Mack Your Mouth

When I grow up...

2009-10-12T16:52:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure what to write.

Um, I'm working at Moonwinks now. And trying to get a full time job so I can get a car. That is a need in my life rite now.

I'm doing more art then i used to. I like that part. I am also trying to get more in touch with myself. I think everyone needs to do that. I'm just a little overdue.

Other things are going on im just not sure i shoudl write about it yet. It's all confusing. Luckily in the good way.

It's a trap...

2009-09-07T11:03:00.002-07:00

I feel so trapped...
Don't get me wrong, I love that I get to be around my family, family being both mom and dad and Kami's whole family. I love that I get to be with them all again, it's easier to breath here. However, I feel so trapped rite now. I miss the freedom of my own apartment and being in town and being able to go places. I miss the options. I also miss the physical interaction with new people, and changing scenery by more then two minutes away. I need a job and a car. I need more freedom. I need to get outr and do something and see new places again. I miss the mental stimulation of going new places.
i've been home for a week and already I'm going crazy.
Someone please put me out of my misery.
Or get me a job.

2009-06-19T13:09:00.000-07:00

So I am reevaluating a lot of my life quite a bit these days...

I need to warn everyone that some changes in my life may be happening soon. I am not sure when.

The people who know me best know that I have been getting increasingly more and more depressed over the past year. I have not been myself. I have been better then last year, much better, but still not back to what I used to be, and now it is starting to get worse. I need to change some things.

i am sorry if this sounds cryptic, or over dramatic. But I assure you I am not going to rush in to anything to fast or too dumb, I have learned from the past I assure you. I just need to do something, something drastic maybe, to be happy again. To be the old me. And some things are holding me back from that.

Not everyone may approve of my decisions. Some people may be upset, but I assure you, if what i am afraid is going to happen, happens... I assure you i will not be happy, not at first, and it's going to be a struggle for a while, and it may not be the best way to go about this, but, as you all know I am a bit to stubborn to not do it my way.

If you want more info, well, I may or may not tell you all of the details. It honestly depends on who is asking. But please, just call me, and keep it low key, don't make a big deal out of it please. I have my reasons for asking you to do that.

Love you all,
confused and regretful

Thou Shalt Not Wish Your Girlfriend Was A Freak Like Me

2009-06-12T08:16:00.000-07:00

So the job has been going great, and is getting even better. On Monday I will officially be a day stocker. I will awaken at 3 am and arrive at the store at 4 am. Where upon arrival I will begin stocking shelves, until 7 when I get to just walk around and talk to people until 1 pm. It's going to be tuff to get used to that schedule, but it's going to be worth it. I will get every single weekend off, garenteed and a full 40 hours every week, plus i may be getting an increase in pay. To me, the ability to have my own time to be with the people i love will be worth it, plus this way some weekends this summer I can go back to Clarksville and see the people i love (mom, dad, heather, kami, al) and I will be makin a lot of money. lol i like that.

Other then that things have been going pretty great. Iv'e got some more friends through work, am earning a living, finally, and just feel happier. Well, I think that I'm going to peace out though. I have to take a shower and then I'm going to go take a bike ride through this cute little town and get a water bottle for work.

Love you all!!

Iko Iko

2009-05-21T12:03:00.000-07:00

I'm gonna set your flag on fire!

not really though.
I'm doing a lot better now though. Sorry about the depression in the last post, some things where getting to me and a lot compiled and I just kinda crashed for a little while. I'm a lot better now though thankfully.

I have a job now. I'm a cashier at Lowe's. It's not a huge glamorous job but it pays the bills and I think I'm going to enjoy it. The people seem nice, and I will get to talk to people as they check out. The only downside is that I'm going to have to work all of fourth of July weekend. But hey it could be a lot worse. I could have no job at all.

To celebrate the new job I went out and bought a new Zune since my old one bit the dust. This one is under warranty and I'm buying a case for it so the screen won't get all F-ed up again. I think that that is a good investment.

Other then that, Max and I are doing well. We are going to a Memorial day piknik with his family on Monday. On Saturday we are going to a dojo to check and see if we would enjoy going there for classes. I'm working on some artwork again, and as soon as my first piece is finished I'll post a pick of it, promise. Also I'm reading again. It's been a while since I actually finished a book. The most recent one i finished was Neil Gaiman's book, The Graveyard Book. I loved it. Now I am rereading his book, American Gods, and at the same time reading Christopher Moore's newest book, Fool.

I'm starting to again do the things that realy make me happy. And so of coarse I am feeling happier. It's one of those 1+1=2 things I guess. And silly me, I'm horrible at math so it never clicked I guess.

Have a good day, and do something that makes you happy today

The Rose

2009-05-18T08:40:00.000-07:00

Semester ended on Friday for me. So now I'm at the apartment untill i can get a job. I had an inerview at lowes on friday as well, the job looks promising, they seemed to like me. I don't care what job i get rite now, I'm just dying to get another job. I can't stay home like this any longer, and I only have so much money in the bank...

In the end i know that everything is going to be ok. It's just going to take some time to fix, and mend and all. I think I'm just tired rite now. Well these past few weeks I've been tired actually. I'm not really sure where this post is going rite now...

I am ok, and in the end I know i will continue to be ok. I'm strong, a lot stronger than even i think, and I'm confidant that no matter what, I'm always going to be ok. After all I'm not the type to give up easily.

I don't know rite now i seem to just be rambling...

Life is going... ok

2009-04-19T11:52:00.000-07:00

So it's old news that as of two weeks ago yesterday i lost my job. I was out a week for surgery, which had I had discussed with my employer months in advance. Then I was in the emergency room a week in with complications, part of which was finding out the hard way that I am allergic to chodine. The stomach acid from throwing up for two days coating my scabbed over throat made it a bit harder to get beck on my feet. I gave all the paperwork to my employers and explained in a raspy painful voice about the complications and that a few days from then was my new post op date, because my Doctor was worried with all the complications that there would be even more if I didn't get in rite away, which would mean a three hour drive to my home town for a doctors appointment. Upon returning for my first day beck for work on the 4th, they promptly fired me at 7 am, within minutes of walking in for my shift.

After walking away from Tim Horton's, pissed and upset at the world, I promptly headed to Starbucks for a GOOD cup of coffee, which the amazing woman working behind the counter gave to me for free. She is amazing. I then proceeded to call my best friend Heather to talk about it and to keep me from crying in public. She did the trick very well. Then I walked to every possible place in town and applied for a job. Still though no one has called, and i have my half of rent and bills to pay. Luckily i have some money set aside in the bank that will last me a while, i just need to get a job, now.

Also my expensive, 4 month old 120 gig zune's screen broke a week ago. The screen still works but i have a HUGE crack going down the screen. I almost cried on the spot. That's really minor though compared to everything else.

Other then that life is doing pretty well. I'm going to my classes, workin hard to pull in the grades. I'm going to a concert next week, Hollywood Undead. I can't wait and max is being nice enough to pay for my ticket. The apartment is doing great, still pretty empty but really great. Soon I will be a legal resident here and on the lease, so I can get health insurance in this area, so if i get sick i wont have to travel three hours to where i do have health insurance. I lost ten pounds while recovering from surgery and am exorcising now so hopefully soon I Will have a rockin body. I want abs so bad, but who doesn't? Max and I are doing really well, once in a while the stress gets to us and small spats ensue, but we always get over it and end up stronger in the end. Which i think is amazing.

Overall I might be jobless but life isn't that bad. I have love, a house and home, friends, and finally i have my health. So I can't complain to much.

Tonsils? REMOVED. Adenoids? REMOVED.

2009-03-21T12:59:00.000-07:00

So I was in surgery on last Tuesday. I had to get my tonsils and adenoids removed. I didn't even know that my Adenoids where being removed until I was at the hospital. For that matter I didn't know what an adenoid was, but luckily we are all born with them so i didn't feel like a freak thank god.

My life is rather down to resting and eating jello for the moment though. Not exactly glamorous but I need to rest up so that I can get my wild and crazy life back on track again. So far though the apartment is still great, Max and I are the epitome of the happy couple, Spring is coming, and soon life will be back to normal. Hopefully.

See you all at the lake front.

love,
Beth's annoyed throat

Sorry It's been so long...

2009-03-13T06:03:00.000-07:00

A lot has been happening... Not all of which I am going to putting in this blog... I would but it's very personal. If you would like to know, message me, and if you are one of the few people that I would feel comfortable telling about Max and I's little problem recently then I will tell you. And no, I'm not pregnant. We where just having some problems. Which have luckily been worked out.

On a happier note; We got the apartment!! Our house warming party is tonight. It took long enough since there where some delays and all, but it is ours now. I love it. It has a few spots wrong with it, like we need paint the walls so they look better and some minor repair jobs need to be done in the house itself. But other then that, it is so perfect. It is in Palmyra, the Mormon capital of the world. I find that funny. And we live a block down from the famous "4 Corners" where there is a church on all four corners of the street. It's kinda cool that I'm living in a town with so much history to it. The apartment is on the main street to, so we can walk to the store and we are really close to 2 small parks where we can go to have picnics this summer. I love it! It's very much like Bolivar though, wich surprises me that I like it so much. After all, I want to be in the big city, wich is not Palmyra. It's so nice for now though, and such a pretty town.

interesting fact - Spitting is illegal in Palmyra, and cops have been known to give tickets to people for spitting in the streets. That cracks me up.

My classes and all are going great. I've been going to all my classes and getting all my homework done, and acing my tests. I've been going to work and earning money, which I do enjoy. I may not enjoy Tim Horton's or my co-workers, but I love talking to the customers, love making them smile. So far this is a really great semester, and I'm enjoying myself even with all the new responsibilities on my back.

I'm going to be back in my hometown for spring break this Sunday. Tuesday I am getting my tonsils taken out, and then just chillin and healing up for the rest of the week. Not the most glamorouse Spring vacation but it's a break that I get to spend with my close friends/family. After all they are one in the same.

Not Much Goin On

2009-01-04T13:36:00.000-08:00

So yeah the title says it all. I'm just chillin at the moment till I can get back to the college. I can not wait for that. I love everyone here, but I miss my man what can I say?

I'm chatting occasionally with some old friends at the college and beyond. And every night talkin to max, and trying to keep in contact with Heather, but stuff keeps happinin, and hey if you read this tonight I'm gonna call you tomarrow morning at the latest, promise!! I really do I just have some stuff on my plate at the moment.

I ave been tryin to do some more drawing again, it's just been slow getting in to it again. I think I'm gonna do somemore tonight though.....

wish there was more, but nope... nothin....

Of Turky, Korean Women, and Missing Money

2008-12-01T11:05:00.000-08:00

You have to admit that that's a new title.

Thanksgiving was amazing this year! This was my biggest holiday ever, seeing as how I was at Max's uncles for Thanksgiving. They live in a small but very wonderful house in one of the really nice parts of Rochester. I wish that I had remembered my camera because there were so many people that I would have loved to take pictures of, so many amazing scenes.... I regret not having my camera. But I must say that even though I don't have pictures, the day is still in crystal clarity in my mind. Most of the people there I had met before, but I did get to meet Max's uncle Mat's partners mother. Now Mat's partner Ken is Korean, so of coarse kens mother is VERY Korean! She was so cute and little I just wanted to give her a hug, I love that woman! Oh there where so many people there though, after all in that small house was packed 27 people and 6 dogs. To put this in a bit more perspective the dogs where, and this is in order of size;
1. Mats Jack Russel Terrier
2. Baley, Kens smallish dog idk the breed
3. Babe, aunt Mary's golden retriever puppy
4. Sluggo, aunt Mary's fat chocolate lab
5. Dee Dee, aunt Claudia's black Great Dane
6. Fred, Aunt Claudia's black and white spotted HUGE Great Dane

27 people and 6 dogs in every size imaginable, in a smallish house. I was a bit overwhelmed seeing as how my thanksgivings have always been just My mom, dad and years ago my brother and I, since my brother left all those years ago though It's just been me and my parents. So this was a big step up.

There was so much food too! 2 huge turkeys, a ham, two giant things of stuffing, Indian pudding, squash, and Kim Shi. Not to mention the amazing desert spread with about 6 pumpkin pies, 2 apple pies and a huge scrumptious yellow cake with white frosting and coconut all over the outside! I ate so much desert....... It was amazing. Oh and Max's cousins kids made jello..... with almonds in it. Safe to say that was still there when the night was done.

Aftre dinner every one talked and told stories, it was amazing. And then I played six person euchre with Max, his grandfather, aunt claudia, uncle luke and Max's little sister Hannah, and I was so happy when my team won!!! the whole night was amazing! I loved every minute of it!

Then came sunday........

I had spent twelve dollars over the weekend of the hundred dollars that my mother put in on wednesday. That's all that I had spent because the reats had to go for groceries this week and to pay for my part of the phone bill this month. Well, Max and I stopped at a greek diner for lunch on the trip back to my dorm. We ordered and I decided while we waited to call my banks automated service so I would know EXACTLY how much I had spent, like down to the penny. I'm neurotic that way. And of all the money that shoul have been there, all 88 bucks of it, I had about 9 dollars of it. I almost cryed in the diner. The only reason I didn't was because I didn't want to make a scene. Well Max calmed me down, and told me that he would pay for groceries this week and that if I couldn't get the missing money back in time he would pay for my phone bill and I won't have to worry about paying him back. He's such a sweetheart.

Meanwhile, this morning I called my bank to talk to someone. They found that some company had been taking money out of my account, and I have no idea how they got my account information. They took out 40 bucks on friday and theres another 40 thats pending, and thats why I only have 9 bucks available. Well, the companies phone numbers where atached to teh statement that they had, so they gave me the numbers and I called, and I bitched, a lot. By the end of the conversation they promised that all the money would be put back, and that it will all be fully deposited in my bank within 7-10 buisness days. I have kept there number and the confermation number they gave me so that if they decide not to pay or to mess with me any more I have a little bit more on my side. Also, I had my debit card suspended so no one else can get in to it, and as soon as the money is deposited, my mom is going to go to my bank all the way back home and shift my money to my savings account, close out my checking account, and send me my money via a money order.

I tell ya, crazy stuff every day, every day of my life.

Quote Quote

2008-11-10T16:21:00.001-08:00

Max - "I will piss in a cup and make you drink it!"

Ray - "I will not drink that piss. No sir."

I'm Happy!!!!

2008-11-04T07:03:00.000-08:00

OK so all or most of you should know by now that Max proposed to me Friday night. And of coarse I said YES!!! He surprised me that night with that. And it makes a cool story, I mean how many people can say they got engaged on Halloween night? I love it. I love him! Oh I'm so happy about that! But everyone, don't worry, we do try to be smart about things, so we set the date for Fall 2010, that way we have enough time to make sure that everything works out and we can save up money and make sure that everything else works, so don't think we are rushing to fast in to things. I don't have a ring yet, so don't ask to see my ring. Max doesn't have the money rite now to get me one, and that doesn't bother me at all because I know he doesn't, after all he's been buying me food ALL semester, the sweetheart, and I can wait. He told me that he was going to get one for me this winter vacation because I'm coming home for the month and a half long break and so he's going to save his extra money each week to buy me a ring. I told him he's not aloud to spend to much on me though. I myself am fine with a 20$ ring, I really don't need much. As long as it's from him I'm happy.

Um, on another note, the suits have been just as crazy as ever. Last week my roommates decided to make a slip and slide in our hallway. I can't make that up. It was constructed entirely of garbage bags and duct tape, with laundry detergent to make it slippery. I'm surprised that no one broke an ankle. It was a lot of fun though to watch my roommates slide down the hall, always very close to having a concussion or strait out dying. I would have done it but didn't feel like a trip to the hospital again. I've been there to much this semester.

Oh and I'm crocheting a blanket! I have never made a full Afghan before and started making this one the day after Max proposed to me, so I know I am going to Finnish it because it has a lot of emotional attachment to it now. It's really cool looking so far, and I know that it's going to look amazing when I finish it.

A lot has happened recently. So much. I don't know what else to write about though because a lot of it has been very personal. But the overall important part is that I am happy. Very very happy!

Ow

2008-10-21T08:35:00.001-07:00

Ow!
No, I'll be ok
I just forgot
forgot about the pain
of her being a person
forgot about the tears
she would eventually cry
they've always been there
behind those wide eyes
just waiting for that trigger

-----you

you did it to me
so of coarse you'd do it to her
make her fall for you

your so predictible
manipulating her
making her dependent on you

so when you'd pull that final hit
rite to her soul-er plexus
she'd fall to her knees
broken, eyeshadow smeared
calling me at midnight
to mend her wounds
pleading for a way
to escape the pain

I open my mouth to help her
to tell her how to move on
but my jaw hangs open
silent and still

cause I've studied for this question
first hand for so long
yet still
I have no answer
don't know what type of band aid to use

I can only listen to your tears
be your rock
and silently weep myself

I don't even know anymore........

2008-10-14T09:57:00.000-07:00

I don't really know what to say.....um, Max is feeling better of course. No more sickness. Classes are going well, though I have a 6 page essay due on Thursday that i still have yet to do. Yay procrastination! My doctors appointment this last weekend was mysteriously canceled by some unseen force. I was so upset about that. I have another appointment set however for the 24 so I'll be back home then for the weekend. Not much else is going on, or at least not much else that I want to talk about on here. Just a bunch of emotional drama at the moment. It will all get worked out soon. I hope. Rawr. Sorry that theres not much to this one, but hopefully the next one will be more juicy for ya.

Damn, Antibiotics are Everywhere.......

2008-09-28T15:45:00.000-07:00

So Max is sick now. My roommates have been sick for like a month, and now my poor hun has gotten sick to. First it was just a simple cold, but soon it morphed in to something worse. Now he has Pharyngitis. I made him go to a doctor today, and so he has antibiotics now. He will be better soon. He's in my room sleeping while I am in the living room on my laptop. One of my roommates, Stephanie, is sleeping on the couch next to my chair. Lucky for me I have headphones for my music.

Life is going somewhat smooth as of late. Monday nights we have hero's nights with friends in the commons room, where we watch Heroes on the plasma screen tv. And when they start open mic night again we are gonna be going to that as religously as possible. Also, Tuesday nights Kaleigh stays over on my couch and the three of us hang out. My life isn't as crazy as last year, but it's kind of nice. I didn't think I'd be able to get used to more regular hours and actually getting a full nights sleep every night, but I'm ajusting.

I'm starting to write more poetry now. I never really got in to writing poetry before this, but thanks to some big influences in my life, including Kami and seeing Buddy Wakefield at the college a while ago, I feel a bit more creative towards it. And any one that knows me knows I live to be creative. This is just turning in to another outlet. Iv'e got a name on All Poetry now to. If youd like to view my poetry,please feel free to peruse the few works I have on there so far. http://allpoetry.com/Alive4aLiving is my site.

I'll write more another time, this was more or less just to update those that still read my blog.

Something New

2008-09-26T07:24:00.000-07:00

So I want to give a try a writing poetry...it's not much, but I kind of like where it's going. Also, it's a spoken word, so that's why the lines are kind of screwy.

