked at Crystal and she goes "Hey get off my Bitch she's mine!" He let go and looked at her saying, "She's yours?". She replied with, "Yup I bought her a while ago she's mine." Now I'm still silent now, still trying to process where he got the balls to pull this shit with me when I hear him say, "yeah well I have a bass and pedals so I've got more for her to play with." Can any one say "Pervert"? Well, I kept it cool, I reached over and put my hands on Crystals boobs, as I have done before, and said "Naw I prefer to play with these, they are way more fun." All of a sudden, I kid you not, as soon as I let go of her, he reached up and grabs my boobs, both of them, and says quick as shit, "No I think that these would be much more fun." I grabbed his hands and pulled them down saying a very firm "NO" and turned and Crystal and I walked away. I definitely have to have a very long discussion with him today, set down the line. He was incredibly lucky because After it happened, while I was waiting for Max, I told Ray what happened and he was pissed and wanted to beat the shit out of him. Max arrived minutes later, I told him what happened and he was livid. Both of them were rearing for a fight with him, and we ended up walking to the college to see if he was still there. He was gone by the time we got there, and Max and ray were then pissed about that because they had no way to expell there energy now. So we went back to my place and the boys played some gears of war on the Xbox 360. I still can't beleive what he did to me. I've never been that physically acosted before by some one so blatently being a prick. Now though that I'm over the shock I should be able to stop it from ever happeneng again fromany one because there wont be shock, just me flipping shit on someone.

Okay I'm going to bed now. My meds should be all settled so that I'm not sick when I wake up, so sleep sounds very welcome rite about now. I'll catch you all later, and wish me luck todaywith that prick Allan, cause I'm gonna beat the shit out of him if he tries any of this shit again.

..........mmmmmm..............neeeeeed sleeeeeeeeep...............

So I'm tired, that's one thing goin' on now.

Move in to the dorms was nice and simple, got everything in in just a few trips, and I'm on the first floor so it was twice as easy. My ceilings higher to, so that's sweet, I don't feel tall anymore when i jump and hit my head on the ceiling. Plus my room is a bit bigger, more walking space. It's nice.

max helped me get my room unpacked on the first day, and now I have all my drawings and paintings up on the wall. It's nice, very nice. Already a bit cluttered, but still very nice.

I'm filling out applications now to. Lets see here.......I've got the papers NOW for Micheles, TJ Max, and Olympia Sports store. I'm going to be doing a lot of walking today, handing back applications and getting more. I know I'm also going to be applying to Peebles, Pet Depot, Jo Anne Fabrics, Bon Ton, and some other bsic stores in the area. The only places I'm not applying to are food sercvice places and Walmart. I'm a store kind of person, what with stocking shelves and ringing customers up and that kind of thing. I should have a job soon though.

My classes are going well. I like all of the classes that I have taken up, wich is a rare thing. I normally hate at least one of my classes. But my teachers are all great and I think I'm going toget what I need out of all of my classes. Also I'm taking a profesional selling class so that should help me at my new job.

mmmm.......not much else to chat about. I'm on my period so I'm cramping a shit ton with no midol. But that may be TMI for you. My room mates are al really cool. I think that we are all gonna get together really well this semester. Other then that, I don't know what else to say, I got nothin else.

A deck, my love and limited time.....

So for the past couple days I've been helping to build a deck. Yes, me and power tools and a hammer. No, there hasn't been bloodshed and tears. Yet. Also I've been painting and staining like a bitch! I hate latice work, it takes forever to paint and, seriously, just buy the plastic kind thats in different colors. I mean seriously people. Damn. But hey, it's fun and David is paying me to help as much as I am, and I seriously need the money for college. And he pays well. Very well. So I don't argue bitch or complain. Plus building stuff is kinda fun.

Also, as a note, my love is coming over this weekend. I can't wait, he's been driving me nuts the last two weeks cause I haven't been with him. He doesn't meen to, he just misses me, so I don't get mad or upset with him. How can I get mad at someone for missing me? But yeah, I get my baby all weekend.

On another note, I feel like I'm running out of time, again. Come the 30th I'll be taking the two and a half hour trip back to the college. I mean, I love the college, I love the freedom, but I am also going to miss everyone here. I wouldn't feel so sad but Max and I are getting an apartment together after this semester is done, in the winter. I'm going to be very sad when everything is finalized and I've moved in. Having a place of my own will be nice, and so will supporting myself, but I'm always going to miss westclarksville and all the people here. I mean, I'm going to visit. I'm planning on coming back every Christmas for at least a few days, and sometimes on the weekends Max and I will take the trip down but I'm always going to miss this place. Maybe some day I'll move back and buy my own house somewhere nere. I'm not saying rite away, but of coarse who knows where life will take me. I know though that no matter where I go I will always have a home here, somewhere, and I want all to know that for all the hositality and as well as everyone has treated me, that my apartment is open to everyone. If any of you have are having a hard time and need someplace to crash, need help of any sort, need a shoulder to cry on, or just need a friend, my apartment is always open, and I'm always free for family to call. Well, I will be when I get a cell phone, haha, but yeah. I love you all, and you are all welcome in my home.

My computer battery is about to die though, so I'll post this and talk to you all later. Love you all, you will all be in my thoughts.

An Update

I'm still at Max's if you didn't know. And I'm very sick again. Or at least I was. I wen't to the hospital on Thursday, Max took a half day off to take me, cause he's my sweetheart, so that was good. He took me to this one medical place, only they refused to treat me untill I prepaid 130$ becauise I have an outstanding bill with them for like 160$ due to a past escursion with my dreaded tonsils. So Max had to drive another hour to get me to the hospital in Canandaigua. This was my first time at this hospital and theyt were pretty much amazing. This hospital gave me an amazing dosage of medication . I am on Prednizone to keep the swelling down, wich I don't really think that I need, but am following anyways. Also they put me on Clyndamiacine. I may have misspelled that. Just say it pheonetically. But this medication is insane. I have to take 2 pills (300 mg) every 6 hours, wich means that I have to get up at 4am to take pills. It pisses me off. But I do it because I don't want to get sick again. Also the dr.s there took a full throat culture wich no other hospital has done before, so when they can actually figure out exactly what is wrong with my tonsils, I can add a name to the hell that I have been through all summer.

On a cheerier note, Max and I went to see Dark Night, the new Batman film last night. We doubled with two vwry good friends of ours, Tiff and Peter. They are actually the couple that Max and I met through, so we like to keep in contact with them. Also they are very nice people that we enjoy hanging out with that don't put us through a lot of shit about anything or make anything that makes us to frustrated. Thats hard to find in people because there are only a select few people that Iv'e known for a long time that don't piss me off or stab me in the back. And I do love those friends with all my heart. After all, friends like that are more family then friends to me. Oh yeah, back on topic, last night was a very fun night because we had dinner at there apartment and then went to the movie together. Tiff and Peter are cards to so there wasn't a boring minute the whole night. And the movie was amazing! It was incredibly dark and very violent, and both of those added to Batman makes for a ery amazing movie. And the Joker was creepy shit, but an amazing acting job by the guy who played him.