My Room

Sometimes, when I'm in class
sitting at that desk
writing Sublime lyrics in my notebook
I want to go to my room

Not my dorm room
Not my bedroom
not my boyfriends bedroom,
er....I mean his mom's basement

No, I wanna go to MY room

My room is big and small
My room fits any where I fit
But I don't always fit in my room..

My rooms walls change colors
they change with my presence
my walls are hippie mood walls

My room has shelves everywhere
And they are filled with blue glass bottles

Some of the bottles are beautiful
with frosted glass
and silver bobbles around the necks
I like those bottles

But a lot more of them are dark
and the glass bubbles
and is twisted and gnarled
like dead hanging trees

Some I want to break
So I never have to see them again

I just wish that more of them would be...
easier to look at.

Comment please.

Pardon Me, Give Me My Respect, and Keep it all in Fun -or- I Would Never Trade the Way I am for the Way I'm Not

2008-09-19T06:37:00.000-07:00

Classes are going well. I haven't missed a single one yet, and I don't think I'll be skipping any any time soon. So far my favorite class seems to be my Professional Selling class. My teacher for that is amazingly awesome, and I love to sell things so it's pretty much perfect. My US History class is also pretty cool. My teacher, Dr. Harmon, is so cool. He teaches History differently then most teach, so it's easier to learn. Also, he's an awesome individual. He has a really cool sense of humor to. Also, he keeps us updated on whats going on with his court case against the college. Come to find out, Dr. Harmon is trying to sign his Partner up on to his health insurance through the college. FLCC however is being a prick and not letting him add him even though they were legally married in Massachusetts a few years ago. It's crazy because FLCC's lawyers are saying now that to be elegeble they need to go and get married again. So Doc is going in a few weekends with his partner to get marred again.

I've been listening to a different style of music then I normally do lately. It started when I went to a poetry out loud thing by this guy named Buddy Wakefield. I love his poetry, it's just so amazing. I bought his book that day to, and he signed it for me. It helped me think clearer when I heard him, when I saw his raw energy, how much he believed in his beliefs and his clarity of mind, it just helped me see things a bit clearer. I guess you could say that some more of the rose has come out of my glasses. He mentioned the name of an artist while he was up there to, called Sage Francis. I looked him up that night and I'll be damned I loved what I heard. Sage Francis' work is a kind of stylized and beautifully crafted rap for the people. I love it all. And then I started searching for more artists like him. I've found Atmosphere, Illogic, Blackaliciouse and Brother Ali. Honestly, even if you don't like rap, give them a listen with an open mind, actually listen to the lyrics, and I think you'll enjoy what you hear.

Not much else is going on, or at least nothing that I want to talk about on a blog. I am working on some art rite now and when It's done I'm going to post them on my art blog http://www.chopsticksandporn.blogspot.com/ as always. So please, give it a look, and as always, have a wonderful day, a wonderful month, and a wonderful life.

+If we could all rephrase the question from "What was your most embarrassing moment?" to "What was your most embarrassing year?" Then I might be able to give you an honest answer. - Buddy Wakefield

+We know you're not perfect because we're not. And I know I ain't perfect. But I believe I was meant to be. -Buddy Wakefield

OMG I have food!!

2008-09-14T12:07:00.000-07:00

I love Max so much. He does so much for me, I mean, he drove 3 hours all summer to come and see me, many time just t o spend a couple days with me, he takes m to the hospital when my tonsils start to act up, when I start to get upset about anything, and I mean anything, he's rite there to comfort me and stays by my side, he buys me food and takes me out for lunch and dinner and puts up with me when I get in a bitchy mood. Honestly I don't know what I'd do with out him.

Last semester, I was living on 20 bucks a week. My whole meal basis for months was just cereal, pop tarts and instant pastas. That was it. Last week, Max spent 50 bucks on food for my dorm. Then, just today he spent like 35 bucks on just food. He's so sweet about it to, I keep saying he doesn't have to do it and he's just like, "No, don't worry, i do it because I love you." He's so sweet!

The whole thing with Allan has calmed down now. He apologized to me, through AIM instead of face to face, but he tried to apologize. That doesn't mean that I'm going to start hanging out with him, in fact I refuse to be around him now, for good reason of coarse. But that whole issue has finally died down.

I got my hair cut to yesterday. I got it trimmed and layered, except the layers this time are actually noticeable. My hair feels a lot lighter now to, yet it's still on the long side, so it makes it perfect for this summer. Max thinks it looks really cute. I haven't been around anyone else really that would notice that I got my hair cut so I don't know what other people think about it. I like it though. Max said that next week he will try to get me some hair dye so that I can dye it red again.

Still no help on the job front. I've really been trying to get a job but it just hasn't worked out yet, I haven't gotten any calls. I think I'm gonna go walking again and try to find some more places to apply to this week. Someplace has to hire me. I just need a job. I hate just sitting around like I feel I am on days I don't have classes.

Well that's about it on the news front. I'll catch you all later.

It is 4:58 in the AM and I Just Want To Sleep!

2008-09-09T01:58:00.000-07:00

Holy shit I HATE being up this god damn early! The only reason that I'm up this late is because I'm sick again. That's rite I'm having another problems with my tonsils. Last Thursday, After a full day of classes, ax had to drive me to the hospital, again, because my tonsils were swollen. Upon arrival my first nurse got my paper work done, the second nurse did some computer work on me, looked down my throat and exclaimed "Holy shit!" Because they were so big. They were so big that he called teh first nurse in to come and look, and she informed me that they were the biggest tonsils she'd EVER seen. I've heard that before this summer. Then they get me to a room so I can see a doctor. But first, another nurse. When she looks down my throat, she actually jumped back a bit. Yet again, that has happened before this summer. Then I get a prick of a doctor that is questioning my ability to figure out if I'm really sick again, treating me like a child and speaking down to me. Then he looks down my throat. And funny enough, he realized that I could defined tell that I was sick. Oh and did I mention that EVERY person here told me that I should think about getting my tonsils removed. Every time I almost flipped out on them. I think that after an entire summer of being sick with this same exact bullshit that I would know that I have to get my tonsils removed. Well, the good news is that after October 10th I AM going to be having my tonsils removed. I just have to have my Doctors appointment in Olean that day, and then my newly established insurance can get everything set up down here for me to get my tonsils removed. Thank god cause I need these puppies out. This is the second time that they have given me Clindamyacine. This is pretty much the "anti-every-problem-in-the-book" pill. I web MD'd this medication, and found that it is not only used for problems like mine but also for treating things like - Adult Acne, Toxic Shock Syndrome, Malaria, and necrotizing fasciitis. Thats rite, it's also the Anti-Zombie pill! Necrotizing fasciitis is the flesh eating bacteria, also known as zombification, or Shaun of the Dead Syndrome. So yeah, I may never have to worry about another health problem ever again. Unless it's my tonsils, those bastards will keep bothering me untill I get them ripped from my throat and sealed in a smuckers jar.

Rawr! And now Max just left my apartment. I heard the door close just now. He has to go to work now. Wiich means that I have to fall asleep by myself again so that I can TRY to be a fully functioning human being during classes today. I'm going to need coffee, and a lot of it, in the morning.

Also, I have to deal with a little prick sometime tomorrow. I couldn't believe what happened yesterday. I met this guy named Allan here at the college last week. He is actually Tim's cousin. Thing is though, he seemed normal. He looked normal and acted normal, and seemed like a generally nice guy. Well we said Hi a few times last week, but I rarely saw him seeing that 'm rarely in the lounge these days, just to much to do what with classes and trying to get a job and people like this. Back to what happened, I was with Crystal chatting and catching up on old time since we hadn't chatted all summer. So we were sitting on a couch and suddenly he comes up behind me and kneels on the floor behind me. A little weird. Well I turned and said hi, then turned back to my conversation. A few seconds later, the bastard bit me in the neck! I jumped cause he surprised the shit out of me, and in jumping it made his teeth grate against my skin even harder then he was already biting. I had a big red bite mark on my neck because of him. Oh and did I mention that I was waiting to go and meet max at the suits in about ten minutes? And I had a bite mark on my neck that was clearly visible. And Max is protective enough of me as it is, I knew that he would not be happy about this. Well, unfortunately there is definitely more to this. Well, it freaked me out as you may well know, after ll i was just bit. And before I could really say anything, Crystal got me out of there rite quick. She's met Max and knows that I would never cheat on him. We were walking around the college, steering away from the lounge so that I wouldn't have to deal with him rite then, and talking about what just happened. Also because I knew that Max would flip shit if he saw a mark on my neck as bad as Crystal said it was, she gave me her cold cranberry juice to hold against my neck to get the mark to go away. As soon as I take the bottle away and hand it to Crystal, he's suddenly behind me, grabbing me, one arm around my waist and one between my neck and breasts, like on top of my breasts. I was lost for words at this point, I couldn't believe that he was just man handling me like this, people don't do that to me, not like this guy was. He was being a strait out creep and I wanted non of it. I looked at Crystal and she goes "Hey get off my Bitch she's mine!" He let go and looked at her saying, "She's yours?". She replied with, "Yup I bought her a while ago she's mine." Now I'm still silent now, still trying to process where he got the balls to pull this shit with me when I hear him say, "yeah well I have a bass and pedals so I've got more for her to play with." Can any one say "Pervert"? Well, I kept it cool, I reached over and put my hands on Crystals boobs, as I have done before, and said "Naw I prefer to play with these, they are way more fun." All of a sudden, I kid you not, as soon as I let go of her, he reached up and grabs my boobs, both of them, and says quick as shit, "No I think that these would be much more fun." I grabbed his hands and pulled them down saying a very firm "NO" and turned and Crystal and I walked away. I definitely have to have a very long discussion with him today, set down the line. He was incredibly lucky because After it happened, while I was waiting for Max, I told Ray what happened and he was pissed and wanted to beat the shit out of him. Max arrived minutes later, I told him what happened and he was livid. Both of them were rearing for a fight with him, and we ended up walking to the college to see if he was still there. He was gone by the time we got there, and Max and ray were then pissed about that because they had no way to expell there energy now. So we went back to my place and the boys played some gears of war on the Xbox 360. I still can't beleive what he did to me. I've never been that physically acosted before by some one so blatently being a prick. Now though that I'm over the shock I should be able to stop it from ever happeneng again fromany one because there wont be shock, just me flipping shit on someone.

Okay I'm going to bed now. My meds should be all settled so that I'm not sick when I wake up, so sleep sounds very welcome rite about now. I'll catch you all later, and wish me luck todaywith that prick Allan, cause I'm gonna beat the shit out of him if he tries any of this shit again.

..........mmmmmm..............neeeeeed sleeeeeeeeep...............

2008-09-03T05:54:00.000-07:00

So I'm tired, that's one thing goin' on now.

Move in to the dorms was nice and simple, got everything in in just a few trips, and I'm on the first floor so it was twice as easy. My ceilings higher to, so that's sweet, I don't feel tall anymore when i jump and hit my head on the ceiling. Plus my room is a bit bigger, more walking space. It's nice.

max helped me get my room unpacked on the first day, and now I have all my drawings and paintings up on the wall. It's nice, very nice. Already a bit cluttered, but still very nice.

I'm filling out applications now to. Lets see here.......I've got the papers NOW for Micheles, TJ Max, and Olympia Sports store. I'm going to be doing a lot of walking today, handing back applications and getting more. I know I'm also going to be applying to Peebles, Pet Depot, Jo Anne Fabrics, Bon Ton, and some other bsic stores in the area. The only places I'm not applying to are food sercvice places and Walmart. I'm a store kind of person, what with stocking shelves and ringing customers up and that kind of thing. I should have a job soon though.

My classes are going well. I like all of the classes that I have taken up, wich is a rare thing. I normally hate at least one of my classes. But my teachers are all great and I think I'm going toget what I need out of all of my classes. Also I'm taking a profesional selling class so that should help me at my new job.

mmmm.......not much else to chat about. I'm on my period so I'm cramping a shit ton with no midol. But that may be TMI for you. My room mates are al really cool. I think that we are all gonna get together really well this semester. Other then that, I don't know what else to say, I got nothin else.

A deck, my love and limited time.....

2008-08-21T11:26:00.001-07:00

So for the past couple days I've been helping to build a deck. Yes, me and power tools and a hammer. No, there hasn't been bloodshed and tears. Yet. Also I've been painting and staining like a bitch! I hate latice work, it takes forever to paint and, seriously, just buy the plastic kind thats in different colors. I mean seriously people. Damn. But hey, it's fun and David is paying me to help as much as I am, and I seriously need the money for college. And he pays well. Very well. So I don't argue bitch or complain. Plus building stuff is kinda fun.

Also, as a note, my love is coming over this weekend. I can't wait, he's been driving me nuts the last two weeks cause I haven't been with him. He doesn't meen to, he just misses me, so I don't get mad or upset with him. How can I get mad at someone for missing me? But yeah, I get my baby all weekend.

On another note, I feel like I'm running out of time, again. Come the 30th I'll be taking the two and a half hour trip back to the college. I mean, I love the college, I love the freedom, but I am also going to miss everyone here. I wouldn't feel so sad but Max and I are getting an apartment together after this semester is done, in the winter. I'm going to be very sad when everything is finalized and I've moved in. Having a place of my own will be nice, and so will supporting myself, but I'm always going to miss westclarksville and all the people here. I mean, I'm going to visit. I'm planning on coming back every Christmas for at least a few days, and sometimes on the weekends Max and I will take the trip down but I'm always going to miss this place. Maybe some day I'll move back and buy my own house somewhere nere. I'm not saying rite away, but of coarse who knows where life will take me. I know though that no matter where I go I will always have a home here, somewhere, and I want all to know that for all the hositality and as well as everyone has treated me, that my apartment is open to everyone. If any of you have are having a hard time and need someplace to crash, need help of any sort, need a shoulder to cry on, or just need a friend, my apartment is always open, and I'm always free for family to call. Well, I will be when I get a cell phone, haha, but yeah. I love you all, and you are all welcome in my home.

My computer battery is about to die though, so I'll post this and talk to you all later. Love you all, you will all be in my thoughts.

An Update

2008-08-02T08:20:00.000-07:00

I'm still at Max's if you didn't know. And I'm very sick again. Or at least I was. I wen't to the hospital on Thursday, Max took a half day off to take me, cause he's my sweetheart, so that was good. He took me to this one medical place, only they refused to treat me untill I prepaid 130$ becauise I have an outstanding bill with them for like 160$ due to a past escursion with my dreaded tonsils. So Max had to drive another hour to get me to the hospital in Canandaigua. This was my first time at this hospital and theyt were pretty much amazing. This hospital gave me an amazing dosage of medication . I am on Prednizone to keep the swelling down, wich I don't really think that I need, but am following anyways. Also they put me on Clyndamiacine. I may have misspelled that. Just say it pheonetically. But this medication is insane. I have to take 2 pills (300 mg) every 6 hours, wich means that I have to get up at 4am to take pills. It pisses me off. But I do it because I don't want to get sick again. Also the dr.s there took a full throat culture wich no other hospital has done before, so when they can actually figure out exactly what is wrong with my tonsils, I can add a name to the hell that I have been through all summer.

On a cheerier note, Max and I went to see Dark Night, the new Batman film last night. We doubled with two vwry good friends of ours, Tiff and Peter. They are actually the couple that Max and I met through, so we like to keep in contact with them. Also they are very nice people that we enjoy hanging out with that don't put us through a lot of shit about anything or make anything that makes us to frustrated. Thats hard to find in people because there are only a select few people that Iv'e known for a long time that don't piss me off or stab me in the back. And I do love those friends with all my heart. After all, friends like that are more family then friends to me. Oh yeah, back on topic, last night was a very fun night because we had dinner at there apartment and then went to the movie together. Tiff and Peter are cards to so there wasn't a boring minute the whole night. And the movie was amazing! It was incredibly dark and very violent, and both of those added to Batman makes for a ery amazing movie. And the Joker was creepy shit, but an amazing acting job by the guy who played him.

I do beleive that I am going to go though, the meds have got my stomach feeling queezy, yet again. But have a good day and I will get back to you all soon.

HOLY FUCK SHIT!!!!

2008-07-31T06:16:00.000-07:00

I'm gonna try and go in chronological order fpr all this for you, but try to keep up.

1. I went to Warped Tour last thursday, and it was AMAZING!! I got to see Reliant K, Gym Class Heroes, Angels and Airwaves, Pennywise, Street Dogs, Reel Big Fish and Say Anything. It was so amazing fo r me, beiung my first concert and all. I got a Gym Class Heros shirt, a Reel Big Fish Shirt, a Warped Tour shirt and a Say Anything Hoodie. The hoodie has a monkey on it. I like it. Also I got to meet Reel Big Fish, and I mean the WHOLE band! It was so cool, cause i got to shake there hands and they signed a shirt that I bought and Jhonny Christmas said that I was beautiful when I met him! It was one of the best expieriences of this summer. Also I was in my first real mosh pit during Pennywise, Street Dogs, Reel Big Fish and Say Anything, all in a row, nonstop. When I was finnally able to get outr of the pit, I was so dehydrated that I was shaking and incredibly dizzy, if Kami hadn't have found me when she did I may have passed out, I was pretty bad, but she got me water and I think that I chugged like 2 liters of water brfore I was able to slow down and recuperate. It was an expierience to remember, and oine of the most intense things I've ever been in. I can't waitr for my next show.

2. I'm at Max's again. This last weekend was really nice to because Max came down for me and we spent the weekend at Kami's again. On Friday, when he came, Max, Kami, Alex and I all went in to Olean for the day, and that night went to see Hellboy 2, wich was way better than I expected. Also this weekend Max and I will be doubling with Peter and Tiffany out here in Canandaigua. It will be a regular dinner and movie, wich is amazing, I love doing thta kind of thing with Max, it means a good night with good friends and wonderfull entertainment.

3. I'm sick again. My tonsils have flaired up again and I'm going to be going to the hospital again in the next couple hours. Max is so worried about me that he is taking a half day at work so that he can take me at noonish instead of six pm tonight. I've been so lucky to have him this summer, he's been with me every step of the way. Theres only been one time thta he hasn't been with me when I went to the hospital and that was the first time, and only because I was home and h ewasn't with me. He has however been with me the past three times and today makes that four times. I have no idea though how many times I'm going to be in the hospital though, I'm still waiting to find out of the county is going to give me health insurence or not. I'ts frustrating as shit because I need to get my tonsils out or else I'm just going to get sicker and sicker each time. Also no insurence means that I have a tone of medical bills piling up that I just can't pay. I'm not sure what I'm going to do at the moment. Also, if this keeps up its going to be hard when I get back to the college to get a job because I'm going to be sick to much to hold a job down. I'm hoping though that help comes soon, after all, something has to pull through. Either the health insurence or the money from the auto accident that I was in, both are a possibility though neither a strong one. I'm pulling through though, and I have Max here when times start getting to tuff.

4. I just found out that a good friend of mine, Kat, died recently. Luckily it was only for two minutes, she had gotten incredibly angry, I wont go into details, and literally drank herself to death at a party. Thank god a friend found her and called an ambulance. They used the paddles on her but she was legally dead for two minutes. Scared the shit out of me when I found out. I can tell you this though, it puts some things in to perspective to have death come that close to your friends, I mean damn! She's okay though thank god, an dI'm hoping that she stops drinking or at least slows down a hell of a lot. After all, none of us are superman.

He Duck Taped the Remote Control to the Ceiling....

2008-07-22T13:15:00.000-07:00

Yeah, this kid drives me nuts. His name is Dylan, and I've been around him so long that I think that my tubes have tied themselves. I can tell you this though, if i ever have kids, they better be mute.

Because this kid is such a... kid, Alex duck taped the remote control to the ceiling so that Kami could watch her show with out him screaming to get the control. We told him that the remote is all his if he can reach it. Luckily, he has a short attention span and decided to play on his moms computer instead.

I'm still alone rite now. I miss Max, a lot. We talk on the phone every night, well, almost every night, but I still miss him being next to me. It feels so strange because I've barely been touched during the past two weeks. I mean, I've hugged Kami and Alex each day when I've left, but I haven't had any one to lean on or just have to touch and touch me whenever the mood arises. It feels strange not to be touched. Also ever since I came home I havent been sleeping as well as I should. Back when I was younger I never thought that sharing a twin bed with someone each night could condone a reastfull sleep, and with past guys, it hasn't. With Max however I sleep better when I'm sharing a bed with him. I love waking up in the morning with his arms around me.

I get to be with him again this weekend, so good days will be here again. Max will be here on Friday and we are going to go to see Hellboy 2 with Kami and Alex. It's gonna be a double date. I've only been on one double date before this. It was with Leo, that shit, and it was where we walked with two friends of ours to a pizza place and the four of us split a large pizza. It should have been a fun night, but the people we were with and the shity I was with made it a pretty shitty nights, as were most times I had a boyfriend at the college. But hey, I lived and I'm happy now and that's all that matters.

Thursday is Warp tour, so when I do get to see Max I'm going to be tired as shit. Warp tour is going to be insane! Like 50 bands playing all in one day, only 35 bucks to here all of them. It's going to be amazing! And I get to see Reel Big Fish! Holy Fuck Shit I love Reel Big Fish!! But other then that.....I do think that I'm going to have fun.

Then tomarrow I'm going to be going shopping most of the day with my mom. She has to get groceries and I need to pull my money out if the bank for Thursday. Also I need to spend like 5 bucks on a small bag to carry my shit in for Warp tour. I don't carry a purse so I need to buy one to put my t-shirts and memorabilia on.

On another note I'm teaching myself the Melbourne Shuffle. For those of you that don't know what the Melbourne Shuffle is, just You Tube it and I promise that you will be amazed. The dancing is awesome. I've only tried it like twice so far, but I downloaded some How To's and when I'm alone during the day at Max's house I'm going to practice in the kitchen. I feel like a bit of a dork figuring it out, so I'd rather wait untill I get a bit better at it to do it in front of people. I like dancing though, and this is something that when I get doing it I can do it almost anywhere and it's a good work out.
I'm going to be getting a job as soon as I get back to the college as well. I'm hoping to get a nice job at the locale Jo-Anne Fabrics. It's a nice store and I know each of the isles and can help costamers with almost any question because of my background with crafting. My mom taught me almost everything when it comes to crafting. I can crochet, knit, sculpt, paint, sew, weave, and just about anything else out there that has to do with crafting. Plus a nice shop job would be enjoyable for me. I can't do food service cause I would never be able to eat out again and also I burn any food that I have to apply heat to.

Well, I do beleive that this is a long enough post already. Hope you enjoy your week and I'll get back to yall soon.

tattoo'd midgets, no health insurence, and some headaches

2008-07-19T12:27:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I know, its been a while since I blogged. I haven't had any internet to blog though so there hasn't been much for me to do about blogging.

A lot has happened these past two months. Ive been sick every two weeks all summer. All four times has been because of my tonsils. I need them taken out but my health insurance company decided to drop me, so I can't get them taken out like I need to. It kind of sucks ass.

I've been skipping back and fourth between my house in way low NY, all the way up to Williamson NY all summer too. My Max lives up there and I spend a couple weeks here at home and then a couple weeks up there with him. I have a lot of fun up there to. He's the only one that I could spend three weeks with and not want to kill. That kind of guy is hard to find.

I think I'm gonna spazz though because a fly keeps landing on my arm and god damnit it's pissin me off!

Also a few days ago I went with Kami when she got her tattoo. It's a beautiful fairy tattoo, and I loved watching the guy tattoo her. I have been toying with the idea that maybe I might try out becoming a tattoo artist. It's an idea to toy with at least.

Im selling my guitar tomorrow. Not my electric one but my acoustic one, good old Chaz Addams. I don't really mind though because I'm thinking about switching to base, it just fits me better. I'm too laid back to play guitar.

Max is coming back to me next weekend. We are gonna go and see Hellboy 2 with Kami and Alex as a double date. It should be pretty fun, they are really good together and we all get along so well. Hell they love Max, Kami and teh family have pretty much adapted him. I'm glad for that to because after my fourth semester Max and I are going to be moving in together somewhere in canandaigua. I like that he gets along with everyone and that they all like him because he's gonna be around for a long time so this makes life easier.

God I'm so tired and I have no idea why. I got more then enough sleep. I'm thinking that I just slept a bit off.

Oh and hey I wrote a very short story that I think everone here may enjoy. If you could just leave me a massage about what you think about it.

BlooD

I had to pause long enough to clean the blood off of my glasses. I’d take them off, but then I couldn’t enjoy watching my customers face caving in. I need to find a new job.
As I watched the bitch’s head turn to a funky congealed mess, I fell in to a quiet Zen like state. In the tranquility of the moment, I began to reflect on the events that led to this moment. And in the sepia toned snapshots of my memories, I realized something; I’m fuckin nuts.
I should be on medication. The kind where ten percent of the people that use it get intense depression and kill themselves. I would probably be in that ten percent. Maybe if I had killed myself, I wouldn’t have killed all those people.
Evan as I realize this, I know that I’m not going to go to a doctor when this bitch is dead. I’m not going to sit on that couch and tell him that daddy didn’t hug me enough. I know this because deep down in my heart, I believe that all those fucktards deserved it.
Also because I have a date tonight with the hot chick from the book store. God I hope she’s not a zombie like the last girl. Lately it feels like all the hot chicks are reanimated corpses.
Well, except for the last woman. She was just a bitch.
You can always tell when they are dead already because they care to much about there appearance. If they do that then they are hiding there dead flesh from us so as not to assume they are the godless. I won’t say that I’ve been rite on every girl that I thought was a zombie, because my method does have it’s errors. But at least I’ve gotten a couple.

Long Time no Blog

2008-06-10T09:18:00.000-07:00

Yeah um a lot of shit has been going on, hence my not typing anything here. As an update, I'm back home again, wich means that I only have internet when I walk to kami's and they dont have any internet for a while because there internet has been quarenteined. I think thats spelled wrong. But yeah there cousin was watching massive amounts of porn on all the computers in the house and all the computers are infected with a shitty virus, so Roadrunner has cut off there internet untill they get them profesioanally cleaned. So no internet for another week at least.

On another note, Max and I are still together, happier than I thought I could ever be with a guy. I spent last week with him at his house actually, and had a blast. I may not get to see him this weekend however because his car is busted. The week I was with him I ended up helping him do a break job on his car because the breaks went out. We had to replace both of the rotors on the drivers side and replace all the breaks. I had fun. Poor Max doesn't know shit aout cars though so I helped him out with it. Luckily I enjoy working on cars, so we had fun, all except for the blasted mosquitos.

But yeah, It was our one month anniversary on June 9th and the way we are together, I think that there are going to be many more months ahead. He realy is a sweetheart.

Im writting this in BOCES on Mr.P's computer. Havent been to BOCES in quite a while so I'm having fun. It's nice to touch base with people and here the latest news and gossip about all thats going on. I've found out some amazing stuff about old classmates and herd some good stories already.

Oh and last night, Kami decided that if I become a stripper, that my stripper name will be Clitorasaurus... Cause I'm tall. I don't want to see the costume that goes with that name, bu I bet theres a lot of spikes.....

Theres no other news really. Nothing bad is going on, life is going pretty smoothly, and things could definetly be worse. So yeah, I'm gonna go now and chat some more with Mr. Sanchez.

Best Road Sign Ever!!!!

2008-05-11T16:59:00.000-07:00

I shit you not, while driving with Max, we saw a road sign that said:

"Caution: Handicapped Child"

I can't make that up! Thats funny shit! If I get a pic. of it, I'll put it up

promise

A Bass Player, Some Kripple Jokes, and Some Coffee

2008-05-10T19:39:00.000-07:00

Yeah so, the bass player, Erik, totally stood me up. I kind of should have expected this, cause it's him, and the past we had, but yeah, kinda stung a bit. He's pretty much been blowing me off for like three weeks now, we would set a date to hang out, then I'd never see him or if I did it was for like five minutes. So yeah, I'm kind of sick of this and he is so not worth it, I decided that the night he stood me up.

Well, on Thursday, I was talking to Tiff online, and mentioned that I was stuck at the dorms again this weekend, and she was like, "Dude, we're having a barbecue at our place Friday night, we will like come and get you and you can stay with us for the weekend." So I was like, Score! First barbecue of the summer! Hell yeah. So I get there, and Tiff and Peter have two of there friends from work over as well, and I'm introduced. The first of which is Greg, who is paralyzed from the waist down, and in a wheelchair. Now, to introduce us, tiff go's, "This is Greg, he's a cripple." I was laughing so hard because she just said it so matter of factly, I loved that, and he was laughing too. Like the whole night was filled with cripple jokes and he was making just as many as everyone else. This guy is like so awesome, I love him like honestly, he's an awesome guy.

The other guy that I was introduced to was Max. Max, which is short for maxwell (Like the coffee), is this really cool guy who is heavy into ska and art and martial arts and all this other awesome stuff, he's like awesome. And at one point in the night, Tiff Richard and I showed Peter, Greg and Max how to play lunch money. Well, I had made a small joke that I can't even remember now, and it had a slight sexual context o it, and he blushed a little. Well, he left the room for a minute to go to the bathroom and Tiff told me that when he likes a girl and they make any kind of sexual comment or even just touch him in the arm, he blushes, and that's why he blushed when I said that. So Zack and the others were like, "you have to do everything you can to make this kid blush tonight, see how much he can take!" And since he was cute, funny, and that I'm single, I took the challenge. So he returned to the room, sat Indian style next to me, and Zack was like, "start now, come on" so I leaned in to his side, put my arms around his neck, and kissed him on the neck. I have never seen anyone blush such a deep shade of red! It was so cute in that goofy sort of way! Now this was as far as I went because he was really red after that and I can only push this poor boy this far, cause I'm just not that mean. Well, the others didn't see it that way, and tiff kept trying to get me to cup his balls to make him tweak out and asking him if we were gonna have sex, and with every comment he got redder and redder, and I kid you not, he got so red and flustered that he had to leave the room and step outside for a few minutes to get his breath and his thoughts collected. I couldn't believe this sweet sweet guy could be real.

So later this night, Greg goes home, and Zack and Richard and Peter and Tiff go to bed, and him and I stay up in the living room, talking about what seemed like everything that had ever happened to us, and he told me things he's never told anyone, and I actually told him some things that I really need to trust someone to tell them about. We then went to things like, music tastes and pets and our pasts and the stupid shit we and our families have done over the years. We were up until 5 am, and then decided that we were so going to bed. Now there was only one bed left, the one in the living room, and we decided to just sleep next to each other because after all that we had to divulge we may as well. And I sit there and go to lean back and he's suddenly there, next to me and an arm under me and an arm over my waist. I of coarse don't mind this because I've been single for a while and to have a guy have his arms around me again is amazing! So I didn't argue, plus after the hours of talking heart to heart I really began to like this guy. Well, we lay there for about a minute and suddenly he puts his hand on my face and pulls me in for a kiss, and we kiss a couple of times and I break it off because I'm like, "It really sucks that I'm going home soon." He hadn't known that and I didn't feel rite getting his hopes up when I'm going to be like 2 hours away from him soon. And you know, he looked dead at me and said, "Honestly, your the first girl I've met that I am more then willing to drive two hours to see." And the thing is, when he said that, he was looking me dead in the eyes, and it's incredibly rare that I can find a guy that will say something like that, looking me in the eyes, and for me to actually beleive it, it's so rare.

Well, I don't know whats going to happen, and I'm not putting any guarantees on anything, because after everything that's happened to me, I just can't get fully invested in a guy this early in, I just can't so I'm taking this really slow. Although, if he does end up coming down to see me sometimes then all of you back home will get to meet him, and honestly, I think you'll like him. he's very easy to like, goofy and funny, and a generally nice and sweet guy.

Well, I'm dead fuck tired so I will talk to you all later and I totally love you all, an dmiss you and will so be home soon!

The Phone Call, A bass Player, and the Deep Sexy Voice That is Temptation

2008-05-07T17:38:00.000-07:00

"before the beginning of great brilliance, there must be chaos." -wisdom from my fortune cookie

Wow, my life is so effed up! It's like, I have these huge spurts of really bad shit going on, and then I get to have a time period with problems that I like having. Like, normal problems that I can totally deal with. Well, normal is kind of subjective because normal for me is almost never normal for another person.

My first problem was that two days ago, I had to call my dad and break the fact that I have a tattoo to him. Mom was originally going to tell him, then she told me Monday that I have to tell him myself. So I'm spazzing about this all day Tuesday, cause I just know that he's gonna spaz out on me, and I can't call until like 7pm cause he doesn't get home till then and he goes to bed at 8pm, so I had a very small window. Since I had a class during this small window, I had to step out of class to do this, and I used Kat's phone to call. Here the the ensuing conversation:

"Hi Dad!"
"hey hows it going?"
"Realy great!"
"Thats good."
"Yup, and um...theres something that I have to tell you. But first I wanna say, I love you"
"Your not pregnant are you?"
"No dad and thanks for believing in me. No um...Friday I kind of got a tattoo..."
"Oh great! You know thats permanent rite?"
"Yeah trust me I know, I did all the research before hand."
(Silence)
"Your not to mad are you dad?"
"Well it's kind of hard to be, I mean, I can't tell you to take it back and get your money back."
(silence)
"Ok your officially cool dad!"

So yeah, I thought that Dad was going to flip, and he didn't, and that was totally awesome for me! the best part was, he put mom on the phone after that little awesomeness, and my mom is mad now! She was so sure that dad was going to flip on me and now she's mad because he was cool about it. My parents are so fucked up, I love 'em!

Now comes the next part. I've been flirting with two guys as of late. I honestly didn't think that anything would come from either one, with it being that semesters going to end very shortly and that starting a relationship of any kind other then friendship would be rather pointless since I live so far away.

well, my life aperantly doesn't adhere to those simple implied rules of normal life. I've been flirting with My Denny's Guy because he is incredibly good looking, a wonderful guy to be around, and just someone that I genuenly like. Also, I figured it's no big deal to flirt with him because of the fact that I'm never gonna see him again after this semester because he's moving to Florida in 2 and 1/2 weeks. So nothing is going to happen, neither of us are in a position to start anything. Wrong, because he's actually taking the bait, is texting me to come hang out at my place after his classes are done, and if he sees me walking down the hall or sitting somewhere he comes over to chat with me and all, and when ever he leaves he gives me a great big hug, although is very careful of the tattoo. Did I mention he's cute. But yeah there is that.

Then there is Erik. Erik and I have been texting back and forth for a few weeks now, and talking on AIM. We would have talked more face to face but our schedules clash in a very not-cool way. However he is coming over tonight to see me. I'm making him dinner, chicken alfredo, and we are prolly gonna chill with a movie afterwards. He's spending the night to because he has classes tomorrow, so my couch is going to be occupied at least. But he has made it rather clear that he wants to go back out with me again. And you know, I think I'm gonna go out with him again. Don't get me wrong, I still love Andrew, and will probably always love him in a way, with him being my first love and all. However, I can't be this broken forever. I really do need to move on with my life,to keep living it. And I think that Erik can help me with that weather he knows it or not. He is very sweet, genuinly cares about me, is stable, has his life together, will be able to keep me out of trouble (I hope), and will definetly be there for me when I'm gonna need him. He's the safer and more stable choice of the two, so I think I'm gonna choose him. Also, he is cute, can make me laugh, and I do feel attracted to him. We have a history to which makes it easier to be around each other. I've got other options of coarse, I mean Brandon has told me that he wants to leave his girlfriend for me, which is exactly why I don't want to got out with him. If he's wiling to do that to her, he would do it to me, and I'm not gonna put myself through that. Then joe wants to go out with me, and I'm so not touching him with a ten foot pole. Kaleigh wants to go out with me, but I see him as a goofy little brother that ate paint chips as a kid. Oh and Richard wants to go out with me, and he's really sweet, has money, a lot of money, and a gamer, but I don't know, I don't really think that he's the one for me. So I do have choices, I just think that I want to chose Erik.

Theres not really much else going on rite now. I'm doing a lot of projects in art rite now, so thats keeping me busy and out of trouble. Oh and mom's gonna pierce my ears for me for my birthday, which is coming up soon. My Birthday is on the Thirteenth so don't forget to wish me a happy birthday! My tattoo is healing very well, in fact it's kind of ahead of schedule in it's healing process. I'm still very happy with it and can't wait to show it off in West Clarksville. nothing else is going on actually. So I guess that I will post again later. Love you all and bye bye!

Country Music, a Tattoo, and a Cop

2008-05-02T17:56:00.000-07:00

I keep saying to this guy I know that I want a boring life. I've said that so much the past two weeks. I truly felt that that is the one thing that I want, and I've made the realization that that is one thing that I'm never going to have. I can wish for an 80 gig Zune, a 2008 Porsche, world peace- and all of those, I will get before I get a boring life. I can't really complain either because I know so many people that are so bored with there life and complain about how nothing ever happens to them. And here I am complaining about having too much going on in my life. I'll tell you this though, I've always got a new story.

So heres the run down of today. Not a rundown of a couple days, no, the rundown of one day, ONLY ONE DAY!

Wanted to make that clear.

So, picture it, it's 8 am, and I just get up, so my hairs messed up, the basic pattern being similar to that left from an explosion, and I stumble to the bathroom. I do the basic necessities needed at this hour.

After I get dressed, I head to the kitchen and start to pre-heat the oven. Theres a knock at the door, it's kat, early for once in her life. She sits at my counter and watches as I put the cold cinnamon rolls on the baking sheet. We chat for a while, joking about life and classes, being normal college students for once. Soon the timers ringing and the smell of cinnamon rolls waft out of the oven. Between the two of us we ate all eight, and then walk triumphant to my room to talk some more.