I do beleive that I am going to go though, the meds have got my stomach feeling queezy, yet again. But have a good day and I will get back to you all soon.

HOLY FUCK SHIT!!!!

I'm gonna try and go in chronological order fpr all this for you, but try to keep up.

1. I went to Warped Tour last thursday, and it was AMAZING!! I got to see Reliant K, Gym Class Heroes, Angels and Airwaves, Pennywise, Street Dogs, Reel Big Fish and Say Anything. It was so amazing fo r me, beiung my first concert and all. I got a Gym Class Heros shirt, a Reel Big Fish Shirt, a Warped Tour shirt and a Say Anything Hoodie. The hoodie has a monkey on it. I like it. Also I got to meet Reel Big Fish, and I mean the WHOLE band! It was so cool, cause i got to shake there hands and they signed a shirt that I bought and Jhonny Christmas said that I was beautiful when I met him! It was one of the best expieriences of this summer. Also I was in my first real mosh pit during Pennywise, Street Dogs, Reel Big Fish and Say Anything, all in a row, nonstop. When I was finnally able to get outr of the pit, I was so dehydrated that I was shaking and incredibly dizzy, if Kami hadn't have found me when she did I may have passed out, I was pretty bad, but she got me water and I think that I chugged like 2 liters of water brfore I was able to slow down and recuperate. It was an expierience to remember, and oine of the most intense things I've ever been in. I can't waitr for my next show.

2. I'm at Max's again. This last weekend was really nice to because Max came down for me and we spent the weekend at Kami's again. On Friday, when he came, Max, Kami, Alex and I all went in to Olean for the day, and that night went to see Hellboy 2, wich was way better than I expected. Also this weekend Max and I will be doubling with Peter and Tiffany out here in Canandaigua. It will be a regular dinner and movie, wich is amazing, I love doing thta kind of thing with Max, it means a good night with good friends and wonderfull entertainment.

3. I'm sick again. My tonsils have flaired up again and I'm going to be going to the hospital again in the next couple hours. Max is so worried about me that he is taking a half day at work so that he can take me at noonish instead of six pm tonight. I've been so lucky to have him this summer, he's been with me every step of the way. Theres only been one time thta he hasn't been with me when I went to the hospital and that was the first time, and only because I was home and h ewasn't with me. He has however been with me the past three times and today makes that four times. I have no idea though how many times I'm going to be in the hospital though, I'm still waiting to find out of the county is going to give me health insurence or not. I'ts frustrating as shit because I need to get my tonsils out or else I'm just going to get sicker and sicker each time. Also no insurence means that I have a tone of medical bills piling up that I just can't pay. I'm not sure what I'm going to do at the moment. Also, if this keeps up its going to be hard when I get back to the college to get a job because I'm going to be sick to much to hold a job down. I'm hoping though that help comes soon, after all, something has to pull through. Either the health insurence or the money from the auto accident that I was in, both are a possibility though neither a strong one. I'm pulling through though, and I have Max here when times start getting to tuff.

4. I just found out that a good friend of mine, Kat, died recently. Luckily it was only for two minutes, she had gotten incredibly angry, I wont go into details, and literally drank herself to death at a party. Thank god a friend found her and called an ambulance. They used the paddles on her but she was legally dead for two minutes. Scared the shit out of me when I found out. I can tell you this though, it puts some things in to perspective to have death come that close to your friends, I mean damn! She's okay though thank god, an dI'm hoping that she stops drinking or at least slows down a hell of a lot. After all, none of us are superman.

He Duck Taped the Remote Control to the Ceiling....

Yeah, this kid drives me nuts. His name is Dylan, and I've been around him so long that I think that my tubes have tied themselves. I can tell you this though, if i ever have kids, they better be mute.

Because this kid is such a... kid, Alex duck taped the remote control to the ceiling so that Kami could watch her show with out him screaming to get the control. We told him that the remote is all his if he can reach it. Luckily, he has a short attention span and decided to play on his moms computer instead.

I'm still alone rite now. I miss Max, a lot. We talk on the phone every night, well, almost every night, but I still miss him being next to me. It feels so strange because I've barely been touched during the past two weeks. I mean, I've hugged Kami and Alex each day when I've left, but I haven't had any one to lean on or just have to touch and touch me whenever the mood arises. It feels strange not to be touched. Also ever since I came home I havent been sleeping as well as I should. Back when I was younger I never thought that sharing a twin bed with someone each night could condone a reastfull sleep, and with past guys, it hasn't. With Max however I sleep better when I'm sharing a bed with him. I love waking up in the morning with his arms around me.

I get to be with him again this weekend, so good days will be here again. Max will be here on Friday and we are going to go to see Hellboy 2 with Kami and Alex. It's gonna be a double date. I've only been on one double date before this. It was with Leo, that shit, and it was where we walked with two friends of ours to a pizza place and the four of us split a large pizza. It should have been a fun night, but the people we were with and the shity I was with made it a pretty shitty nights, as were most times I had a boyfriend at the college. But hey, I lived and I'm happy now and that's all that matters.

Thursday is Warp tour, so when I do get to see Max I'm going to be tired as shit. Warp tour is going to be insane! Like 50 bands playing all in one day, only 35 bucks to here all of them. It's going to be amazing! And I get to see Reel Big Fish! Holy Fuck Shit I love Reel Big Fish!! But other then that.....I do think that I'm going to have fun.

Then tomarrow I'm going to be going shopping most of the day with my mom. She has to get groceries and I need to pull my money out if the bank for Thursday. Also I need to spend like 5 bucks on a small bag to carry my shit in for Warp tour. I don't carry a purse so I need to buy one to put my t-shirts and memorabilia on.

On another note I'm teaching myself the Melbourne Shuffle. For those of you that don't know what the Melbourne Shuffle is, just You Tube it and I promise that you will be amazed. The dancing is awesome. I've only tried it like twice so far, but I downloaded some How To's and when I'm alone during the day at Max's house I'm going to practice in the kitchen. I feel like a bit of a dork figuring it out, so I'd rather wait untill I get a bit better at it to do it in front of people. I like dancing though, and this is something that when I get doing it I can do it almost anywhere and it's a good work out.
I'm going to be getting a job as soon as I get back to the college as well. I'm hoping to get a nice job at the locale Jo-Anne Fabrics. It's a nice store and I know each of the isles and can help costamers with almost any question because of my background with crafting. My mom taught me almost everything when it comes to crafting. I can crochet, knit, sculpt, paint, sew, weave, and just about anything else out there that has to do with crafting. Plus a nice shop job would be enjoyable for me. I can't do food service cause I would never be able to eat out again and also I burn any food that I have to apply heat to.