At 11:00 am we walk to the college to await my appointment. We get to the lounge and talk to the normal gang of weirdos and outcasts that we hang out with on a daily basis. It's May second, so theres a lot going on with a whole lot of activities going on. I stay in the lounge though awaiting My Denny's Guy.

My Denny's Guy, is Kyle, and I call him My Denny's Guy because he works at, well, Denny's and I almost always forget that his name is Kyle, don't ask me why, but I do. Now, My Denny's Guy is so cute! Like he looks good. A little thinner than I normally go for but he's still adorable. Now, I'm fresh out of a relationship and I found out early that so is he. He was dumped by his girlfriend of a year a month and a half ago, and am feeling the same way I do - lonely but not in a position or state of heart to start going out with anyone. So he's some one that I can lean on and talk about pretty much anything with. My god, in the Chinese resteraunt we started swapping embarrassing sex stories. This conversation lasted for a while.

Part of what I love about him is that he's from the city, like big city city, and yet he is an avid country music listener. He has the most amazing voice to, his voice sounds like Josh Turner, no shit! If you don't know what he sounds like, find Josh Turner on project playlist cause his voice is amazing. And My Denny's Guy sounds JUST like him. God I love hearing him sing! And the entire time we were in the car, which was a total of about 2 hours together, we had the country station on, and we sang every song that played and we knew. I loved it.

When my appointment came up we headed to the tattoo parlor. this place is AMAZING!! The inside looks cooler then what you see on tv by like three thousand times! the place is called Amazing Grace tattoo, and the entire experience was amazing!

(no exclamation marks were harmed in the making of this paragraph)

The guy that was going to do my tattoo, Ryan had to defer my tattoo to John because his appointment was running way over what he had expacted and you can't rush a good tattoo. John however took amazing care of me. And he did my tattoo beautifully. It took about tow and a half hours and cost me $220, but it was so worth it.

Now the thing is that we were pressed for time because of the fact that My Denny's Guy had to be at work at five. So they new this and thats why Ryan deffered me to John, so that we could leave in time. Problem was, he thought that he could get it done in the alloted time, and couldn't. So my sweet sweet My Denny's Guy called in to work to tell them that he was going to be late. Now this was an hour into the tattoo, and this whole time, the process didn't hurt. It was fine. The minute it hit that hour and a half mark though, man did that start to grate on the nerves!

Of coarse, I didn't do the conventional thing. What your supposed to do is get the outlining and basic shading done, leave, let it heal fully, and then get the color done. If you do it all in one sitting, it's gonna hurt like a bitch! And guess what? Thats true. I learned this the hard way. So now the pain is really hitting me, and My Denny's Guy is sitting in front of me in a wheelie chair, just watching him tattoo me, texting, and generally being there for me, and the I start to feel the burn!

So, as those of you that know me personally, I use humor to get through things. So out of the hum of the tattoo gun, I go-
"So this kid is playing in his mom's closet, and if you didn't know, this is a joke"
That got My Denny's Guy laughing already, and all I needed was to get him laughing to start to make me feel better. So I told some jokes, and in between thinking of another joke to tell, he told me jokes. So needless to say, that last hour would have been so much worse if he hadn't have been there for me. I thank him a lot for that.

So I get the tattoo finished, and I pay the $220 to the man, and we leave. Now Amazing Grace is on a very busy main street in Geneva, so he had to find someplace to urn around, but safely. He turned into a street and turned around, except, something was off. He said, before we pulled into the main street again, "why are there no signs on this side of the street?" He had accidentally gone into a one way street and left it going the opposite way. Now that;s a basic mistake because there was no visible sign saying that it was a one way street. Problem was, a cop saw this and pulled us over very shortly afterward.

While talking to the cop, My Denny's Guy guy explained that this was his first time driving in Geneva, which it was, and that it was an accident. The cop was like, "yeah thats cool, it's ok, I'm just gonna give you a warning."

Then he noticed that his inspection sticker was five months expired.

then when he put his info into the computer, found that his license was expired in the county that we were in, and only that county.

So, poor My Denny's Guy was taken to the Geneva courthouse. The cop told me, as the guys were towing My Denny's Guy's car, that he had to do a few pieces of paper, and then with the bail money given to him, he would be let out in like ten minutes.

So My Denny's Guy gives me his debit card, and I walk the yard to the bank, and take out the $250 that the cop said was needed.

And on the way back to the car, I somehow

lose

the

debit card!

I can't make this up. This is my life. So I get to his window after checking my pockets like 300 times, I was like, "ok, ummm, something else just happened, and, ummm, I love yoooou, just wanted to get that out there, um, keep that in mind, but, ummm, I somehow just lost your debit card." So I told him to call his bank like ASAP and tell them that it's lost so that no one can get money out of it. Luckily he wasn't upset about it.

So the cop takes him to the courthouse, leaving me on the street waiting for two of my friends, Tiff and Peter to come and get me. They get there, and we swing over to the courthouse, and the women tells me that, for some reason that I can't remember, cause it was retarded, he had o wait for the judge to get there to set his bail, then he could be let free. When asked how long that would take, she said that it would be between half and hour to tomorrow. Now Peter isn't to happy because they had something that they were going to and now they are late to it, so they want to leave now, and I don't really have a choice at the moment, I have to leave with them.

I sent spit fire text messages to him, while they aloud him to have his phone, which wasn't long, and was taken home. Upon returning, I took a quick trip to Wal-Mart for instant pasta and sliced cheese, a pre-made sub, and a small container of jello, because me blood sugar was way too low. By the time I got home, I was shaking from it. So I scarfed it all down and felt better rite quick.

However I was still worried about My Denny's Guy. After all I had to just leave him there. Even if I had stayed though they said that I couldn't stay with him at all, so either way I was stuck stranding him. I still felt horrible about it though. I got a text a few minutes ago saying that he only just got out. this is at 8:30 at night. They had waited two hours to call the damn judge. For those two+ hours, he was handcuffed to a hard wood bench! It's absolute bullshit if u ask me. But his mom was on her way to get him so he is ok now.

So yeah, my day has been....I think that intense is the best way to put it. Today was deffinetly not boring. And you know, for all the bad that happened, I can't complain to much, just because this is my life, and I'm kind of used to this on a daily basis. Now, My Denny's Guy doesn't have these kinds of days, so lets just hope that he deals with this in an ok manner. I'll be there for him in a heart beat though, so he's not gonna be alone. Not again.

ummmm......

2008-04-30T19:52:00.000-07:00

Yeah I went walking by the lake.....in a low cut spaghetti strap top.....and I'm only sunburned on the right side of my body........so remember kids, ALWAYS wear sunscreen......even in the winter...just in case.

Life Sucks Ass At Times, And Then A Bass Player Comes Along.....

2008-04-23T20:00:00.001-07:00

Oh my god, my life is so exciting that I want to die. That is not sarcasm. My life has too much excitement and too much complication. I feel really, I guess hurt rite now, yes hurt is definetly the word for it at the moment. Andrew is here, and I've known that we've broken up but, I don't know there has still been that little bit of hope in the back of my mind that maybe he would want to stay with me these last few weeks of semester, but what he said kind of hit a nerve and it really does feel finalized now. It wasn't even much, we were joking around, picking on each other, and he did one of those dumb guy things that make him so lovable, and I rolled my eyes and he said, "Hey, YOU dated me." And thats not much, but him putting it in the past term really struck a nerve. Before when that always came out of his mouth it was never a "was", it was an "are", as in present. I hate how much this hurts, the only thing that is going to help me heal from this is that I'm never going to see him after this semester. There was more that he didn't tell me. When he signed those military papers, he signed his life away to them for six years. And they are stationing him in every state but here it seems. So at least if he's not around it makes it easier. Honestly I do better coping when he's not around. It's not when he comes back, it's when he leaves again. It's just really hard to take. I've got to deal though and cowboy up as they say. After all I can't let something like losing someone I love ruin my life. I've got to remember the good times I had with him and just be happy that I had those good times. Tiff, said something to me that really helps me out these days to. She told me about how there's this saying that every person has three great loves in there life. Some people say that it is your mom, dad, and the man you love, while others say that it is the three guys that you fall in love with with all your heart. Well, Andrew was my first great love, and I feel happy that I've been able to feel that love and knowing that I can and will feel that way again, makes me smile, because it doesn't feel like I'm losing love, just waiting until my next comes along.

And that's not even the most grrr part of lately. Now this takes a bit of back story. There is this guy at the college, his name is Adam. Now Ray and Sam don't like him, at all. I don't know why, but they seem to hate him, I'm not clear on why. The thing is, last week, Sam came in all mad about things in her life, and decided that she wanted to take Adam's bag. Ray came in at this time and said yeah, lets take it and put it in the green house. I didn't think that anything was going to come of this, after all the only people that go to the greenhouse are teachers, so I figured that the bag would be found in like an hour, taken to security and all would be well. So I followed a few steps behind them because I wanted to talk to Ray, and so I waited to the doorway of the doorway to the way to the greenhouse because I didn't want to be a part of it. thing is, the security camera, the only one in the building, caught me walking a few steps behind them and so Adam, being a, I guess you could call him a friend, IDK, came to me and asked if I knew anything. I told him what happened and come to find out, Sam stole his PSP out of the bag. Adam asked me if I could go to security and tell them what I knew so that I could #1 clear my name because my face is on the camera and #2 help him out because of what Sam did. And I did, because I don't want to be a part of it, I gave them a written statement about what happened on Friday. Monday, Ray and Sam went in and gave there statements. Now heres the kicker, last night, I'm in my late night art class, and suddenly security came into my class and escorted me down to the security office. Heres the thing, Sam had just come in, handed them the PSP that she stole, and told them that the day before I texted her and told her to come to my room. Allegedly I told her that I was sorry that she was taking the rap and gave her the PSP. Heres the thing, Adam knows that I didn't take it, and the camera shows Sam holding and taking the bag, not me. Adam told me when I told him what I knew that because I told him the truth that he would vouch for me. I called Adam after they let me out of the room and told him of how they were talking about pressing charges on me and they were gonna start finger printing and all of these other things, and he came strait to the college, down to security and told them that if they even tried to press any kind of charges on me that he was going to pull out because they can't charge me with anything involving it with out him there to back them up. So Adam came down and cleared my name thank god but it was still rather upsetting to say the least.

Then theres the fact that I found out who told Sam to pin the whole thing on me. For those of you that know him you are going to be slightly shocked about this, but Ray was the one that told Sam to just pin it on me. A very close friend of mine was in the lounge when they were talking about it, and they never thought that she would come to me with the information. So yeah, someone whom I considered my best friend stabbed me in the back. He told her to do it because i told Adam exactly what happened, and they were mad, so they figured that I could shoulder the whole thing. I'm telling you that it's times like these that you realize who your friends really are. The other thing is to, the girl that gave me that information, was the only other person there when they were talking. She doesn't want to get involved and if Ray finds out that I know that he told Sam to pin it on me, then he would know who told me, and he would try something on her for it, so this means that I have to placate and pretend that I'm still friends with Ray for the last weeks of semester so that he doesn't go after an actual friend of mine. When I was talking and laughing with him today I wanted to stab him. this is going to be hard.

The only things that are cheering me up is the appearently never ending sweetness of Erik. yes thats Erik Strassner, the very same first boyfriend that dumped me after a week at the beginning of last semester. He contacted me a while ago as you all know, and we've been talking via texting and AIM. We finally got to actually talk to each other today for a while. I mentioned last night when all that started that I needed a new set of friends and a boring life. I must say that the boy is good because he replied, "if you want I can give you a boring life". I had forgotten how sweet of a guy he is.

Now before you all tweak, I'm not gonna go out with him ,not rite now. I'm just trying to get over this with Andrew, and I just feel that at the moment, I'm kind of damaged goods. I just need some time to heal. tomorrow hopefully I will be able to sit him down and explain this and tell him that if all the things that he is saying to me is true, then for the moment he can be happy with him just becoming a close friend that I can lean on for support in a time when I really need it, and if I'm better when next semester starts, which I prolly will be, then I will be more then happy to go out with him again. If he wants more then that now though, then it's not going to work out, what he's been saying isn't from his heart, and it proves that he's not worth my time.

It would however be very nice to have a guy here that I can lean on during times like these. Before I had ray, and then I got very reliant on Andrew to lean on. Now, even though Andrew says that he's still here for me this semester if I need him, really won't be because he's only here now maybe once a week, and I can't schedule my disasters to his life. I don't operate that way. And then Ray is no longer someone that I can lean on, not after what he did to me. So Erik would be a good candidate for that. He is sweet, always knows what to say, and honestly, I need someone rite now, someone here at the college, and if he want's to be my rock here, then I can't say no. And after all the people that I've been hanging out with here I know that he can help me meet some people that are not into way crazy illegal stuff and he can give me the boring, non drug life that I need rite now.

Honestly, for the next few weeks and next year at college, I'm gonna lay low. Like really lay low. No more crazy shit, no more anything that I've been doing, I just want a boring non-eventful life rite now. I think that after everything I've gone through, that I do deserve that. Or at least I hope I do.

LMAO!!!!!

2008-04-12T16:47:00.000-07:00

Ok ok, I havent been blogging lately because a lot has happened to me recently and it's just been to difficult to deal with. First off is that Andrew and I are breaking up...I guess. You see, Andrew is joining the military, and he told me that he was going to be gone for six months and then back to continue college. He's joining the reserves so that was plausible. What he didn't tell me is that he is going to be coming back for merely three months and then gone for another year. And he has decided that he doesn't want me waiting for him. He says that it's unfair to me and that he doesn't want to see me alone for that long just waiting for him to come back. I wouldn't mind waiting for him though. But yeah, I kind of went a bit...unstable when i found out....so i did some stupid stuff...none of which I'm going to explain cause it's all a bit personal. Those of you that do know are of a chosen few. And it's gonna stay that way hopefully. But yeah, that's what's had me a bit upset as of recently.

Now, what has me laughing my ass off is that I've been technically single since Saturday, and todays Saturday, so that means, that in exactly one week, I have had three guys make it very clear that they want to go out with me. The first is Kaleigh, the guy that did the singing for my little open mic night fiasco. The second is this guy named Richard, a friend of Tiffs. Richard is pretty cool, a gamer and sweet, but I just can't handle dating someone so soon. What really makes me laugh though, is that the third guy, the one I'm talking to online as I type this, is my first boyfriend, or first ex-boyfriend. Yes, the very Erik Strassner that dated me fir a week and then dumped me. My sides hurt from laughing so much.

I don't think that I'm going to be going out with anyone for a while though. After all, I'm just going through this with Andrew, and I have really been hurting just knowing that I may possibly never see him again. My heart just cant take trying to add someone new to it. I've gotten stronger but I'm not that strong, and not that much of a bitch. After everything that happened to, between me and Andrew, I still love the boy, and it's gonna take me a while to get over him and move on. I wish he wasn't joining the military, but the paperworks in and he's gotta leave. Thats what happens when you become a dog of the military.

What Happened Last Week

2008-04-09T22:59:00.000-07:00

Ok I meant to tell you all what happened last week but things just seemed to pile up and it just didn't happen, so thats my bad. What happened was that, that morning, I ended up up until four in the morning with a friend of mine, Kat playing guitar. Now that's no big deal, but at about two in the morning we decided that we should play a song that night, at open mi night. Now we each know a repertoire of different songs on the guitar, so we had to decide what to play. We decided in the end to play, Suicide is Painless. For those of you that don't know, that is the theme song to the popular television show, M*A*S*H*. Now we each got it set up, because she already knew the song, she played the main part and we switched off so that I did the chorus. Then, at 2pm we got Kaleigh, this guy that we know, to do the vocals for the song. Now, when we were practicing for that hour, he sounded amazing, Kat was perfect, and i was making minimal mess ups. When we got on stage however, Kaleigh sounded like a karaoke singer and Kat was messing up horribly. I was messing up to but that goes unsaid because we all knew that I was. We did horribly. But the amazing thing is, I loved it so much!! We didn't get booed off stage, in fact when the first chorus came up, people were singing along, and we had them laughing most of it. If you can, like if it will fully load so you can see the full thing, you an go to my myspace, www.myspace.com/iheartblackpeoplekolaid and you can watch it. I'm sorry for the shoddy camera work though, it wasn't me taking the video. I have another version of it from another camera and im gona try and put that up instead cause mine doesn't like to play half the time. I had fun though, and I think that as long as I actually practice before the next one, then I'm going to go up again.

Fun With Shirts

2008-04-02T12:40:00.000-07:00

OMG so I definetly did some arts and crafts with my shirts. it was from this thing that I found on YouTube, from Kat Von D. I love Kat Von D. by the way. But I have to go and soon I'll post the shirts!

My Hamster!!!

2008-03-29T11:18:00.001-07:00

This little fuzzy one is my hamster. The picture is a bit fuzzy but I think she's cute in it all the same. Everyone I know has there own name for the little bugger, and I have a list on the right of some of the names already given to her. You may be wondering why some of the names are boys names if the hamster is a girl. Well the answer to that is that she is a dike. You see, she has this thing where she will climb on to the bars and spin herself around using only her arms. And I'm telling you, she has very good upper bottom strength. Then, while Andrew and I were first watching this spectacle, he turns to me and says, "Out of curiosity, was she the hamster sitting in the corner of the cage alone that no one played with and seemed to be alone?" "um", I replied, "How did you know?". His reply, "Yeah she's a dike. Boy do you know how to pick 'em." So yeah, out of all the hamsters at the store, I picked the only dike one. But I love her all the same. She is a wonderful hamster, who loves to be picked up and never bites, and eats cheerios so that it looks like she's eating a little donut. I have to go though. It was a long night and I have many obligations to fulfill by morning. Have a wonderful night all.

Zelda, a Rodent, and a Lot of Heart Break

2008-03-25T22:10:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I may not be posting as much in the next two months. lot of good has been going on, and as you can guess a little bit if bad. I want to tell you the bad first , just to get it out if the way. Umm, I got some news yesterday, and it's that Andrews not going to be here next semester. During the summer he's going to be in basic training, and during the next semester he's going to be in another state, in flight school for the military. We have both kind of been putting the talk off since he told me, you know the talk about what we are going o decide to do, mostly because we want to have as much time with each other as possible without it possibly being tainted while we can. I've only got my guy for the next, oh, 7 and a 1/2 weeks. which sucks ass. Royally. This is the first time that I've fully opened myself to a guy, the first time I've gotten attached to a boyfriend. When I dropped the others, I felt happy, free and was great minutes later. And now I know that I'm going to lose him. I hate it. the only way that I can describe how this feels is to parallel it to the reaper coming to you and telling you the day and minute that your going to die. Okay maybe thats a bit melodramatic to some people but thats the only way that I know how to describe how this feels. I'm honestly heartbroken over this. And I kind of wanted to tell you all this so that when I get home, a lot of you don't go asking me about my boyfriend and what's going to happen. In fact, if possible, please, i beg you, when I get home, please don't mention him. If I want to talk about him, I will start it, but I'm afraid that I'm going to be incredibly emotional after I get home, for god knows how long, so unless you want tears, please don't mention him.

On another note, Andrew did something totally awesome! He traded his game cube in for an N64! I love that boy I swear! So last night I stayed up with him until about 2am playing the original Zelda. I must say that retro is so in. I love it. And the best part is we are playing it on a big screen plasma tv. Granted, slight over kill in the bit department, but it's still pretty amazing.

Also on an even lighter note, I have a hamster now. She's a cute fuzzy fuck. And everyone can name him what they want to name him, for he is a hamster of many names. I have elected to name him Spud. Joe has named him Miguel. Sam has named him Blue Balloons. And Ray has named him Snatch. So yes, do not ask me his name, for his name is whatever you want it to be. He is very cute and soon I shall post a picture of him for all to see. In fact, please, if you come up with a cool name that you wish to call him, I shall add it to the registry. I promise.

But yeah, I shall post again when possible, but I'm more or less trying to take advantage of the time I have left with Andrew so I'm not going to be doing to much other then homework and being with Andrew. And when I find out what's we decide to do about him leaving, I will let you know. But please, I beg again, when I come home please do not ask me about Andrew. And Al, I know that you read this, cause your awesome that way, please tell tyler for me, because I know that he never gets around to reading my blog. Or Kami, cause your awesome to, just someone let him know.

Let me tell you -

2008-03-23T16:19:00.000-07:00

The one thing that you should never text your girlfriend - "I need to talk to you Monday"

Especially when it's his reply to you asking what days he can stay over this week.

And especially don't not give an small explanation to what you mean. Any explanation would do, "I won the lottery", "all my finger fell off I can only talk now", "It's okay love I just have herpes", or even "I'm dumping you" just so that you get a bit of insight into the next day.

God guys suck sometimes.

Happy Now!!!!!

2008-03-09T22:21:00.001-07:00

Yeah, Andrew was able to get here on Saturday morning. So yes, I feel a lot better. I did ever since he got here. I swear I love that boy. But yeah, The weekend has been pretty great so far. Andrew, Ray, and I went to atomic bowling and had a lot of fun. Boy do I have stories from that night! Like for one is just the walk there. It's past the wal-mart, and I'm telling you, we took all the shortcuts through all the snow and it was freezing. I almost had hypothermia again, I swear it. Or at least it felt like it. But I don't know, I'm not in much of a typing mood rite now. I just need something to actually do and this seemed like it. You see, yesterday was a lot of walking and exercise and fun, and then today it's just been me and Andrew. Now, though we have had a lot of fun together, we haven't really done much. You see, we are both rather poor. So we ended up walking to wal-mart and getting the ingredients for pizza. This meant actual movement and exercise, which I am very glad for. I love relaxing o a movie, but I also love actually going someplace and doing things with him that way. That and exercise relaxes me afterward, it just makes me feel better. But ya know, It's been a very good weekend for me, and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Also, since I havent posted any pictures lately, heres a random photo of me wearing Andrews shoes, since he stole mine to wear to his woodsman's practice. FYI, we wear the same size shoes, mens 11. Sad i know but we also wear the same shirt size. I will talk to all if you later. Love you all and see you soon!!!

Grrrr Arrrgh, Mnnnaaahhh!!!

2008-03-07T18:20:00.000-08:00

Grrr. I hate the weather. I'm mad. And I'm also mad because I'm mad because it's a stupid thing to be mad about. Arrrrrgggghhh! ok ok. Andrew is staying the weekend with me, problem is, he's not here. After his woodsman's practice, he had plans with an old friend of his to go out to eat, I guess that they owe him a dinner or something. Now I had no problem with that, we both still have our own lives and I'm not the clingy kind that insists on going along. Thats just not me. Thing is I get a text a few hours ago from loverboy himself and the problem is, they went all the way to victor to eat, and the weathers so bad that she had to drop him off at his house out there because she couldn't make it back out here. So yeah, I'm mad because I really want to be with him tonight. I mean, I got to see him a total of like 20 minutes today because I have no classes and was up till 5:30am last night, and so I slept in till about 11:00am, went to the college to get him cause he brought me food (ain't he sweet?) and we had to put it away, cause eggs break and get all messy. So we got to my place and put everything away, talked for about five minutes, then he went back to the college while I took a shower. I gpt at the college at about 1:45pm, problem is, he has woodsman's practice at 2:00pm and then directly after he was leaving. for his dinner. Now I thought that I was gonna get to see him tonight, so it was no big deal that I wasn't with him today. And now because of the weather....Well I'm kind of mad at myself because I would have made more of an effort had I known that tonight wasn't gonna happen. My only consolation is that he's getting a ride here tomorrow, so we should have the rest of the weekend with him, And we are going bowling tomorrow night so theres that to. Oh I got to see a hypnotist today to. It was a free show at the college suits. It was really cool. I'll talk about it some other time though, when I'm not in such a bad mood. I hate though that not being able to be with him makes me so mad. I never let people make me that mad just because they are not here, let alone to let a guy affect me that way. sigh, I just want him to be here. That week I go home is gonna suck cause I'm g0nna miss him so much. It's already gotten so that it's hard for me to fall asleep and stay asleep when he's not here. It takes me like an extra hour to sleep when he's not there. And when he's not here I have a problem with my physical safety to. My problem is that ever since the accident, I have a problem with falling. Like when I start to fall, I flash back on the accident, all the visuals. It's not a good thing. Well, when he stays over, he sleeps on the outside so I don't worry about falling off the bed. And of coarse I always fall asleep leaning on him with his arms around me. Thing is, when he's not there, next to me, no matter how close to the wall I fall asleep at, I end up close to the edge, like so close that I wake up 2 to 3 times a night because I catch myself as I start to fall off the bed. And the flashes are always worse when I wake up because I'm falling off of my bed. So yeah, I feel a lot more safe when he's there to say the least. Plus I just love being with him. Haha it makes me laugh to because I was talking online with heather through my microphone and speakers and all, so I could here her and she could here me, and Andrew's head was like rite next to me. And he was playing Assassins Creed on the X-Box 360 that we barowed from Tiff, and Heather wasn't always paying attention so I'd do my high pitched whistle to get said attention. Well, I kept forgetting that Andrew's head and ear was rite next to me, so he started getting ticked off at me for the whistling, so he started doing what he does and thats to make smart ass comments (sound like anyone you know?? Like me??), and of coarse, Heather could here every word, and continued to say that he was annoying and some other mean things. It was so funny for me cause heather tries to get so mean, and she just doesn't sound mean at all. It's so funny. But yeah. I'm gonna go now. Playing some DDR EX2, and soon some more multi-player Halo 3. But yeah, I think I'm gonna go and try to forget the fact that Andrew may not be here this weekend. But hey, I've got Ray and Tiff and Peter here making me feel better by just not letting me be depressed anymore. So have a goodnight and talk to me later.

Rowr

2008-03-06T14:28:00.000-08:00

Ok. So my last post sounded a bit...we'll say depressing. yeah lets go with that. But yeah, things are a lot better. Life is doing better and so are me and Andrew. We talked a bit a few days ago and all is well. And we both realized that we should probably try to communicate things a bit more clearly to each other. Cause both of us love to talk, but we both seem to have a problem with discussing feelings for some reason. I blame my being to much like a guy. But whatever. We are working on it. Oh and I'm not gonna be totally bored this weekend cause Andrew is staying the weekend at my place. I talked him into it because #1 he's quitting his job at Vanity Fair to start work in two weeks at the Chef's Outlet #2 He's probably not gonna go in this weekend cause he is quitting and if he doesn't have to go to work he's not gonna #3 When he decides he's not gonna go he's gonna regret not staying cause he's gonna miss me to much and #4 because there is atomic bowling this Saturday. And he loves bowling. The thing about Atomic bowling is that it is free to us at the college on the specified night, and it's unlimited games from like 10:00 at night to about 3:00 am. And when two games for two people costs twentyone bucks, a free night of bowling is amazing. Especially if your poor. But that should be changing for Andrew soon because the job at Chefs Outlet is $0.75 more an hour then he had before. And thought thats not much more, it's enough to make a difference. So we may get to go out and do a bit more in these days to come. Oh and I'm dropping my biological psycology coarse. I'm struggling so much that it's not even funny. But thankfully they have some minimester coarses and so I signed up today for an interpersonal communication coarse. If I didn't drop that class, then my GPA would go down so much that it's not even funny. So yeah, I was willing to add it, even though this means that I've got a late night class on Monday through Thursday. But hey, still no classes on Friday, so I still get three day weekends. Woohoo to that at least. I don't have any new pictures to add to this post again. thats my bad cause I keep forgetting my camera these days. But I'm gonna start carrying it around again. And tonight I'm gonna play DDR with Tiffy and Ray, so I've got somethin to do after my art class is done. And there's not much else to tell, so I'll talk to you all later. Have fun and live life to the fullest.

It is NOT 9:17 pm!!!!!!!

2008-03-03T20:53:00.001-08:00

It is 11:53 at night. I know this because i am still awake. I do not really want to be awake but I am, because it's what I do, and because they are STILL not done with their game. But I'm cool with it because it's not like they are running on only an hour and a half of sleep. Ok, I know, this all sounds really bitter. It kind of is, but as everyone that knows me knows that when I get really tired, depending on what stage of tired that I am on, I get goofy as fuck and end up making weird ass jokes, and then I inevitably hit the sarcastic stage. And during said sarcastic stage I usually end up sounding like a bitch even though I am not meaning to. So really, the above is not me being all grr arrrgh, I'm just a bit sarcastic, but luckily, being in college I have learned how to deal and control this little issue of mine a lot better then I used to. I just wish that I ended up with only an hour and a half of sleep because i was studying or something. Nope. I was up untill 5am with Tiff and Ray in the commons room, playing N64 and talking because I didn't want to be alone. Because if I was alone, I knew that I was going to break down crying, and the people that know me, know that I DON'T cry. God, Heather has been my best friend for something like seven years and she has NEVER seen me cry. We have chatted about this. So because I was around them, there was no way that I could cry because as always, when I am around anyone, I "cowboy up" and keep it all together. Thats just who I am. I was raised to not cry, i was raised to step up, and I was raised in a manner that has royally fucked me up, because honestly, times like this, I think that I should be allowed to cry at. But I just couldn't bring myself to it, not in front of them. I'm to strong and to stupid. The thing is, there was a misunderstanding between Andrew and I by way of texts. And next thing I know, things are being said, and, well, it's a really long story that I would rather not scribe down at this point in time. When I go home I can tell all of you if you like, but I'm not gonna put something this personal here. I'm sorry I just can't. But needless to say, I was very upset. To the point where I couldn't fall asleep until 6am, and somehow awoke at 7:30am, unable to fall back asleep. So I have been on very little sleep. Now so that all of you know, the misunderstanding has been found, brought into the open, and we have decided that we are only going to text when we need to actually convey information back and fourth. And no, the texts that were misunderstood were not of a sexual manner so don't go thinking that. But yeah, we still have to chat about a few things but we are doing much better, which I am so happy for. I don't need a guy to be happy, I know this, but the thing is, I'm so happy when I'm with him, like no matter how shit the rest of my life is, when I'm with him, everything seems to be all rite. When I'm with him, I feel like I'm safe, and that all the shit that likes to pile up is going to get resolved and that I don't need to worry. I just don't want to lose this. I don't want to lose him. The one good thing that came out of this is that when all of the shit hit the fan yesterday, I realized just how much I do love him. Just the thought of losing him pretty much killed me, and it was then that I realized just how much I've come to love him. Of coarse, I realize that this may be my downfall at some point in life. After all, life changes, nothing ever stays the same for to long. But I also realize that I would rather have this life, this happiness, this life rite now, no matter how fleeting, then to never have it at all. It has only been recently that I got that old saying, "that it is better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all" Sappy I know, and no, I haven't lost him yet, and "knock on wood" I wont for a long time, but no matter what happens, I am glad that I feel this way. Although at times like Sunday night, when it pretty mush killed me, I still didn't regret falling in love with him. for some reason, this feeling is just worth it. I love it. And I realize that I sound like some over dramatic, romancing life, looking-through-rose-colored-glasses, prolly-smoked-some-pot, cliched chick rite now - But sadly enough, I mean every word. I am however very tired, and would like to fall asleep if you don't mind, And the boys are evenly matched in this halo round at 21 to 21, so hopefully soon I will be in my bed, asleep, with Andrew next to me, feeling safe and warm, and so dead to the world that you will all be able to hear my snoring. Good night all. Amd remember, if you put to much soap in a dishwasher, you get bubbles all over the kitchen floor. Trust me...I'm not allowed to use the dishwasher anymore.

Thats not a joke

Check one off of my Pushin Up The Daisys list...well actually two....

2008-03-01T10:25:00.001-08:00

Ok, so you've heard of the "Bucket List". You know, things you want to accomplish before you kick the bucket? Well, I've got a Daisy list. It;s things I want to do and accomplish before I'm pushin up the daisies. It's kind of a normal list, but with a few of those odd little things added in there to make me me. Well, number one on my bucket list is to ride on one of those mini Zambonis, the kind that they use for cleaning the floor in schools and all. I know, kind of dork, but this is me. And so I was talkin to one of the janitors there, Rick, and I mentioned that it's on my Daisy list, and he was awesome enough to give me a 2 minute course in driving one and let me drive it around the school. And of coarse, Andrew just had to take a picture of me, with all my dork hanging out. Yay me. But yes, i got one thing off of my Daisy List. Actually I realized that night that I got two off of my Daisy list, but the other is a rather personal one, so I'm not gonna go into detail on that one. That night was also the night of the colleges little Mardi Gra thing. I went for the gumbo. As you can see below, Mandi, as well as a lot of other people got into it a bit. And no she's not missing a tooth, she's licking her lips and it looks like she's missing a tooth. No really she is. Whatever.
Also, it's so funny, because Emma has uthese really strong glasses, cause she's pretty much blind. So Andrew tried them on. Now I'm telling you, when I tried them on, it was like I was suddenly in some weird Salvadore Dolly Painting, cause everything looked weird and melting and wow is she blind. Well, Andrew tried them on, and oh my god he looked like his eyes shrunk and a chunk from the side of his head went missing. These glasses are so strong that they are like magnifying glasses - in reverse. So of coarse I had to take a picture and share it with the my friends and the world. Ha ha. I told him that this was for taking pictures of the dork me on the Zamboni machine. Oh man, this night was crazy. I mean crazy. I ended up skipping my art class this night to. It's from 6:30 to 9:30, and I did not want to stay there and draw for that long. So I went to class, handed in the project that was due (i was one of only like two people that got it done already) and said that I was going to grab a cup of coffee and sketch out my next project. Well, I left, and didn't return as was previously thought. Later, at nine thirty, one of the girls that is in my class said that he was a little pissed about me leaving and not coming back. So that means that the project due by the end of next class I'm going to get done this weekend and hand in at the beginning of class, and hopefully he will forgive my little faux pau. I don't really mind missing out though. The whole night really was worth it to me, it was to much fun and was just worth missing my class for. I know that I shouldn't think that way, but hey, once in a while it's okay to skip a class for a mental health day. But hey, I do get my work done and am passing like everything but my biological psychology class. which I'm working extra hard on now to learn cause I have to pass everything. I have to go though because I told Tiff this morning that I would be hanging out with her and it prolly seems to her that I'm trying to blow her off wich is not what it is, I'm just not in a very socializing mood.

Another Post

2008-02-27T12:31:00.000-08:00

Yeah I got bored in the lounge because everyones either playin euchre or is just not talking to anyone so I figured I'd come back down to my dorm and pop a post out for all of you. Oh my god, I can't believe it either because I actually do have people reading my blog regularly. Way back when I said what I did "about posting more because of other people reading it) as a joke, I didn't actually think that people were reading this. I mean shit! And they think that my life is entertaining. Well, I could have told you that, after all it's about my life and as anyone that knows me would tell you, my life is anything but average. I both love that and hate that, cause every once in a while, I kind of crave normal. Maybe that's why I like Andrew so much. He's got to be the most normal part of my life these days, and he himself is not normal. Imagine that. Oh by the way, I posted the pic of him in his pj's cause I think he looks incredibly goofy in them. A cute goofy, but still, I laugh. I took the pic last night, a few hours before I went to a Chinese restaurant with him and Patrick. After that he dyed my hair again, wich is the below picture. And yeah, i know....I look paler. The color was supposed to be brighter. Plus before I only had one box, and so he ended up missing some spots in my hair, so my head was tie-dye for a good week. But yeah. Um we did go out for Chinese last night. I paid for his AND my meal, but thats cool because today in a few hands of blackjack with him (all of which I won) I secured it so that when he gets his car and drives me down so that he can meet heather and we can see each other again, he has to pay for gas..... both ways......and it's an hour drive......I love black jack. Your welcome heather. Oh, what I was going to say though, was that the Chinese place, although mediocre food, was an all you can eat buffet, so the boys ate a lot more than they should have, but hey, they are growing boys, and they got there monies worth. And we had a lot of fun, talking, gossiping, making future plans. Everthing was great, making it a night that I would anjoy remembering for a long time. And then, as always, something crops up to make a sweet memory a little sour. I had to take the check up, but was lingering at the table to finish the conversation. I just started to get up when Patrick says, "Isn't that Leo?" Now for those of you that have not followed my blog all the way through (which you should because some of my earlier ones are full of things that are totally unbelievable, but entirely true) then you would know that I DON'T want to be around him, let alone see him, hear his name, think about him, or have any kind of remembrance of him in my life. So as you can guess, my ass gravitated back to my seat post haste so that I could assess teh situation and find a quick way to deal with it in a non-knife-throwing and non-screaming-calling-him-a-pencil-dick-that-will-never-grow-up-dick-wad kind of way. thankfully, I had Andrew and Patrick with me, and although Leo was with a friend of his, he was also with his pregnant girlfriend (who made it very clear that she never wanted to lay eyes on me-ever), so unless he wanted her to start bitching at him about how he told her that he wanted to be with me, then he was going to keep his mouth shut, no matter what. All the he did was glare at me as he walked by, and I looked rite at him, unblinking, and smiling. So yeah, i think I handled the situation very well. Luckily he never goes to class so I've only seen him at the college twice this semester. But hey, on a brighter note, Andrew and I have been going out for a total of three and a half weeks, so that something to be excited about! I think he deserves a medal for lasting this long. I think he deserves a congratulations for not pissing me off or being a bastard or a dick so that I'd have to drop him. Funny thing is, I think I MIGHT be falling in love with the goofy bastard. I can't be certain, after all, I've never been in love, but I don't know. It's how he makes me feel, how I feel around him, and when he's gone, the fact that when he's gone I miss him terribly, the amount that I care for and about him. I've never trusted anyone as inexplicably as I trust Andrew, there just hasn't been anyone that I could trust this much this long into knowing them. Hell, I trusted him as soon as I met him this semester. Haha, a good story for when I get home is the story of how we FIRST met. It's one of those cute little stories that couples love to tell about how they met, except this is me, so it's got a very nice twist to it. Unfortunately it's a story that I LOVE to tell, and although my written is pretty much me talking in a written down form, I prefer to tell it, that way I can get the proper amount of...hmmmm guess you could say, emotion into the story. I should probably go though. I left Loverboy in the lounge playing cards and I know that by now the game must have broken up and he's bored again. So I'll talk to all of you later. And please comment, I know that I'm a comment whore and I'm proud of it. Plus it lets me know that I can post and you won't end up missing a chunk of my story because you didn't know that I posted again. After all I'm posting a lot more now. So bye, love you all.