Well, I do beleive that this is a long enough post already. Hope you enjoy your week and I'll get back to yall soon.

tattoo'd midgets, no health insurence, and some headaches

Yeah, I know, its been a while since I blogged. I haven't had any internet to blog though so there hasn't been much for me to do about blogging.

A lot has happened these past two months. Ive been sick every two weeks all summer. All four times has been because of my tonsils. I need them taken out but my health insurance company decided to drop me, so I can't get them taken out like I need to. It kind of sucks ass.

I've been skipping back and fourth between my house in way low NY, all the way up to Williamson NY all summer too. My Max lives up there and I spend a couple weeks here at home and then a couple weeks up there with him. I have a lot of fun up there to. He's the only one that I could spend three weeks with and not want to kill. That kind of guy is hard to find.

I think I'm gonna spazz though because a fly keeps landing on my arm and god damnit it's pissin me off!

Also a few days ago I went with Kami when she got her tattoo. It's a beautiful fairy tattoo, and I loved watching the guy tattoo her. I have been toying with the idea that maybe I might try out becoming a tattoo artist. It's an idea to toy with at least.

Im selling my guitar tomorrow. Not my electric one but my acoustic one, good old Chaz Addams. I don't really mind though because I'm thinking about switching to base, it just fits me better. I'm too laid back to play guitar.

Max is coming back to me next weekend. We are gonna go and see Hellboy 2 with Kami and Alex as a double date. It should be pretty fun, they are really good together and we all get along so well. Hell they love Max, Kami and teh family have pretty much adapted him. I'm glad for that to because after my fourth semester Max and I are going to be moving in together somewhere in canandaigua. I like that he gets along with everyone and that they all like him because he's gonna be around for a long time so this makes life easier.

God I'm so tired and I have no idea why. I got more then enough sleep. I'm thinking that I just slept a bit off.

Oh and hey I wrote a very short story that I think everone here may enjoy. If you could just leave me a massage about what you think about it.


BlooD

I had to pause long enough to clean the blood off of my glasses. I’d take them off, but then I couldn’t enjoy watching my customers face caving in. I need to find a new job.
As I watched the bitch’s head turn to a funky congealed mess, I fell in to a quiet Zen like state. In the tranquility of the moment, I began to reflect on the events that led to this moment. And in the sepia toned snapshots of my memories, I realized something; I’m fuckin nuts.
I should be on medication. The kind where ten percent of the people that use it get intense depression and kill themselves. I would probably be in that ten percent. Maybe if I had killed myself, I wouldn’t have killed all those people.
Evan as I realize this, I know that I’m not going to go to a doctor when this bitch is dead. I’m not going to sit on that couch and tell him that daddy didn’t hug me enough. I know this because deep down in my heart, I believe that all those fucktards deserved it.
Also because I have a date tonight with the hot chick from the book store. God I hope she’s not a zombie like the last girl. Lately it feels like all the hot chicks are reanimated corpses.
Well, except for the last woman. She was just a bitch.
You can always tell when they are dead already because they care to much about there appearance. If they do that then they are hiding there dead flesh from us so as not to assume they are the godless. I won’t say that I’ve been rite on every girl that I thought was a zombie, because my method does have it’s errors. But at least I’ve gotten a couple.

Long Time no Blog

Yeah um a lot of shit has been going on, hence my not typing anything here. As an update, I'm back home again, wich means that I only have internet when I walk to kami's and they dont have any internet for a while because there internet has been quarenteined. I think thats spelled wrong. But yeah there cousin was watching massive amounts of porn on all the computers in the house and all the computers are infected with a shitty virus, so Roadrunner has cut off there internet untill they get them profesioanally cleaned. So no internet for another week at least.

On another note, Max and I are still together, happier than I thought I could ever be with a guy. I spent last week with him at his house actually, and had a blast. I may not get to see him this weekend however because his car is busted. The week I was with him I ended up helping him do a break job on his car because the breaks went out. We had to replace both of the rotors on the drivers side and replace all the breaks. I had fun. Poor Max doesn't know shit aout cars though so I helped him out with it. Luckily I enjoy working on cars, so we had fun, all except for the blasted mosquitos.

But yeah, It was our one month anniversary on June 9th and the way we are together, I think that there are going to be many more months ahead. He realy is a sweetheart.

Im writting this in BOCES on Mr.P's computer. Havent been to BOCES in quite a while so I'm having fun. It's nice to touch base with people and here the latest news and gossip about all thats going on. I've found out some amazing stuff about old classmates and herd some good stories already.

Oh and last night, Kami decided that if I become a stripper, that my stripper name will be Clitorasaurus... Cause I'm tall. I don't want to see the costume that goes with that name, bu I bet theres a lot of spikes.....

Theres no other news really. Nothing bad is going on, life is going pretty smoothly, and things could definetly be worse. So yeah, I'm gonna go now and chat some more with Mr. Sanchez.

Best Road Sign Ever!!!!

I shit you not, while driving with Max, we saw a road sign that said:

"Caution: Handicapped Child"

I can't make that up! Thats funny shit! If I get a pic. of it, I'll put it up

promise

A Bass Player, Some Kripple Jokes, and Some Coffee

Yeah so, the bass player, Erik, totally stood me up. I kind of should have expected this, cause it's him, and the past we had, but yeah, kinda stung a bit. He's pretty much been blowing me off for like three weeks now, we would set a date to hang out, then I'd never see him or if I did it was for like five minutes. So yeah, I'm kind of sick of this and he is so not worth it, I decided that the night he stood me up.

Well, on Thursday, I was talking to Tiff online, and mentioned that I was stuck at the dorms again this weekend, and she was like, "Dude, we're having a barbecue at our place Friday night, we will like come and get you and you can stay with us for the weekend." So I was like, Score! First barbecue of the summer! Hell yeah. So I get there, and Tiff and Peter have two of there friends from work over as well, and I'm introduced. The first of which is Greg, who is paralyzed from the waist down, and in a wheelchair. Now, to introduce us, tiff go's, "This is Greg, he's a cripple." I was laughing so hard because she just said it so matter of factly, I loved that, and he was laughing too. Like the whole night was filled with cripple jokes and he was making just as many as everyone else. This guy is like so awesome, I love him like honestly, he's an awesome guy.