Yaaaarrrrrg........

2008-02-23T19:31:00.000-08:00

I don't have to much to say, just wanted to kind of drop a line. Umm, Andrew and I are doing great, he's a bit, dare i say miffed at Ray rite now over something that he tried pulling, but everything's going to turn out fine. It's all rather minor thank fully, but I still am not liking the conflict. After all the drama that went on last semester, the last thing I want is for more drama rite now. I think that thats a bit understandable. My classes are doing pretty good. I'm struggling a bit in my Biological Psychology class but I'm slowly getting better at it. My art classes are a bit more challenging this semester to, so I don't feel as bored with them. I don't want to go sometimes but I'm not bored with them. In fact I just got a project done for my Design II class. I think that they turned out nicely. Let me know what you think of them please. I'm actually glad that they turned out as good as they did just because I hate painting so much. Not to much is really going on rite now. I'm pretty much just tryin' to survive rite now. But who isn't these days? I've actually been missing home a bit these past few days. Not my home, but all you people back home. Some days it just gets hard to deal with the people here and it seems like the only person I can deal with on a day to day basis is Andrew. Lucky him he's the only one I don't want to kill these days. Even Ray is getting on my nerves way to much. I'm hoping that this is just some kind of phase I'm going through rite now and that it will pass soon, cause I hate feeling this way. I'm sure though that maybe if I change my surroundings for a few days, or even a few hours I might feel a lot better. Luckily next weekend, my brother is going to come and get me so that I can spend some time with him and Amber and the kids. I'm looking forward to that actually, I mean I've barely been around Garry fir the past couple years, so yeah I'm excited. Also, Andrew is going to be buying a car in the beginning of march, and he's already promised to take me down one of the days so that I can see heather again. I'm really excited about that. It wasn't until the last time that I talked with Heather on the phone that I really realized how much I missed her. So pray that he can find a cheap reliable car quick. Well, i think that I'm gonna go though. I've got to do some dishes and then tomorrow I'm going to be cleaning my room and doing a bunch of laundry. SO I will chat with you all later. Have a good night.

WOW

2008-02-16T20:09:00.001-08:00

Just a short blurb here, but it's official. Andrew now has the title of being my longest lasting boyfriend. I think that we should all give him a hand, cause we all know that I'm a bit of a handful and have a habit of being a bit hard on the guys I have. And most of the guys I get are assholes so I end up dumping them quick. So yeah, we are now, as of February 15, 2008 - a total of two weeks and a day of being together. Damn it's kinda sad that my longest relationship has only been two weeks, but still, I'd rather stick it out with a wonderful guy like Andrew than trudge through life with assholes like Leo. But, because we get along so well, and the fact that it feels so great in all directions, I do believe that this is going to last a lot longer than these two weeks. But, ending on that happy note, I do believe that I'm going to jet because a friend of mine is going to be coming tomorrow and I'd like to get my room clean. After all, Kami is gonna be sleeping in my bed, and poor Andrew is gonna be sleeping in the floor... and it's his choice so don't get all grrrrr with me. So yeah...Bye, I miss you all, and I'll see you all soon when I come home for my short week long spring break!!!

Valentines Day

2008-02-14T13:25:00.000-08:00

It's valentines day, if you didn't already know. Now I've never been a big fan of this particular holiday. After all, it's a holiday that was manufactured by the candy companies and Hallmark to make more money. But, this is the first time that I've had a boyfriend on this day of hearts and cherubs. And I'm gonna tell ya, It's still not a big deal for me. The thing is, It's one of those holidays where you need money to celebrate it most times, and I'm not the type to try and get my boyfriend of a week and a half to go out and buy me a ring or something. I actually didn't expect him to get me anything. And seeing as how neither of us have any money, we both new that there wasn't any way that we were going to be spending any money on each other. It was a nice day for me however. After all, yet again, Andrew spent the night at my place (He's practically living with me rite now seeing that his schedule is set up so that he cant catch his bus home on Mondays and Wednesdays and needs a place to stay those nights at least). And at about eleven pm last night, we went up to the empty third floor commons room to veg on the giant comfy couches and so he could help me on my homework (biological psychology) cause half way through the giant web quizzes I normally get to the point where I just say "fuck it" and get a bad grade because I don't stick with it, so he helps me keep on focus and to not get bored and say "fuck it". So when we got my homework done, we put family guy on the plasma screen tv (score!!) and just kinda vegged out together. Then, however, he pulls out his phone. "Shit." I suddenly heard from him. I asked what was wrong and he said that it was 12:02 am. I, being blond, was like, well whats wrong you miss something? He says yes, leans in, says happy valentines day and kisses me. Honestly I think that that is much better then if he was to give me a bear or chocolate or something. It was just really sweet.

This should however cheer some of you up. Today is not really a day of hearts for me, I will always remember today in my biological psychology class because of the fact that I got to see human brains. Yep, my professor brought in four different brains, two whole, on in half, and one in slices to show us. And I'm telling you it was so surreal to see a real human brain like that. So I decided while she was lecturing my small group on it that I would take a video for you all to see, unfortunately, I can't put it on to blogger because the file is to large. To bad, because it's really cool. I do however have pictures of it for you.

Also as a little update: the whole fiasco with the alcohol at my dorm and all that jazz? I have now gotten it all worked out so it's no big deal. I had to go in to talk to the nurse at the college, and we talked about alcohol and how to notice if you have a problem and how to drink responsibly, which lasted about halve an hour, and I was finally done. So yeah, I'm all good with that as well. Do believe however that it is my time to retire, because I have yet another art class to go to tonight and I need to get all of my stuff ready. So by and have a happy valentines day.

A New Post

2008-02-06T22:40:00.000-08:00

Okay, I need to post something for yall, so I figured some pics and a brief explanation of everything thats been goin' on with me as of a week and a half in would suffice. After all it's 1:41 am, so yeah thats what I'm gonna do.

First of all, yet again I have a new guy. Now for those of you that now me, I've had a shitty streak of guys. And at first, with most of them I kept saying things like, "oh he's a great guy" and "I think that this is going to last", and other statements that sounded false to even my ears. After all, you have never met these guys, but if you did, you would have known that I was pretty much just lying to make myself feel better about the situations and guys that I found myself with. thats not to say that they were all bad guys, because a couple of the recent guys had a few good points, I'm not going to say who but a few of you know who.

Thing is, I met a new guy this semester. I make it sound like I just met him but I met him once last semester as well, but that was the only time I saw him. Thing is, i met him again the day that I got my request in for a room assignment, and after a few hours of talking with him and Kat, he offered to come to my appointment with Kat to help me pack all of my stuff. So I got to know him a bit that night. The next day, when i got the key to my new room, I saw him again, and told him about just mentioned key. He then offered to help me move all of my stuff to the new room. After all of us (Joe, Kat, Josh and Ray also helped) ray and I ended up hanging out with him until about three am. The next day, Ray, Andrew and I Hung out together until about 1:00 am, and then when Ray got tired, Andrew and I went to my dorm and we watched a comedy special on my laptop. Because it was so late (he was staying in Kats room that night because he doesn't live at the dorms, he has an apartment elsewhere), I let him stay in my room. The best part is, although I could kind of tell that he was interested in me, he never tried anything. He slept on the bed with me, and he kept a respectful distance, never made any rude comments, and never tried to feel me up while I was sleeping or something. To me, this in a guy is like finding $1,000 in my can of spaghetti o's. The next night, yet again it was to late to have him try and knock on Kat's door, waking her up and all when she has 8:00 am classes, so when Ray got tired we went to my room again. This time however, neither of us were tired, so we ended up not going to sleep and just talking the entire night and morning about who we were and are and past things in our life. And by the time we had to get around for classes, he kissed me, and well, since then, we have been together, a lot, and my god, I never thought that I could be this comfortable or trusting with a guy. I never feel like he's lying to me about things, or that he's just after me to sleep with me, or that I don't mean anything to him. I'm not saying that this is going to last forever or that it's going to fall apart quickly or what, but what I am saying is that I'm happy. Like, for the first time in my dating history I am actually 100% happy with and about a guy that I am dating. I don't think that I have ever laughed this much with a guy, or that I have ever felt so safe with one of my past guys. After all, as some of you know thats an issue with me now a days due to the fact that I was afraid of one of my exes. But yeah, only time will tel on this one. I want you all to see what he looks like though, and maybe you can tell from the picture that he's not some weird creepy scumbag or anything. I don't know though, because a part of me wants you all to see the picture because it's kind of a case of, "Damn I can't believe that I've bagged a guy that looks this good!!!" as well. Sorry y'all, but you haven't seen his but either. haha, no in all seriousness though I actually feel a lot more at peace with him.

But anyways, heres some pictures of some of my friends and all down at "the lounge", or as we also call it, "The Couches"
The above picture is Andrew!!! I know that it's not the best picture of him, for god sakes he's not even smiling in this one, but you gotta give me props on the picture because he didn't even know that I was taking pictures, let alone of him. Haha, no I'm not creepy stalker, he was in the lounge and I was open about having my camera out, it's not my fault he wasn't paying attention.
The above is of both Andrew and Caleb. Some of you know the story about Caleb, but I am not going to get into that story online because thats a story for another day. And yes, Caleb dresses like that on a daily basis. And yes, Andrew looks good, but he looks even better in real life. Lol!
this is Ray and Caleb. And yes.....Ray is holding Caleb's hand up to his man boobs. It's hard to explain, so I'm just gonna tell you that he was having Caleb look for breast cancer, and you are going to believe.
This is Kat and Emma. Kat is on top and Emma is on the bottom. I realy like this picture though because of the angle and how they look in it.

And last but not least, is Josh. He is AMAZING at guitar, a sarcasm king, and probably one of the coolest people I have ever met.

But yeah, heres your post and leave me my wonderful awesome messages cause I love all of your feedback. By catch ya later.

Movin Out

2008-01-28T20:59:00.000-08:00

OK, Thought I would give you all an update real quick here. My three roommates and i DO NOT get along, at all. The thing is, I've gotten really sick of it. I was hoping that they would mellow out over the vacation, but unfortunately that has not happened. Now all of you may be asking what the problem is, but thats really hard to answer because it really is a combination of a lot of things. For one thing two of my roommates are so unrealistic that every time a breeze comes in I wonder of they are going to blow away like paper out the window, just because it seems as though they see the world one dimensional. Well, this is to say that it is a combination of a lot of things, the last straw being that I'm sick of them giving me the that-piece-of-shit look every time i walk in the room. So, instead of doing what I would like and bitching them out in a very Designing Woman sort of way, and storming back to my room thus ensuing a lot of fights and drama, Ray has talked me into just getting a room change, which is now possible thanks to the fact that there were a lot of drop outs and a lot of the rooms at the suits are empty. So lets hope that the next roommates are more agreeable and not such bitches. And no, I am not writing this angry, i am actually very calm, and am merely typing this to let you all know whats up. Chat me later.

Lifestyles of the Poor and Starving!!!!

2008-01-26T16:42:00.000-08:00

Ok, so i was thinking when I was getting my room back to the way that I like it that none have you have seen my dorm yet, and i havn't really pasted any pics. of it. So I figured why not do an installment on my room first. I'd do more but I'm a bit tired.the above is the view of my room from the doorway. It's nice and small and my own space so I love it. And on the left you can see the 40$ lamp that i found under a lamp post at the begining of semester.
This is my desl, really cluttered, but you better like it because this is the cleanest that it's gonna look all semester.
This is the view from my bed, and you can see my armoir over there. My rooms a bit white and plain on this side, so i guess that i better buy a poster for it or something eventually.
And this is my sweet window. Sorry its sideways, but i cant get it rite side up in Blogspot. Haha too bad. By the way don't ya just love the Shoelaces that I use as curtain ties? They are pink and black checkerboard, ya gotta love em!

Well, this is the first installment of this whole, Lifestyles of the Poor and Starving. Tune in next time for the kitschen/living room!

New Blog

2008-01-17T19:44:00.000-08:00

Yes!!! I have a new blog!!! Bookmark it, I know you want to!!!!
www.chopsticksandporn.blogspot.com

and no, there is no porn. I want that cleared up rite now. I just thought that that would make a cool title. haha, its empty now but soon it shall have many an image!!!

Wow, thats all that I have to say, just, WOW

2008-01-17T17:05:00.000-08:00

I want to thank the randomly awesome person that left me a comment mentioning that they are adding my blog to their blogroll. I am honestly surprised at this because I never thought that someone randomly clicking through sites would find mine interesting enough to want to continue reading about my life and all the shit thats happened to me (and the inevitable shit thats gonna happen to me eventually, whether i like it or not). But hey, because i know that other people may be reading this, other than just close friends and family (and by family, you know who you are), i might try to remember to post more often, because its one thing to be yelled at by family that i haven't posted often enough, but by random strangers, well, thats something i don't need rite now. But hey, whatever gets me motivated, ya know. So all of my close friends and family should be happy to know that because i have even more responsibility to type in this, that i shall try to do just that, and type like, whats that? Why i think its, THE WIND. Sorry, had too. I'm a dork like that.
Oh and I'm working on making a new blog. I'm hoping that it's gonna look really good. I'm going to be posting my artwork on it, and hopefully i can get some good constructive criticism on it. After all, I'm only going to be posting 100% original artwork, so I'm going to need it.
thank you again random blogger, and please comment on my life as much as possible, cause after all, i do my best work when im on a deadline, so who knows, i might do better at life with an audience. Well, lets hope so.
Blog ya later, -Beth

Uuuuummmmm...........

2008-01-07T17:28:00.000-08:00

Cha, well, ya.....I'm home now, so I'm not realy writing in my blog, cause, ya know, everyone back home now knows whats up with me now, cause your all around me. So yeah. I will however continue blogging as soon as I'm back at the college, I promise, and i hope that i will have much happier, funny and not so "oh my god Beth's gone crazy and is running wild" kind of stories. Well, I mean crazy is good, just not the, "yeah i had sex with a guy to get rid of another guy that was a shit and I saw that as the best way to get rid of him" kind of crazy. Although it makes a good plot twist for a book, its not so good in my life, except as good stories to tell around the water cooler during med time at the insane asylum that im obviously headed for. But at least with an arsenal like this Crazy Frederik might trade me a valium for a good story. I guess that thats called banking on the future. But, cha, I'm gonna type more after I go back, and since the semester starts on the 28th, I'll let you guess about when my next will be. So chat with ya then. Love ya, Beth

5 Guys, 2 Girls, 1 Bottle of Vodka and a Queen

2007-12-08T10:31:00.000-08:00

Gas to get to the dorms - $12.00
2 boxes Jello - $1.63
1 bottle of vodka - $15.12
The cost of your best friend making a drunken scene about you and all of your personal stuff in front of all of your friends? - priceless

Yeah, I went to a friends apartment upstairs and they were all drinking and having a good time. Well, I have just started my grammatical manifestation, so I had to take some Midol for my stomach cramps which meant that I couldn't drink any alcohol. This is me doing the responsible thing. So I had the privilege of being one of the few sober people around the fully trashed people. This meant that I got to here all of this drunken banter and be able to write it all down to keep. these are my favorites:

Ray - Jesus died

Cory - in February
Ray - Jesus died in February? I thought I died in October?

Ray TO Josh - I made sexual advantagages to you... and I love you!

Ray TO Mat after mat agreed to making him ramen noodles - Your a hot and sexy squirrel on Mars!!

Cory - I wanna Punch a bear! How would that make you feel? I'd feel like the Billy bad ass

of the Forest!!! (This one is my favorite)

Now all of you should know as well that I do not drink alcohol that much as it is; when I do it just enough to get me tipsy, I know my limit and I do not go past that. All I like is the occasional, and I'm talking like every 5 weeks or so, time when i need to wind down and just get a tiny bit loose. But I only do it when I have a few close friends that I trust with me. I especially refuse to get drunk in that kind of setting that I was in last night though. Even though I knew everyone that was there, I would be afraid of making myself out a fool like Ray did last night.
Last night, ray took five shots of 80 proof vodka and two vodka Jello shots. Then he talked Mat into one more shot of vodka. Ray, who is a big guy, was pretty drunk. Ray started making a whole scene about me and all of my shit and past choices and everything. All of which was stuff that no one else was supposed to know about and was really embarrassing to have him yell about drunkenly. What was more embarrassing was when I couldn't calm Ray down and get him to stop yelling at me, Josh had to step in and get him to stop and talk him down. It was so awful because it was all of this personal shit and then Josh felt that he had to get in there and calm him down before he said more shit about me. I was not the only one there that was sober. Sam, Josh, and Mat were sober and Joe had already sobered up by this point in the night. So everyone had to hear all of my personal business like that . And what made me so mad was when it was 2:30 in the morning, I'm dog tired from taking care of two really drunk people. one of whom cut himself whittling, and then to have Ray screaming all of my personal shit, I ended up leaning back on Mat because I was so tired and so overwhelmed. What I'm mad about is that when Ray saw this he screamed, "Oh and now your gonna Fuck him to! Thats just great!" and then continued on that. This made me so mad because Mats a close friend of mine and Ray just seemed to be saying everything that he knew could get me as upset as possible. God I just wanted to cry at the crescendo just because I was so tired and exhausted and ray just kept yelling and screaming about me.
I hated the end of the night with ray but I'm glad that I was there to witness that. It really solidified the fact that I never want to get drunk. That I'm fine with being mildly tipsy and that dunk is a level that I never want to achieve. You say things that you never want to say, you make an ass of yourself, its easier to get hurt and to hurt other people, and it just changes you, and not always for the better. And this is something that I don't want to be a part of.

On a Lighter Note

2007-12-05T18:36:00.000-08:00

So that all of you know rite now, I am breaking it off with Caleb as soon as i see him. I just cant do this anymore. What we have is not something that I'm looking for. Probably because theres not much there at all and I'm just not that kind of girl. I guess that I needed to go through it a bit to realize that though. You see, I do learn, I just need to experience some things for myself first at times, even if it ends in a bit of heartache and frustration, its still a learning point, and I still found out more about who I am in the long run.
Oh also, when I go home, my tooth will be fixed!!! My last appointment is on the 18th and then I'll be going home on the 21st. So yeah, I won't have a gapped tooth smile anymore.
Also, I wrote this amazing essay for my English class. We had to do a research paper on a topic of our choice. The teacher is amazing, Sandy, I swear I love her. She reminds me of an erect, more stable, non chain smoking Miss Gilray. Like Miss G, she is addicted to her coffee so there is that. But I figured that I would post my essay because it really is the best one that I have ever written and I actually like it. (and see Heather, I am writing essays, even though I normally hate them)

We should be dead, and we know it

I woke up in the parking lot, on the black top. I got up on my elbows and saw the blurry forms of my glasses and cell phone in front of me. They found there way into my left hand, and I sat up. The surrounding cars were dark, blurry, and empty. There was no one in the parking lot or surrounding area.
Something trickled down my neck. My hand moved to my face, and returned covered in blood. Even with this sight, the implications did not register in my mind. I did not panic, in fact I didn’t think much of it. Even though I skidded forward a couple of feet on pavement I couldn’t feel any pain.
I was sitting there for a minute or two when I remembered what happened and who I was with. I turned completely around and saw him laying on the ground. I stood and walked the few feet to His body. Kneeling at His side, the only visible sign that he was alive was His chest slowly moving up and down. He was unconscious.
My cell phone has no minutes on it, so I couldn’t call 911. The thought to reach into His pockets and look for His phone didn’t enter my mind. It wouldn’t have helped anyways because they did not find His phone until after the accident. It had skidded a few feet away from him on impact with the ground. The surrounding area was still deserted, yet all I could do was scream for help. After all I wasn’t going to leave His side. So I
screamed and pleaded for someone to come, as loud as I could. Soon, an older couple came out of the back door to the building closest and walked the distance to us. When the
women took in the scene she went into a state of shock. She sat down on the dark ground about two feet away from us, silent and staring. The man with her said that he was going to go and find help, then ran to the front of the building. The women silently watched us the entire time, never moving from her corner of the concrete.
Soon after the man came back with a security guard in toe. I had known this guard since the beginning of the semester, he works in my dorms but his name still escapes me. The guard informed me that he was trained as an EMT, and continued to position His head on the ground to keep it from being damaged any further. Before he could radio out for help, one of my roommates stumbled upon the scene. She had decided that she had to take a midnight trip to Wal-Mart and just happened to stumble upon us at the right time. She pulled out her cell phone and called 911 for medical help.
While my roommate was on the phone, He started to awaken a bit. Every time He would start to come out of the fog he would try to stand up. Because there was no one else there yet, and the guard had to keep his head held in position, I had to be the one to keep pushing him down. It was now that I felt that one of my teeth had been broken in half, but I still felt no pain because “The adrenalin created by an abrupt blast of stress sends a flood of oxygen-rich red blood cells through your body, boosts your immune system, and signals your brain to start releasing painkilling endorphins” (Tust).
The time that it took for the ambulance and police to arrive is lost on me. I was told afterward that it took about half an hour after the call, but it felt like ten minutes to
me. When the EMTs arrived, they loaded Him onto a stretcher, and loaded him into an ambulance. Next they made me lay down on the ground and put a neck brace on me. Then they put me on a bored which they used to transfer me to the stretcher and loaded me into a separate ambulance.
When the doors were shut I was introduced to my two personal emergency medical technicians. One was a middle aged man, the other a young blonde women. They told me what they were doing at every step so that if I had questions or concerns I could voice them. They told me when they attempted to put the IV in my arm all three times and when they finally achieved there goal. They also inform me when they cut up the legs of my jeans and down my shirt so that they could safely look for injuries that they thought couldn’t wait for the hospital. Luckily there are none. My entire body however is shaking uncontrollably, which happens “if body temperature drops below 90 F” (Hypothermia and…). I asked my technicians and they informed me that even though it was a mild night, that and I was wearing a hoodie, that the stress and adrenalin levels made it possible for hypothermia to set in to my body. “Hypothermia is when the body gets cold and loses heat faster than the body can make it” (Hypothermia and…). They put blankets over me to help get me warmer, but the shaking continued. What kept me going was asking more and more questions throughout the rest of the trip and learning what I could about the many tests and things that they were doing to me.
When we arrived at the hospital, they pulled me from the ambulance and wheeled me into an emergency room. Five or six male doctors massed over me. They took of my blankets and cut and removed what was left of my jeans and shirt. They then continued to
slice and remove my bra and underwear. I was still strapped to the stretcher so there was nothing that I could do about it even if I did have the energy. Thus began the poking and prodding by every doctor there to make sure that there were no more injuries then what could be visibly seen. When they were done with their questions about whether I had any allergies and my medical history, and everyone had done there job as of yet, they left me in the room to do there own work.
I was alone sans one male nurse who had been charged with the job of cleaning the wounds on my face. It was when he was swabbing at the bloody area at my chin that the pain started to kick in. Within ten minutes of when he started, all of the pain hit me like a wave. It was now than I could feel all the scrapes on my chin and lower lip, the skinned knees and elbows and the pain of the exposed nerve in my broken tooth. And on he cleaned, bringing feeling and pain with each movement of the cloth. Soon I was in agony and unable to move because I was still strapped to the stretcher, yet I didn’t fight the straps or moan in pain. I merely focused on ignoring the pain by asking him questions about himself and his job, where se was from and how long he’d been doing his job, while wincing at every movement he made on my face.
When he was done I was left alone in the room for a long time. The time is not something that stuck prominently in my mind because I could never move my body to see a clock. I was still strapped to the stretcher and still had my head in a neck brace, so my movement was limited. When the MRI machine was free, they wheeled me in and placed me on the machines bed for a CT scan. “A computer tomography (CT) scan uses x-rays to make detailed pictures of structures of the body” (Essig). They passed me through it twice
and then a female nurse came to my side. She injected an iodine dye into my IV to “make structures and organs easier to see on the CT pictures.” (Essig). When the dark liquid entered my veins, a metallic taste entered my mouth like someone tossed a buck fifty in pennies in and shut my jaw. Then a warmth began to spread through my body, a wave of warmth that started at my arms to and moved to my legs. At first the warmth was welcoming and nice. Then the temperature began to rise alarmingly fast. It felt as though I was being roasted from the inside. This intense heat lasted for about ten minutes and then began to subside to a dull warmth that was very easy to live with.
Still I’m strapped to the stretcher, unable to move and they leave me in another room to wait. People move around me on there way to other parts of the building. All I could do was lay there and wait for whatever was next. After what felt like a long time a nurse retrieved me for some x-rays. They needed to check my jaw to see how bad the injuries were there, and to see if I had any internal damage in my chest and stomach. Luckily, even through the severity of the accident, I had no internal wounds, just my scraped up face and limbs and missing tooth.
A while after this they took off my neck brace and removed the straps holding me down. After a small fight with the nurses, they then let me slowly get up and move myself into a stationary medical bed. The doctor then entered with a lot of charts and x-rays and told me that I would need some time to recuperate and would have a lot of scars on my face, but that I would be fine. So he discharged me.
I was able to walk out of that hospital, at eight am, with a broken tooth and some minor aches and scrapes. Today I am fully healed with very minor scaring where each of
my scrapes were. My tooth is very close to being fixed, after having two root canals done on the same tooth and am close to getting it capped.
My friend was in the hospital for a week. He has no visible injuries. He was however unconscious for about twenty four hours and was out into a chemical induced coma for six hours. The only injuries that he sustained were a bruised lung, fractured skull and some brain trauma. He is now up and walking, talking, and living like nothing ever happened to him, even though every doctor that saw him told him that he should be fully paralyzed from the impact.
We have both talked about the accident and the events that led to it and the after affects a great deal of times. Both of us have come to our own conclusions about what happened. The most important thing that we agreed on is that we should both be dead.

He's definetly a Scumbag

2007-12-02T17:38:00.000-08:00

Ok I'm over the bastard but I still figured that i would inform you all about the latest that I have found out. The latest is the fact that he is one of the biggest liars that I have ever met (he being Leo) like to the point of being a pathological liar.
Leo has some major holes in his stories that do not match up. For one thing theres the story of how he got into legal trouble. I have so far herd 4, count 'em, 1, 2, 3 , 4 different stories by four different people about how he got in major trouble.
1. he told me over voice mail that he was in a bar and a guy tried to stab his brother and so he broke a bottle over the guys head.
2. he told Ray that it was because he got caught doing something that involves the "family business" ( the select few of you that I've told of this know what I'm talking about an dhow bad that is)
3. he told James that it was because he was in a bar and someone was talking shit about his sister so he just broke a bottle over his head.
4. He told Andre that he was walking down the street with friends and that some random guy thought that this guy that he was walking with was a part of a gang, pulled a knife on him, and Leo found some random bottle and smashed it over his head, in the middle of the street..... does any one here how crazy that sounds?
Thats not all. theres also the fact of when he came home. He told Ray that he came home on Wednesday and then he told Andre that he got home on Monday. Thats really fucking fishy to me.
then he's been telling people all of these stories about his little confrontation with Caleb. He told Ray that he took a swing at Caleb, when I know for a fact that he didn't. And he then told Andre that he took Caleb outside, through him against a wall, and continued to cuss him out for sleeping with me. And apparently Caleb (who has about six inches and a good fifty pounds on Leo) was whimpering and pleading and everything. I just can't wait to tell because he's gonna laugh his ass off.
Well, i don't have any more anger about it rite now, in fact that fuse has just been blown because of something that I just read on a friends my space. I've got to go actually. Ill talk to you all again soon.

Two Guys, a Text and One Very Pissed Off Chick

2007-11-30T06:58:00.000-08:00

OK, so everyone knows that I was going out with Leo. This is a was because he was treating me like crap in more than one way. And the thing about me is, I refuse to be stuck in a relationship that I'm unhappy in. I refuse to be like one of those women on the lifetime channel who just deals with the crap boyfriend by saying, "but he love me" over and aver like a mantra from hell. Thats, just not me, I'm too strong for that. I took gravel to the face and won, I mean come on. Thats why only a few close friends here at the college knew about the way that he was treating me. I didn't want to worry anyone back home about ALL the details. Especially a certain friend of mine who would be overly worried and upset about the kind of guy that I had ended up with. What can I say though, I have had a knack for attracting the wrong sort of guys. Now normally I wouldn't let everyone know how he was treating me over a blog like this but the only way that I can tell you the rest of the story is to include this. The thing about Leo was that he was pushing me into sex each time. He would push and harass me until I just gave in and said fine. I never really wanted to and I have no idea why I actually was weak enough to give in each time. He had this way of knowing just what buttons to push (and I don't mean sexually). Also he started treating me like a fuck buddy, and he had a knack for saying things that could be pretty hurtful at times. So yeah he was not worth it.
The thing of it is, I wanted to break up with him before thanksgiving break because I was going home and I wanted it done and over with. The thing is he suddenly left for NYC for thanksgiving and didn't even tell me. I had to find out through a friend. So that plan was dashed. Then I thought that I could tell him when I got back to college. But he wasn't there. And a few days later I found out through another friend (because as you can guess the bastard hasn't sent word to me in the past two weeks about anything, let alone where he is) that he was going to be gone for another week. Now I've been sitting on the way that he treated me for the past two weeks and it seems like the more I though about it, the more I hated him for the way that he's been treating me.
Well, this is where the plot kind of thickens. Theres this guy that I know here named Caleb. We've met and chatted and all a few times and he's this really nice guy. He's very "blue collar", very respectful towards women, nice, funny and an all around nice guy. Well, I was mad the other day about Leo, and was sitting in the lounge and Ray left and it was just me, Caleb and a couple other random people that I know. I was sitting on the couch next to his couch. Well, he looked over at me and was like "come hither" and patted the seat next to him. I laughed because I thought he was joking, but then he said it again and so I did. I mean I trust the guy a lot more then I trust a few of my exes. Well, we chat for a few minutes and he ends up looking over at me and asks, "do you want to go somewhere and,you know, get to know each other a bit more?" Now I got it rite away by the way he said it but he also made it sound like a joke at the same time. And so I just laughed. And then he looked at me and said something like, "you think I'm joking" and I just looked at him. And then everything rushed into my head, all the crap ways that Leo treated me. But especially the times that he pushed me into sex and how I didn't want to, I just gave in each time after he pushed for so long. And I though about how in this situation I had a choice. He wasn't saying, come on we're gonna have sex now, he was asking me. I had the rite to say yes or no. No, i had the power to say yes or no. The situation was in my hands. So I said yes. And I cheated on Leo. And I want everyone to know that I know that what I did was not exactly high up on the ethical charts. I know this and I knew this when I made the decision. I am not the kind of girl that normally does this kind of thing. I just felt that it was something that I had to do. Fir me it wasn't about what we did, it was about the fact that I had the power to stop it, i had the power to keep it going, and I had to prove to myself that things could be and from now on would be done on my terms, and if I wasn't comfortable with the terms, then I was going to stop it and hold fast to my decisions.
The thing is I was still very mad at Leo. For all I knew he could be dead in NYC and he hadn't even tried to contact me in any way shape or form for two weeks. And that anger kind of crescendoed yesterday when I was in Rochester with Ray and Andre. I told them about the way that Leo was treating me a few days into vacation. And they were pissed off at the way that he was treating me too ( of coarse they were also a bit mad at me for not telling them sooner cause Ray said that he wanted to kill him for that). Well, we were talking about it in the mall and I was just so sick of talking about breaking up with him that I just wanted to get it done and over with. Well, Ray said, "why don't you just do it over text?" His reasoning was that after the way he treated me, Leo could use a dose of his own medicine. And why should I try and do the rite thing by him in that aspect when Leo couldn't respect me at all? And you know what? Being mad, fed up with him, and in a general bad mood about the subject, I decided to do it. The following words are the exact text that I sent him and I'm sorry for the explicit language and sheer lack of subtlety - "Hate 2 do this over the phone but u treated me like crap u havnt even tried 2 call me since youve been gone im sick of it oh and im fucking Caleb (click)" . That is the exact message I sent him, including the click. I realize now that I have a bad tendency of shooting my mouth off when I'm really angry and that that probably wasn't the best way to send that text. My bad, but my reasoning was that he's prolly going to be in NYC for a few days where he can cool off about the whole thing before he gets gets back. Well, we ended up texting back and forth over the next hour and a half to two hours, upon which he apologized for the not calling but completely overlooked the pushing me into sex part and how he treated me the rest of the way. So that got me thinking asshole rite there. He then says that because I cheated that means that he did nothing wrong. Yes because we all know that partial rape is negated when you cheat. You have to love a guys reasoning.
Well we had been texting and on the way back to canandagua and he said a lot of stupid crap, but then when I said that i wanted him to get his crap put of my dorm as soon as gets back home he suddenly says "I'm coming over now" Well that confuses me because last I heard he was in NYC, 8 hours away. Come to find out, he's been in Canandagua for the past three days and never thought to tell me. Come to find out he smashed a bottle over some guys head at a bar and is now in legal trouble and is going to be put on probation. Wow, great guy huh? I sure know how to pick 'em don't I? Well, I'm in a car and not home so I tell him that I'll text him when I get home. I arrive home and not a minute after we arrive Ray gets a text on his phone from Caleb that says that Leos at the lounge threatening to kill him. Ray and I then rushed over so that I could give him his small amount of stuff tere, so Ray could either stop or get into the fight that the two could get into, and to make sure that if there is a scene we can see it. And Caleb being the great guy that he is says it's incredibly funny. Thats because it really is, Caleb has a good 6 inches on Leo and is visibly in enough shape to throw some good punches and hold his own in a fight with little effort. I found out after that Leo asked everyone at the lounge if they knew who Caleb was, and Caleb raised his hand, not knowing the full story. Leo looked at him and pretty much deflated. Then he pulled out a cigarette, asked if he smoked, and when Caleb stood up to go and smoke with him, Leo went "wow your tall" and deflated a bit more. Caleb found the entire scene worth it and was laughing about it for quite a while, I was too when I heard the whole thing.
Now because we got there and there was no fight, ray was a little disappointed and he ended up walking with Leo to his place because Leo wanted someone to talk to and Ray was willing to set his anger for him aside to find out what the situation was going to look like, like if it looked like he was going to get violent towards me or if I would have to be careful when I was alone and all. And when he got back and we could talk he said that Leo was actually kind of cool about the whole thing, he was mad at me, but he was more mad at Caleb. Then, last night I get a text from him that just says - die in hell. i was tempted to text back - how about i die and then go to hell, it makes more sense that way, but Ray said this would start a whole new can of worms and so I refrained from that. But at least he is taking it all well.
The thing was to that I actually felt bad about cheating on him like that. I do have a heart and I'm not just some slut off the street. I knew that what I did wasn't exactly very correct or moral. And then I herd the voice mail that he left me. Yet again he made it out like how he treated me was perfectly fine and normal and just focused in the not calling thing, he called me a bitch, and reiterated the whole, he did nothing wrong because I'm the one that cheated thing, among a few other things that he said. And I can tell you all that after that voice mail I felt no shame in what I had done. The parts of me that felt like I should say sorry to him for cheating was obliterated. And I felt no remorse. In my opinion he got what he deserved for how he treated me. And I can tell you all that when it comes to guys I am doing a sort of screening process first and that at the first hint of someone acting like Leo did towards me i am going to drop his ass so fast he wont know what hit him.I have learned from all of this and will not take the hints lightly next time and am starting to see why some women go lesbian, cause damn, guys can give you a migraine and a half.
I want to say rite now that I'm sorry to anyone that gets upset by all of this because I was less than honest with a few people about the whole relationship. Especially Heather, I'm sorry, I just didn't want to admit that it was something that I could not be as strong as I should have been with. i was a little ashamed about the fact that I didn't end it sooner even though he was treating me like that. I'm really sorry you had to here all of this like that. And I'm telling you now that during Christmas break, were gonna get together somewhere secluded and alone, and you can seriously scream and yell and get everything off your chest about me and I wont get mad about anything that you say because I probably deserve every bit of it. It's not fair to you that you are bottling these things inside and I probably need to hear them anyways so we really do need to do that. Please call me sometime heather.

* a few more of the text sequences that you all may get a kick out of-
Leo: Well thanks for cheating in me iv ben fighting in court
Me: Your Welcome

Me: u never tried 2 contact me in the past 2 weeks you would push me into sex and you started to treat me like a fuck buddy instead of a girlfriend
Leo: Ur kiding? U told me u had no minutes
(he never said anything about any other ways that he treated me, he only refuted the not calling part the entire time. talk about an SOB.)

For All Who Don't Already Know

2007-11-15T21:06:00.000-08:00

For this if you back home I will be coming back for Thanksgiving. I will be arriving sometime late this Tuesday and will be leaving very early that Sunday. Can't wait to see everyone again. Love ya'll and see you soon, i have many stories to tell and laughs to share.