The other guy that I was introduced to was Max. Max, which is short for maxwell (Like the coffee), is this really cool guy who is heavy into ska and art and martial arts and all this other awesome stuff, he's like awesome. And at one point in the night, Tiff Richard and I showed Peter, Greg and Max how to play lunch money. Well, I had made a small joke that I can't even remember now, and it had a slight sexual context o it, and he blushed a little. Well, he left the room for a minute to go to the bathroom and Tiff told me that when he likes a girl and they make any kind of sexual comment or even just touch him in the arm, he blushes, and that's why he blushed when I said that. So Zack and the others were like, "you have to do everything you can to make this kid blush tonight, see how much he can take!" And since he was cute, funny, and that I'm single, I took the challenge. So he returned to the room, sat Indian style next to me, and Zack was like, "start now, come on" so I leaned in to his side, put my arms around his neck, and kissed him on the neck. I have never seen anyone blush such a deep shade of red! It was so cute in that goofy sort of way! Now this was as far as I went because he was really red after that and I can only push this poor boy this far, cause I'm just not that mean. Well, the others didn't see it that way, and tiff kept trying to get me to cup his balls to make him tweak out and asking him if we were gonna have sex, and with every comment he got redder and redder, and I kid you not, he got so red and flustered that he had to leave the room and step outside for a few minutes to get his breath and his thoughts collected. I couldn't believe this sweet sweet guy could be real.

So later this night, Greg goes home, and Zack and Richard and Peter and Tiff go to bed, and him and I stay up in the living room, talking about what seemed like everything that had ever happened to us, and he told me things he's never told anyone, and I actually told him some things that I really need to trust someone to tell them about. We then went to things like, music tastes and pets and our pasts and the stupid shit we and our families have done over the years. We were up until 5 am, and then decided that we were so going to bed. Now there was only one bed left, the one in the living room, and we decided to just sleep next to each other because after all that we had to divulge we may as well. And I sit there and go to lean back and he's suddenly there, next to me and an arm under me and an arm over my waist. I of coarse don't mind this because I've been single for a while and to have a guy have his arms around me again is amazing! So I didn't argue, plus after the hours of talking heart to heart I really began to like this guy. Well, we lay there for about a minute and suddenly he puts his hand on my face and pulls me in for a kiss, and we kiss a couple of times and I break it off because I'm like, "It really sucks that I'm going home soon." He hadn't known that and I didn't feel rite getting his hopes up when I'm going to be like 2 hours away from him soon. And you know, he looked dead at me and said, "Honestly, your the first girl I've met that I am more then willing to drive two hours to see." And the thing is, when he said that, he was looking me dead in the eyes, and it's incredibly rare that I can find a guy that will say something like that, looking me in the eyes, and for me to actually beleive it, it's so rare.

Well, I don't know whats going to happen, and I'm not putting any guarantees on anything, because after everything that's happened to me, I just can't get fully invested in a guy this early in, I just can't so I'm taking this really slow. Although, if he does end up coming down to see me sometimes then all of you back home will get to meet him, and honestly, I think you'll like him. he's very easy to like, goofy and funny, and a generally nice and sweet guy.

Well, I'm dead fuck tired so I will talk to you all later and I totally love you all, an dmiss you and will so be home soon!

The Phone Call, A bass Player, and the Deep Sexy Voice That is Temptation

"before the beginning of great brilliance, there must be chaos." -wisdom from my fortune cookie

Wow, my life is so effed up! It's like, I have these huge spurts of really bad shit going on, and then I get to have a time period with problems that I like having. Like, normal problems that I can totally deal with. Well, normal is kind of subjective because normal for me is almost never normal for another person.

My first problem was that two days ago, I had to call my dad and break the fact that I have a tattoo to him. Mom was originally going to tell him, then she told me Monday that I have to tell him myself. So I'm spazzing about this all day Tuesday, cause I just know that he's gonna spaz out on me, and I can't call until like 7pm cause he doesn't get home till then and he goes to bed at 8pm, so I had a very small window. Since I had a class during this small window, I had to step out of class to do this, and I used Kat's phone to call. Here the the ensuing conversation:

"Hi Dad!"
"hey hows it going?"
"Realy great!"
"Thats good."
"Yup, and um...theres something that I have to tell you. But first I wanna say, I love you"
"Your not pregnant are you?"
"No dad and thanks for believing in me. No um...Friday I kind of got a tattoo..."
"Oh great! You know thats permanent rite?"
"Yeah trust me I know, I did all the research before hand."
(Silence)
"Your not to mad are you dad?"
"Well it's kind of hard to be, I mean, I can't tell you to take it back and get your money back."
(silence)
"Ok your officially cool dad!"

So yeah, I thought that Dad was going to flip, and he didn't, and that was totally awesome for me! the best part was, he put mom on the phone after that little awesomeness, and my mom is mad now! She was so sure that dad was going to flip on me and now she's mad because he was cool about it. My parents are so fucked up, I love 'em!

Now comes the next part. I've been flirting with two guys as of late. I honestly didn't think that anything would come from either one, with it being that semesters going to end very shortly and that starting a relationship of any kind other then friendship would be rather pointless since I live so far away.

well, my life aperantly doesn't adhere to those simple implied rules of normal life. I've been flirting with My Denny's Guy because he is incredibly good looking, a wonderful guy to be around, and just someone that I genuenly like. Also, I figured it's no big deal to flirt with him because of the fact that I'm never gonna see him again after this semester because he's moving to Florida in 2 and 1/2 weeks. So nothing is going to happen, neither of us are in a position to start anything. Wrong, because he's actually taking the bait, is texting me to come hang out at my place after his classes are done, and if he sees me walking down the hall or sitting somewhere he comes over to chat with me and all, and when ever he leaves he gives me a great big hug, although is very careful of the tattoo. Did I mention he's cute. But yeah there is that.

Then there is Erik. Erik and I have been texting back and forth for a few weeks now, and talking on AIM. We would have talked more face to face but our schedules clash in a very not-cool way. However he is coming over tonight to see me. I'm making him dinner, chicken alfredo, and we are prolly gonna chill with a movie afterwards. He's spending the night to because he has classes tomorrow, so my couch is going to be occupied at least. But he has made it rather clear that he wants to go back out with me again. And you know, I think I'm gonna go out with him again. Don't get me wrong, I still love Andrew, and will probably always love him in a way, with him being my first love and all. However, I can't be this broken forever. I really do need to move on with my life,to keep living it. And I think that Erik can help me with that weather he knows it or not. He is very sweet, genuinly cares about me, is stable, has his life together, will be able to keep me out of trouble (I hope), and will definetly be there for me when I'm gonna need him. He's the safer and more stable choice of the two, so I think I'm gonna choose him. Also, he is cute, can make me laugh, and I do feel attracted to him. We have a history to which makes it easier to be around each other. I've got other options of coarse, I mean Brandon has told me that he wants to leave his girlfriend for me, which is exactly why I don't want to got out with him. If he's wiling to do that to her, he would do it to me, and I'm not gonna put myself through that. Then joe wants to go out with me, and I'm so not touching him with a ten foot pole. Kaleigh wants to go out with me, but I see him as a goofy little brother that ate paint chips as a kid. Oh and Richard wants to go out with me, and he's really sweet, has money, a lot of money, and a gamer, but I don't know, I don't really think that he's the one for me. So I do have choices, I just think that I want to chose Erik.

Theres not really much else going on rite now. I'm doing a lot of projects in art rite now, so thats keeping me busy and out of trouble. Oh and mom's gonna pierce my ears for me for my birthday, which is coming up soon. My Birthday is on the Thirteenth so don't forget to wish me a happy birthday! My tattoo is healing very well, in fact it's kind of ahead of schedule in it's healing process. I'm still very happy with it and can't wait to show it off in West Clarksville. nothing else is going on actually. So I guess that I will post again later. Love you all and bye bye!

Country Music, a Tattoo, and a Cop

I keep saying to this guy I know that I want a boring life. I've said that so much the past two weeks. I truly felt that that is the one thing that I want, and I've made the realization that that is one thing that I'm never going to have. I can wish for an 80 gig Zune, a 2008 Porsche, world peace- and all of those, I will get before I get a boring life. I can't really complain either because I know so many people that are so bored with there life and complain about how nothing ever happens to them. And here I am complaining about having too much going on in my life. I'll tell you this though, I've always got a new story.

So heres the run down of today. Not a rundown of a couple days, no, the rundown of one day, ONLY ONE DAY!

Wanted to make that clear.

So, picture it, it's 8 am, and I just get up, so my hairs messed up, the basic pattern being similar to that left from an explosion, and I stumble to the bathroom. I do the basic necessities needed at this hour.

After I get dressed, I head to the kitchen and start to pre-heat the oven. Theres a knock at the door, it's kat, early for once in her life. She sits at my counter and watches as I put the cold cinnamon rolls on the baking sheet. We chat for a while, joking about life and classes, being normal college students for once. Soon the timers ringing and the smell of cinnamon rolls waft out of the oven. Between the two of us we ate all eight, and then walk triumphant to my room to talk some more.

At 11:00 am we walk to the college to await my appointment. We get to the lounge and talk to the normal gang of weirdos and outcasts that we hang out with on a daily basis. It's May second, so theres a lot going on with a whole lot of activities going on. I stay in the lounge though awaiting My Denny's Guy.

My Denny's Guy, is Kyle, and I call him My Denny's Guy because he works at, well, Denny's and I almost always forget that his name is Kyle, don't ask me why, but I do. Now, My Denny's Guy is so cute! Like he looks good. A little thinner than I normally go for but he's still adorable. Now, I'm fresh out of a relationship and I found out early that so is he. He was dumped by his girlfriend of a year a month and a half ago, and am feeling the same way I do - lonely but not in a position or state of heart to start going out with anyone. So he's some one that I can lean on and talk about pretty much anything with. My god, in the Chinese resteraunt we started swapping embarrassing sex stories. This conversation lasted for a while.

Part of what I love about him is that he's from the city, like big city city, and yet he is an avid country music listener. He has the most amazing voice to, his voice sounds like Josh Turner, no shit! If you don't know what he sounds like, find Josh Turner on project playlist cause his voice is amazing. And My Denny's Guy sounds JUST like him. God I love hearing him sing! And the entire time we were in the car, which was a total of about 2 hours together, we had the country station on, and we sang every song that played and we knew. I loved it.

When my appointment came up we headed to the tattoo parlor. this place is AMAZING!! The inside looks cooler then what you see on tv by like three thousand times! the place is called Amazing Grace tattoo, and the entire experience was amazing!

(no exclamation marks were harmed in the making of this paragraph)

The guy that was going to do my tattoo, Ryan had to defer my tattoo to John because his appointment was running way over what he had expacted and you can't rush a good tattoo. John however took amazing care of me. And he did my tattoo beautifully. It took about tow and a half hours and cost me $220, but it was so worth it.

Now the thing is that we were pressed for time because of the fact that My Denny's Guy had to be at work at five. So they new this and thats why Ryan deffered me to John, so that we could leave in time. Problem was, he thought that he could get it done in the alloted time, and couldn't. So my sweet sweet My Denny's Guy called in to work to tell them that he was going to be late. Now this was an hour into the tattoo, and this whole time, the process didn't hurt. It was fine. The minute it hit that hour and a half mark though, man did that start to grate on the nerves!

Of coarse, I didn't do the conventional thing. What your supposed to do is get the outlining and basic shading done, leave, let it heal fully, and then get the color done. If you do it all in one sitting, it's gonna hurt like a bitch! And guess what? Thats true. I learned this the hard way. So now the pain is really hitting me, and My Denny's Guy is sitting in front of me in a wheelie chair, just watching him tattoo me, texting, and generally being there for me, and the I start to feel the burn!

So, as those of you that know me personally, I use humor to get through things. So out of the hum of the tattoo gun, I go-
"So this kid is playing in his mom's closet, and if you didn't know, this is a joke"
That got My Denny's Guy laughing already, and all I needed was to get him laughing to start to make me feel better. So I told some jokes, and in between thinking of another joke to tell, he told me jokes. So needless to say, that last hour would have been so much worse if he hadn't have been there for me. I thank him a lot for that.

So I get the tattoo finished, and I pay the $220 to the man, and we leave. Now Amazing Grace is on a very busy main street in Geneva, so he had to find someplace to urn around, but safely. He turned into a street and turned around, except, something was off. He said, before we pulled into the main street again, "why are there no signs on this side of the street?" He had accidentally gone into a one way street and left it going the opposite way. Now that;s a basic mistake because there was no visible sign saying that it was a one way street. Problem was, a cop saw this and pulled us over very shortly afterward.

While talking to the cop, My Denny's Guy guy explained that this was his first time driving in Geneva, which it was, and that it was an accident. The cop was like, "yeah thats cool, it's ok, I'm just gonna give you a warning."

Then he noticed that his inspection sticker was five months expired.

then when he put his info into the computer, found that his license was expired in the county that we were in, and only that county.

So, poor My Denny's Guy was taken to the Geneva courthouse. The cop told me, as the guys were towing My Denny's Guy's car, that he had to do a few pieces of paper, and then with the bail money given to him, he would be let out in like ten minutes.

So My Denny's Guy gives me his debit card, and I walk the yard to the bank, and take out the $250 that the cop said was needed.

And on the way back to the car, I somehow

lose

the

debit card!

I can't make this up. This is my life. So I get to his window after checking my pockets like 300 times, I was like, "ok, ummm, something else just happened, and, ummm, I love yoooou, just wanted to get that out there, um, keep that in mind, but, ummm, I somehow just lost your debit card." So I told him to call his bank like ASAP and tell them that it's lost so that no one can get money out of it. Luckily he wasn't upset about it.

So the cop takes him to the courthouse, leaving me on the street waiting for two of my friends, Tiff and Peter to come and get me. They get there, and we swing over to the courthouse, and the women tells me that, for some reason that I can't remember, cause it was retarded, he had o wait for the judge to get there to set his bail, then he could be let free. When asked how long that would take, she said that it would be between half and hour to tomorrow. Now Peter isn't to happy because they had something that they were going to and now they are late to it, so they want to leave now, and I don't really have a choice at the moment, I have to leave with them.

I sent spit fire text messages to him, while they aloud him to have his phone, which wasn't long, and was taken home. Upon returning, I took a quick trip to Wal-Mart for instant pasta and sliced cheese, a pre-made sub, and a small container of jello, because me blood sugar was way too low. By the time I got home, I was shaking from it. So I scarfed it all down and felt better rite quick.

However I was still worried about My Denny's Guy. After all I had to just leave him there. Even if I had stayed though they said that I couldn't stay with him at all, so either way I was stuck stranding him. I still felt horrible about it though. I got a text a few minutes ago saying that he only just got out. this is at 8:30 at night. They had waited two hours to call the damn judge. For those two+ hours, he was handcuffed to a hard wood bench! It's absolute bullshit if u ask me. But his mom was on her way to get him so he is ok now.

So yeah, my day has been....I think that intense is the best way to put it. Today was deffinetly not boring. And you know, for all the bad that happened, I can't complain to much, just because this is my life, and I'm kind of used to this on a daily basis. Now, My Denny's Guy doesn't have these kinds of days, so lets just hope that he deals with this in an ok manner. I'll be there for him in a heart beat though, so he's not gonna be alone. Not again.

ummmm......

Yeah I went walking by the lake.....in a low cut spaghetti strap top.....and I'm only sunburned on the right side of my body........so remember kids, ALWAYS wear sunscreen......even in the winter...just in case.

Life Sucks Ass At Times, And Then A Bass Player Comes Along.....

Oh my god, my life is so exciting that I want to die. That is not sarcasm. My life has too much excitement and too much complication. I feel really, I guess hurt rite now, yes hurt is definetly the word for it at the moment. Andrew is here, and I've known that we've broken up but, I don't know there has still been that little bit of hope in the back of my mind that maybe he would want to stay with me these last few weeks of semester, but what he said kind of hit a nerve and it really does feel finalized now. It wasn't even much, we were joking around, picking on each other, and he did one of those dumb guy things that make him so lovable, and I rolled my eyes and he said, "Hey, YOU dated me." And thats not much, but him putting it in the past term really struck a nerve. Before when that always came out of his mouth it was never a "was", it was an "are", as in present. I hate how much this hurts, the only thing that is going to help me heal from this is that I'm never going to see him after this semester. There was more that he didn't tell me. When he signed those military papers, he signed his life away to them for six years. And they are stationing him in every state but here it seems. So at least if he's not around it makes it easier. Honestly I do better coping when he's not around. It's not when he comes back, it's when he leaves again. It's just really hard to take. I've got to deal though and cowboy up as they say. After all I can't let something like losing someone I love ruin my life. I've got to remember the good times I had with him and just be happy that I had those good times. Tiff, said something to me that really helps me out these days to. She told me about how there's this saying that every person has three great loves in there life. Some people say that it is your mom, dad, and the man you love, while others say that it is the three guys that you fall in love with with all your heart. Well, Andrew was my first great love, and I feel happy that I've been able to feel that love and knowing that I can and will feel that way again, makes me smile, because it doesn't feel like I'm losing love, just waiting until my next comes along.

And that's not even the most grrr part of lately. Now this takes a bit of back story. There is this guy at the college, his name is Adam. Now Ray and Sam don't like him, at all. I don't know why, but they seem to hate him, I'm not clear on why. The thing is, last week, Sam came in all mad about things in her life, and decided that she wanted to take Adam's bag. Ray came in at this time and said yeah, lets take it and put it in the green house. I didn't think that anything was going to come of this, after all the only people that go to the greenhouse are teachers, so I figured that the bag would be found in like an hour, taken to security and all would be well. So I followed a few steps behind them because I wanted to talk to Ray, and so I waited to the doorway of the doorway to the way to the greenhouse because I didn't want to be a part of it. thing is, the security camera, the only one in the building, caught me walking a few steps behind them and so Adam, being a, I guess you could call him a friend, IDK, came to me and asked if I knew anything. I told him what happened and come to find out, Sam stole his PSP out of the bag. Adam asked me if I could go to security and tell them what I knew so that I could #1 clear my name because my face is on the camera and #2 help him out because of what Sam did. And I did, because I don't want to be a part of it, I gave them a written statement about what happened on Friday. Monday, Ray and Sam went in and gave there statements. Now heres the kicker, last night, I'm in my late night art class, and suddenly security came into my class and escorted me down to the security office. Heres the thing, Sam had just come in, handed them the PSP that she stole, and told them that the day before I texted her and told her to come to my room. Allegedly I told her that I was sorry that she was taking the rap and gave her the PSP. Heres the thing, Adam knows that I didn't take it, and the camera shows Sam holding and taking the bag, not me. Adam told me when I told him what I knew that because I told him the truth that he would vouch for me. I called Adam after they let me out of the room and told him of how they were talking about pressing charges on me and they were gonna start finger printing and all of these other things, and he came strait to the college, down to security and told them that if they even tried to press any kind of charges on me that he was going to pull out because they can't charge me with anything involving it with out him there to back them up. So Adam came down and cleared my name thank god but it was still rather upsetting to say the least.

Then theres the fact that I found out who told Sam to pin the whole thing on me. For those of you that know him you are going to be slightly shocked about this, but Ray was the one that told Sam to just pin it on me. A very close friend of mine was in the lounge when they were talking about it, and they never thought that she would come to me with the information. So yeah, someone whom I considered my best friend stabbed me in the back. He told her to do it because i told Adam exactly what happened, and they were mad, so they figured that I could shoulder the whole thing. I'm telling you that it's times like these that you realize who your friends really are. The other thing is to, the girl that gave me that information, was the only other person there when they were talking. She doesn't want to get involved and if Ray finds out that I know that he told Sam to pin it on me, then he would know who told me, and he would try something on her for it, so this means that I have to placate and pretend that I'm still friends with Ray for the last weeks of semester so that he doesn't go after an actual friend of mine. When I was talking and laughing with him today I wanted to stab him. this is going to be hard.

The only things that are cheering me up is the appearently never ending sweetness of Erik. yes thats Erik Strassner, the very same first boyfriend that dumped me after a week at the beginning of last semester. He contacted me a while ago as you all know, and we've been talking via texting and AIM. We finally got to actually talk to each other today for a while. I mentioned last night when all that started that I needed a new set of friends and a boring life. I must say that the boy is good because he replied, "if you want I can give you a boring life". I had forgotten how sweet of a guy he is.

Now before you all tweak, I'm not gonna go out with him ,not rite now. I'm just trying to get over this with Andrew, and I just feel that at the moment, I'm kind of damaged goods. I just need some time to heal. tomorrow hopefully I will be able to sit him down and explain this and tell him that if all the things that he is saying to me is true, then for the moment he can be happy with him just becoming a close friend that I can lean on for support in a time when I really need it, and if I'm better when next semester starts, which I prolly will be, then I will be more then happy to go out with him again. If he wants more then that now though, then it's not going to work out, what he's been saying isn't from his heart, and it proves that he's not worth my time.

It would however be very nice to have a guy here that I can lean on during times like these. Before I had ray, and then I got very reliant on Andrew to lean on. Now, even though Andrew says that he's still here for me this semester if I need him, really won't be because he's only here now maybe once a week, and I can't schedule my disasters to his life. I don't operate that way. And then Ray is no longer someone that I can lean on, not after what he did to me. So Erik would be a good candidate for that. He is sweet, always knows what to say, and honestly, I need someone rite now, someone here at the college, and if he want's to be my rock here, then I can't say no. And after all the people that I've been hanging out with here I know that he can help me meet some people that are not into way crazy illegal stuff and he can give me the boring, non drug life that I need rite now.

Honestly, for the next few weeks and next year at college, I'm gonna lay low. Like really lay low. No more crazy shit, no more anything that I've been doing, I just want a boring non-eventful life rite now. I think that after everything I've gone through, that I do deserve that. Or at least I hope I do.

LMAO!!!!!

Ok ok, I havent been blogging lately because a lot has happened to me recently and it's just been to difficult to deal with. First off is that Andrew and I are breaking up...I guess. You see, Andrew is joining the military, and he told me that he was going to be gone for six months and then back to continue college. He's joining the reserves so that was plausible. What he didn't tell me is that he is going to be coming back for merely three months and then gone for another year. And he has decided that he doesn't want me waiting for him. He says that it's unfair to me and that he doesn't want to see me alone for that long just waiting for him to come back. I wouldn't mind waiting for him though. But yeah, I kind of went a bit...unstable when i found out....so i did some stupid stuff...none of which I'm going to explain cause it's all a bit personal. Those of you that do know are of a chosen few. And it's gonna stay that way hopefully. But yeah, that's what's had me a bit upset as of recently.

Now, what has me laughing my ass off is that I've been technically single since Saturday, and todays Saturday, so that means, that in exactly one week, I have had three guys make it very clear that they want to go out with me. The first is Kaleigh, the guy that did the singing for my little open mic night fiasco. The second is this guy named Richard, a friend of Tiffs. Richard is pretty cool, a gamer and sweet, but I just can't handle dating someone so soon. What really makes me laugh though, is that the third guy, the one I'm talking to online as I type this, is my first boyfriend, or first ex-boyfriend. Yes, the very Erik Strassner that dated me fir a week and then dumped me. My sides hurt from laughing so much.

I don't think that I'm going to be going out with anyone for a while though. After all, I'm just going through this with Andrew, and I have really been hurting just knowing that I may possibly never see him again. My heart just cant take trying to add someone new to it. I've gotten stronger but I'm not that strong, and not that much of a bitch. After everything that happened to, between me and Andrew, I still love the boy, and it's gonna take me a while to get over him and move on. I wish he wasn't joining the military, but the paperworks in and he's gotta leave. Thats what happens when you become a dog of the military.

What Happened Last Week

Ok I meant to tell you all what happened last week but things just seemed to pile up and it just didn't happen, so thats my bad. What happened was that, that morning, I ended up up until four in the morning with a friend of mine, Kat playing guitar. Now that's no big deal, but at about two in the morning we decided that we should play a song that night, at open mi night. Now we each know a repertoire of different songs on the guitar, so we had to decide what to play. We decided in the end to play, Suicide is Painless. For those of you that don't know, that is the theme song to the popular television show, M*A*S*H*. Now we each got it set up, because she already knew the song, she played the main part and we switched off so that I did the chorus. Then, at 2pm we got Kaleigh, this guy that we know, to do the vocals for the song. Now, when we were practicing for that hour, he sounded amazing, Kat was perfect, and i was making minimal mess ups. When we got on stage however, Kaleigh sounded like a karaoke singer and Kat was messing up horribly. I was messing up to but that goes unsaid because we all knew that I was. We did horribly. But the amazing thing is, I loved it so much!! We didn't get booed off stage, in fact when the first chorus came up, people were singing along, and we had them laughing most of it. If you can, like if it will fully load so you can see the full thing, you an go to my myspace, www.myspace.com/iheartblackpeoplekolaid and you can watch it. I'm sorry for the shoddy camera work though, it wasn't me taking the video. I have another version of it from another camera and im gona try and put that up instead cause mine doesn't like to play half the time. I had fun though, and I think that as long as I actually practice before the next one, then I'm going to go up again.

Fun With Shirts

OMG so I definetly did some arts and crafts with my shirts. it was from this thing that I found on YouTube, from Kat Von D. I love Kat Von D. by the way. But I have to go and soon I'll post the shirts!

My Hamster!!!

This little fuzzy one is my hamster. The picture is a bit fuzzy but I think she's cute in it all the same. Everyone I know has there own name for the little bugger, and I have a list on the right of some of the names already given to her. You may be wondering why some of the names are boys names if the hamster is a girl. Well the answer to that is that she is a dike. You see, she has this thing where she will climb on to the bars and spin herself around using only her arms. And I'm telling you, she has very good upper bottom strength. Then, while Andrew and I were first watching this spectacle, he turns to me and says, "Out of curiosity, was she the hamster sitting in the corner of the cage alone that no one played with and seemed to be alone?" "um", I replied, "How did you know?". His reply, "Yeah she's a dike. Boy do you know how to pick 'em." So yeah, out of all the hamsters at the store, I picked the only dike one. But I love her all the same. She is a wonderful hamster, who loves to be picked up and never bites, and eats cheerios so that it looks like she's eating a little donut. I have to go though. It was a long night and I have many obligations to fulfill by morning. Have a wonderful night all.

Zelda, a Rodent, and a Lot of Heart Break

Yeah, I may not be posting as much in the next two months. lot of good has been going on, and as you can guess a little bit if bad. I want to tell you the bad first , just to get it out if the way. Umm, I got some news yesterday, and it's that Andrews not going to be here next semester. During the summer he's going to be in basic training, and during the next semester he's going to be in another state, in flight school for the military. We have both kind of been putting the talk off since he told me, you know the talk about what we are going o decide to do, mostly because we want to have as much time with each other as possible without it possibly being tainted while we can. I've only got my guy for the next, oh, 7 and a 1/2 weeks. which sucks ass. Royally. This is the first time that I've fully opened myself to a guy, the first time I've gotten attached to a boyfriend. When I dropped the others, I felt happy, free and was great minutes later. And now I know that I'm going to lose him. I hate it. the only way that I can describe how this feels is to parallel it to the reaper coming to you and telling you the day and minute that your going to die. Okay maybe thats a bit melodramatic to some people but thats the only way that I know how to describe how this feels. I'm honestly heartbroken over this. And I kind of wanted to tell you all this so that when I get home, a lot of you don't go asking me about my boyfriend and what's going to happen. In fact, if possible, please, i beg you, when I get home, please don't mention him. If I want to talk about him, I will start it, but I'm afraid that I'm going to be incredibly emotional after I get home, for god knows how long, so unless you want tears, please don't mention him.

On another note, Andrew did something totally awesome! He traded his game cube in for an N64! I love that boy I swear! So last night I stayed up with him until about 2am playing the original Zelda. I must say that retro is so in. I love it. And the best part is we are playing it on a big screen plasma tv. Granted, slight over kill in the bit department, but it's still pretty amazing.

Also on an even lighter note, I have a hamster now. She's a cute fuzzy fuck. And everyone can name him what they want to name him, for he is a hamster of many names. I have elected to name him Spud. Joe has named him Miguel. Sam has named him Blue Balloons. And Ray has named him Snatch. So yes, do not ask me his name, for his name is whatever you want it to be. He is very cute and soon I shall post a picture of him for all to see. In fact, please, if you come up with a cool name that you wish to call him, I shall add it to the registry. I promise.

But yeah, I shall post again when possible, but I'm more or less trying to take advantage of the time I have left with Andrew so I'm not going to be doing to much other then homework and being with Andrew. And when I find out what's we decide to do about him leaving, I will let you know. But please, I beg again, when I come home please do not ask me about Andrew. And Al, I know that you read this, cause your awesome that way, please tell tyler for me, because I know that he never gets around to reading my blog. Or Kami, cause your awesome to, just someone let him know.

Let me tell you -

The one thing that you should never text your girlfriend - "I need to talk to you Monday"

Especially when it's his reply to you asking what days he can stay over this week.



And especially don't not give an small explanation to what you mean. Any explanation would do, "I won the lottery", "all my finger fell off I can only talk now", "It's okay love I just have herpes", or even "I'm dumping you" just so that you get a bit of insight into the next day.

God guys suck sometimes.

Happy Now!!!!!

Yeah, Andrew was able to get here on Saturday morning. So yes, I feel a lot better. I did ever since he got here. I swear I love that boy. But yeah, The weekend has been pretty great so far. Andrew, Ray, and I went to atomic bowling and had a lot of fun. Boy do I have stories from that night! Like for one is just the walk there. It's past the wal-mart, and I'm telling you, we took all the shortcuts through all the snow and it was freezing. I almost had hypothermia again, I swear it. Or at least it felt like it. But I don't know, I'm not in much of a typing mood rite now. I just need something to actually do and this seemed like it. You see, yesterday was a lot of walking and exercise and fun, and then today it's just been me and Andrew. Now, though we have had a lot of fun together, we haven't really done much. You see, we are both rather poor. So we ended up walking to wal-mart and getting the ingredients for pizza. This meant actual movement and exercise, which I am very glad for. I love relaxing o a movie, but I also love actually going someplace and doing things with him that way. That and exercise relaxes me afterward, it just makes me feel better. But ya know, It's been a very good weekend for me, and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Also, since I havent posted any pictures lately, heres a random photo of me wearing Andrews shoes, since he stole mine to wear to his woodsman's practice. FYI, we wear the same size shoes, mens 11. Sad i know but we also wear the same shirt size. I will talk to all if you later. Love you all and see you soon!!!

Grrrr Arrrgh, Mnnnaaahhh!!!

Grrr. I hate the weather. I'm mad. And I'm also mad because I'm mad because it's a stupid thing to be mad about. Arrrrrgggghhh! ok ok. Andrew is staying the weekend with me, problem is, he's not here. After his woodsman's practice, he had plans with an old friend of his to go out to eat, I guess that they owe him a dinner or something. Now I had no problem with that, we both still have our own lives and I'm not the clingy kind that insists on going along. Thats just not me. Thing is I get a text a few hours ago from loverboy himself and the problem is, they went all the way to victor to eat, and the weathers so bad that she had to drop him off at his house out there because she couldn't make it back out here. So yeah, I'm mad because I really want to be with him tonight. I mean, I got to see him a total of like 20 minutes today because I have no classes and was up till 5:30am last night, and so I slept in till about 11:00am, went to the college to get him cause he brought me food (ain't he sweet?) and we had to put it away, cause eggs break and get all messy. So we got to my place and put everything away, talked for about five minutes, then he went back to the college while I took a shower. I gpt at the college at about 1:45pm, problem is, he has woodsman's practice at 2:00pm and then directly after he was leaving. for his dinner. Now I thought that I was gonna get to see him tonight, so it was no big deal that I wasn't with him today. And now because of the weather....Well I'm kind of mad at myself because I would have made more of an effort had I known that tonight wasn't gonna happen. My only consolation is that he's getting a ride here tomorrow, so we should have the rest of the weekend with him, And we are going bowling tomorrow night so theres that to. Oh I got to see a hypnotist today to. It was a free show at the college suits. It was really cool. I'll talk about it some other time though, when I'm not in such a bad mood. I hate though that not being able to be with him makes me so mad. I never let people make me that mad just because they are not here, let alone to let a guy affect me that way. sigh, I just want him to be here. That week I go home is gonna suck cause I'm g0nna miss him so much. It's already gotten so that it's hard for me to fall asleep and stay asleep when he's not here. It takes me like an extra hour to sleep when he's not there. And when he's not here I have a problem with my physical safety to. My problem is that ever since the accident, I have a problem with falling. Like when I start to fall, I flash back on the accident, all the visuals. It's not a good thing. Well, when he stays over, he sleeps on the outside so I don't worry about falling off the bed. And of coarse I always fall asleep leaning on him with his arms around me. Thing is, when he's not there, next to me, no matter how close to the wall I fall asleep at, I end up close to the edge, like so close that I wake up 2 to 3 times a night because I catch myself as I start to fall off the bed. And the flashes are always worse when I wake up because I'm falling off of my bed. So yeah, I feel a lot more safe when he's there to say the least. Plus I just love being with him. Haha it makes me laugh to because I was talking online with heather through my microphone and speakers and all, so I could here her and she could here me, and Andrew's head was like rite next to me. And he was playing Assassins Creed on the X-Box 360 that we barowed from Tiff, and Heather wasn't always paying attention so I'd do my high pitched whistle to get said attention. Well, I kept forgetting that Andrew's head and ear was rite next to me, so he started getting ticked off at me for the whistling, so he started doing what he does and thats to make smart ass comments (sound like anyone you know?? Like me??), and of coarse, Heather could here every word, and continued to say that he was annoying and some other mean things. It was so funny for me cause heather tries to get so mean, and she just doesn't sound mean at all. It's so funny. But yeah. I'm gonna go now. Playing some DDR EX2, and soon some more multi-player Halo 3. But yeah, I think I'm gonna go and try to forget the fact that Andrew may not be here this weekend. But hey, I've got Ray and Tiff and Peter here making me feel better by just not letting me be depressed anymore. So have a goodnight and talk to me later.