Another Recap

2007-11-14T16:55:00.000-08:00

Hello. I'm actually writing this in the laundry room. Doing the laundry here is awful. It really is, and I don't say that because I don't like laundry or something, cause thats not the problem. The problem is that it costs a dollar twenty five a load. And the dryers are a bit crap cause you have to do the dryer twice to get your clothes dry. I can deal though it's just annoying because its expensive and takes a lot of time out of my day.
I have another dentist appointment tomorrow. I have no idea what it is that they are doing to me now. Unfortunately though my tooth is still not capped so I still have this cute gapped tooth smile. Andre has been so great to because he's driven me to my last two dentist appointments and hes driving me to this one as well. I'm so glad that I have found such good friends here though. No one back home needs to worry about me just because I have such good friends taking care of me up here, making sure that I don't get into trouble or over my head or hurt or anything.
I haven't been able to see Leo since Monday though and probably wont for a couple more days. He's gone to Fairport each day since to be with a friend of his that he hasn't seen in a few years. I think he thinks that I'm mad at him for it though. I will admit though that I was a bit mad at him when I first found out though. You see, my cell phone is out of minutes, completely (it's a track phone, so its a piece of shit) so he knew that he couldn't call me directly. i knew though that he knew that he could call any one of my friends, whos numbers he has, to relay a message to me about it. So I was calling him that day and he never answered his phone, and then later that night, at like 9:30pm to be exact, during my art class, I borrowed some girls phone to try and call him one more time with. He answered, luckily, and there was a lot of noise in the background, and he told me he was gone and that he was gonna be gone for about a week and that he had to go. So yeah at first I was mad because it was like he hadn't even tried to get a hold of me to let me know at all. I don't have a problem with him leaving for a week, I just wanted him to let me know, ya know? Well, I was a bit mad, and i get to my apartment, and about five minutes after I sit at my computer Ray comes knocking at the door, and ten minutes later comes James and Amanda Knocking. The first thing that James says is, "Leo called me at Three and told me to tell you that he's...." You know the rest. So because he tried to tell me, I'm not mad anymore. I talked to him about half an hour ago on Amanda's phone for a few minutes and he sounded like he thought that I was mad at him. I tried to sound cheery though so he wouldn't think that I was, but he still sounded like he thought that I was mad. He didn't say anything about it though, just that he would be back soon and that he missed me and all. I guess that I'll have to reassure him that I'm not mad when he gets back, cause we cant seem to talk on the phone for more than five minutes.
Leo still isn't used to how i react to things. I think it's because he's not used to a girl that doesn't take everything so insanely personal. Like all of the girls that I know that found out about it were like, "we should go have some girl talk so that you can feel better" and all. i was like, "look. I'm not mad or anything, He tried to get a hold of me, and so he's gone for a while. I think I can survive." I mean, I lived 18 years without a boyfriend, I think I can wait a week or so to see my boy. But hey, thats just how I am. Like, i don't go chasing after him like a puppy dog, and I'm not calling him all the time to see if hes busy or what he's doing. In fact he always calls me to see if we can hang out or be together or to go out. Also when we are in a group together, especially my group, I don't just say fuck you to everyone in the group and just focus on him and hang off of him like most girls do. No I continue to talk to everyone and am still a part of the conversation. I mean I sit with him and all while we are, but I don't just zone into him like so many other girls do in a group like that.
I'd love to chat more but my laundry is done and I gotta get to my room. I'l write more later. Love ya.

Everything is looking up

2007-11-13T05:41:00.000-08:00

This is just a quick summary of whats going on rite now:
Leo and I are still together and happy
I made a bit of money yesterday so I'm not gonna starve this month
Ray and I are still doing great after the accident
I saw the movie across the universe with Ray and it was really cool
my phone is entirely out of minutes for the month so theres no way to contact me, I cant even open a text message
Oh and I haven't had the money for anything so I've been forced to use paper towels for toilet paper, but no worries cause now I can afford a few rolls.
And I have to go to class so I'll write more later

Love ya

Well, my tooth doesnt hurt anymore....

2007-11-03T15:07:00.000-07:00

I got my tooth fixed last Tuesday. Well, by fixed I mean that I had a root canal done on it. So theres a huge gaping hole in my tooth, but there is a temporary cap over it. Luckily it doesn't hurt... now. When it came to getting the root canal done however, well, thats another story. Come to find out I have a higher tolerance for nova cane then the normal person. Cause he injected it into my gums twice, and still the effects wore off within twenty minutes. So he started to drill, and my god did that hurt. then, because he realized i was in agony, he injected the nova cane directly into my tooth. then he started to drill without giving it a few minutes to kick in. So he had to inject more in because after a few more seconds of pain i was in agony again. the mans lucky I have a higher tolerance for pain since the accident or I might have killed him or fainted from it. But thankfully It was done and now I can eat without any pain.It is however still broken so this Tuesday I'm gonna get it capped so that it looks like I never got into an accident. Which is true for the most part because My face doesn't look like its going to be scarred at all, and neither are my elbows or knees. The only place I should have any scars are gonna be on my hands. Which I'm perfectly fine with since I am still alive and there could be a lot worse wrong with me.
Now I wasn't originally gonna add this into my post today, but I met another guy yesterday. well, actually we met about three days after the accident. His name is Leo. Leo Ozzo. He's Columbian, and came over with his family when he was nine. He speaks fluent Spanish still, and is more than fluent in English. And I really like him. He's different from the last guys. In fact I cant type any more rite now because i have to get around for our date tonight. Hopefully we are gonna walk to the bar, FUUL, but I have to call and see if they are gonna have live music playing tonight. If not then we are probably going to take a walk to the waterside. They have these wonderful swinging benches there that are nice to sit on and talk. So I have to dress warm either way cause FUUL is an hours walk away, and the lake will be cold and a little windy. So I gotta go. Love yall.

Another One Bites The Dust or Why Not To Go Van Surfing

2007-10-24T20:13:00.000-07:00

Tick off another boyfriend. Im up to three that have not made it. First Erik, who dumped me (asshole), then Joe, who I dumped, and now Garry, whom I also dumped. Well, not really dumped, because I was not that harsh to the poor guy, but we talked and decided that it was best that we each take some time alone, whether he wanted our relationship to end or not.
I'm getting ahead of myself a bit though. I guess that the first news should be that of the accident last Wednesday night. To make a long story short, my friend ray wanted out of the dorms, and texted a friend of his who had a car. Well, more like a van. The best way to describe it is it looked like a drug dealer van. It had the foot board and everything. Well, to cut this down to size, Ray and I were on the passenger side, and ray was talking to the driver who was his friend and so I wasnt really paying close attention to there conversation. Then Ray looked at me and said, put your feet up on the foot board and hold onto the top. .Now before you get ahead of me, I figured that Ray and the guy had done this before, you know, like he'd go 1 mile an hour for a few feet then stop and let us off, no big deal. So I stepped up and held on. The guy new that we were on and yet he sped up and took the corner hard. Both of us lost our footing and fell off. I'd be a lot worse off if it wasn't for Ray pulling me as we fell so that I landed on him. He on the other hand had some major head injuries and a punctured lung from when I landed on him. He was in the ICU for a while and he almost died on Thursday. Thankfully he is out of the hospital and at home with his parents. I am however not sure if he is coming back to college or not. He;s fully healthy now and the doctors gave him the all clear and discharged him but hes been talking on the phone like hes not coming back oor something. I don't know, its really confusing. I'm gonna find out tomorrow though cause a bunch of us are going to visit him tomorrow. I am so grateful for him pulling me like that too, cause I could have come out a lot worse then I did. After all, I just have some large scrapes on my lower face, knee and elbows. Oh and my left front tooth got chipped in half, left an exposed nerve and was pushed up into my gums a bit. It's no big deal though, cause I've got a dentist appointment this Friday and its a preliminary check up to decide what to do next and to get x-rays and all. What I've been told is that I am going to end up getting this one pulled and get an implant put in.
I actually don't care about how I look at the moment though . I still hold my head high when I'm in public and still smile just as much, which as we all know is pretty much all the time. After the accident I've felt a lot more open and even more willing to be me, and i was pretty willing before. And if my friends can believe it, I'm even louder and can voice my beliefs and views on subjects with even more gusto and with out backing down. The accident has shown me how much I can endure and deal with real emergencies. Also, theres the fact that I have survived such an accident with my full mental mind and even with my cuts and tooth that I can still function and take care of myself. I havent let anyone baby me. I've made my own food, called all the dentists in the area myself, even started classes again on Monday and got all of my homework done for them. The only classes I can't do anything in is my art classes because I don't have my glasses and am blind as a bat. My glasses should be coming in the email as soon as possible though, I'm just waiting on the company. But its really shown me that I can survive and that when it comes down to it, you have to live life to it's fullest cause you really DON'T know when it's going to end.
Now I can not say that I did not get any help though because I did. When they took me from the accident they shipped me to Strong Memorial Hospital in Rochester. Now I don't have any family in the area. So I was actually fucked when they discharged me. Luckily though I called my noe ex-boyfriend and he came and got me, and brought a change of clothes, cause they cut all of my clothes off when I was on the stretcher. And I mean ALL of them. So he brought me some of his clothes that actually fit nicely, though I needed a belt for his pants cause they were a bit loose. Also, my parents arrived at my dorm teh next day and my mom brought me some food to heat up and eat that easy to cut up and with what with my broken tooth and some milkshake stuff thats easy to eat and all. Other than that though I've had to do everything myself. I wouldn't even let Garry do normal things for me let alone cook or anything for me, which really frustrated him no end. But yeah, i feel stronger and much more confident since the accident.
Now the whole Gary thing. As some of you know I really enjoyed being with him. For the first while. And he really is a sweet guy. And I do love him in a way. he thing is though he really needs more time. You see, if I haven't explained already, his last girlfriend was his first girlfriend. Thats no big deal for me, but he was really attached to her. They went out for 14 months. And she dumped him on the day of the prom. So He's still in love with her and was mentioning her all the time. I know that he's got a lot to work through, but it was over four months ago and he still could barely stop talking about her. And he was so clingy! He was always hanging on me, laying on me and leaning on me and always had to walk with his arm around me and I could never do anything when he was around cause I couldn't move!!!!! At first it was flattering and cute but then it got annoying really fast. I mean that's called smothering. But he is a sweety and treated me very well and was there when I needed him. Thats why I did it in a really nice way and made it sound like I was the one who needed time to figure things out and work on some issues. I mean, yeah I do have a few to work on when it comes to new relationships, but they are really minor and more like some little mental tweaks I need to do. But yeah, we are still friends and we have a lot of mutual friends so we are gonna end up in the same room again which I have no big deal with. It's just a relationship that didn't really work out, and it's not like I did anything with him that I regret if ya know what I mean. And I do think that I need some time alone rite now. I mean three guys in a month and a half. Even I think, Damn thats crazy. But what happens happens ya know.
I would like to take the time rite now though to thank everyone back home that has had me in there thoughts this past week. I want you all to know that you are all alway sin my heart and I will never forget about you all no matter what happens to me here and no matter who I meet there is no replacement for any of you. So thank you all, I hope to see all of you when I come back for Thanksgiving vacation and I really do miss you all. thank you and goodnight.

Yeah, I like guys, but wow.....

2007-10-14T14:45:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that it has only been a month and two weeks that I've been in college. So much has happened. One of my friends came to visit me while he was high. Thankfully he's a sleepy pot head, so he just crashed and fell asleep in the arm chair. Also, and Cara and the guys will be happy to hear this, I got Ray, Andre and Gary into Lunch Money, the most addictive and sadistic card game out there. After all, you play as five year old girls that are beating the crap out of each other for lunch money. It's not a scary game, it just sounds like it. And Ray goes a bit overboard with it cause hes from Rochester and is like that, but it makes it a lot of fun. So yeah, I've sucked even more people into the chasm that is that game.
Then theres the personal aspects of my life. Now some of you know and some of you don't. I never had a boyfriend in highschool. I had a guy that was as close as possible, but nothing ever happened between the two of us. It's not like I never wanted to date, I mean, it was quite the contrary, I really wanted a boyfriend. I just never got one.
Then came college. The beggining of my second week here, I met Erik. We went out for a week, and he dumped me for the short chunky chick from cab. And on a side note, she refused to go out with him, and so know hes going out with a girl thats got him on a diet. Talk about whipped.
Then there was a bit of a stalker problem from a guy named Tim for a little over a week. This guy that I met wanted to go out with me, and I turned him down. Well, he then decided to try to see me by waiting for me after my night classes ended. At ten o'clock at night...where I have a long walk back to my dorms by myself. There was some other problems too that I'm not going to get into. Luckily that whole thing is done and over with.
Then a little while later, I met Joe. Joe and I lasted three days. I dumped him, just so that you know, because I felt that the whole thing was moving too fast and he thought that I was a different more sex addicted kinda girl. Well, I'm a good girl that don't play around like that, so I cut that off quick.
Now go back to Tuesday. here is where I met Gary. And for those of you that know me, you'll know that my brothers name is Garry. So needless to say that I never say his name. Cause that aspect of it kind of creeps me out, but I'm trying to look past that little flaw in the relationship. I'm not sure how long I can look past it. After all I've gotta say his name sometime. But He's really sweet, and he's my first real one hundred percent real boyfriend. He asked me out Wednesday and I kept him on ice until Friday. That night I took him to my favorite place in the world, FUUL. This wonderful Rock bar on main street thats an hours walk away from my dorms. And we sat on the pool table, his arms around me and we listened to a local band called Rebel Jelly. And it was wonderful. It was my first real date date. And I had so much fun, even on the walk back to my dorm in the wind and cold. He's such a great guy. I'm just not sure how long it's going to last. Cause it would be nice if it lasted for a while, but I'm just not good at long term commitments. And thats what he's looking for, some one to rely on for a long time, and I just can't garentee that. I wish that I could, but I'm in college and 18 and just not ready for a long term commitment of the proportion that he is looking for. So I don't know how long that this is going to last.
I can tell you this though, when we do break up, I'm taking a vacation from men. I mean, four guys in a month and two weeks. Even for me thats like, Damn. four guys. Six weeks. You do the math. Thats insane. I want some time to myself. i want to play the game alone for a while. I do however want to see how this thing with Gary works. The only way it might though is if I can get his name changed to something else. And the way I see it is that as long as something good comes out of this relationship then that means something rite. Although, the only good may be that I can have even more jokes about my dating life, what with going out with a guy with the same name as my brother and that leaves me having to call out my own name if we end up having sex.
But yeah, thats whats up with me. So leave some comments and let me know what you think guys. Cause I think that my life is a little messed up at the moment.

My Friends....

2007-09-27T14:11:00.000-07:00

Now don't get me wrong, I love my friends. They rock and I'll always be there for them. But wow. Some days you just realize what dorks they are. And i mean that in the nicest way possible.
Of coarse my friends have always been of the odd kind. Theres the neo natzi midget Heather. The tall OCD man Larry. My "dances like shes having a seizure" Fiona. Anime junky Alex. Video game cat loving Tyler. My lil' emo Kami. My computer genius with a mullet Lucas. Not to mention countless other people that I could mention that makes up the grab bag that is my friends.
But college my college seems to attract all of the people that are twice as strange as my friends back home. Here there are so many strange people that I love. The best of the bunch are Shane, Ray and Andre. These guys are awesome, I swear.
Shane is just plane insane and loves to tease me and call me a whore just because he knows I'm not. And so you know, if he even thinks that he's hurt my feelings with a comment, he gives me a hug to make me feel better. Problem is though, all of his comments are so freaking funny that I can't get mad at him. It's hard to be mad at someone when your laughing. And you never know what he's going to say either. One minute hes normal, and the next he's going "I am the night!" and running down the hall. I know that it sounds weird, but it's actually kind of cute. Or when we go to Wal-mart and we play frisbee with steering wheel covers.
Then Ray is really awesome. he's loud, says some of the weirdest shit I've ever heard, and has a problem with people that walk up to him smiling and keep smiling for no reason. It's kind of hard to explain. He really does say the strangest things though. Like how he wants his husband to be Jack Skellington (from A Nightmare Before Christmas), and no he's not gay. Oh and the fact that he would love to go back in time to just lay on Edger Allen Poe's bed and watch him write. Nothing sexual, just him, laying in his bed, watching him write. He's a music major though and through my experience, that means he's pretty much the most normal person in the whole department.
Then theres Andre. I can never remember his real name, so I just call him Andre after Andre the Giant. If you saw him, you'd think the same thing. The guy is like 6'4", and stocky and a bit scary to get in a fight with. The funny thing is though, he hates to fight. He's such a pacifist. And guess what his major is? Accounting. The guy can barely fit in an office desk! It's so strange to see a guy that looks like that want to be such a pacifist and an accountant. I mean wow. He's really cool though to be around, and he gets most of my sly on the side jokes that the others don't always catch, so he's automatically in my cool list.
And there are so many other people too. But these are a couple of my main guys. And just to show you what a strange bunch I hang out with, I'll post a video for you of them. And since it should be the dorkiest video I have of them so far, it will have to be "Zombie Shane" just because it makes me laugh when I remember that night. And sorry it's such dark footage, i didn't really have time to go and turn on a light. So have fun watching my awesome dork friend and always remember to fly your freak flag.

Music!

2007-09-22T13:44:00.000-07:00

Oh my god I love college! Theres music majors galore, which means that everywhere I go, someone is playing some kind of instrument. Which I totally love.
Yesterday, there was a farmers market that was held in the front yard of the college. And there was a tent set up where these guys and this girl that I had met before were playing music. And it was such a weird ensemble too. There was a guitarist, a sitar player, a guy with a drum and the girl with a smaller drum. Well, the guy drumming was doing a kind of complicated beat, and I was trying to figure it out myself. Well, as soon as I got it down, the girl looked over and saw me tapping out the beat. As soon as the song was over she literally dragged me up with them, gave me her drum and continued to beat on the other side of the guys larger drum.
And guess what? I wasn't as bad as I thought I would be. And it was so much fun. I loved it. When it was all done and I was walking home I kept tapping out different beats just because I couldn't stop. I want to play again.
And then last night was amazing. Theres this bar about an hours walk away called FUUL (pronounced fuel) whose main attraction is live bands. And I'm not talking country bands like back home, I'm talking rock bands man. There was this one band that was played thats absolutely amazing called The Spaces. the intensity of the main guitarist/vocalist was so intense. He's the kind of person that makes you want to get up and dance. And my god was he good with his guitar. I've never seen first hand someone that was that good at playing guitar.
And there was this one guy that was so hilariouse. The first three songs that they played, the guy stood in the middle of the dance floor and pretty much just...well....vibrated. I didn't think much of it, then all of a sudden, during one of the really heavy rock songs, he just starts to dance. But when I say dance, I mean he moved like he was having a seizure and going into cardiac arrest. It was just amazing. The guy was insane and theres no real way to explain the way this guy danced.
So I'll chat with you all again soon. Love - Mack

2007-09-20T11:08:00.001-07:00

Me and Shane. I needed a picture of me for English and so Shane was willing to help make it a good one. And I think that this is the best picture of myself... should have used this as my senior photo. Now that would have rocked.

Everything Else

2007-09-19T18:14:00.000-07:00

Yeah, so....I don't know. Life is going pretty good. I'm in college. Ive got a low coarse load, so I'm not working my tail off. I have food and a new card for my phone so I can stay in contact with the human race. And not so human race. You don't know some of the people that i hang out with. But I can't knock 'em, cause they all rock.
In fact, a quick story for everyone back home- A friend of mine here, Shane, decided to drop kick a black guy. Now before you think something awful, he asked permission. And it was granted, cause Ray is cool about that sort of thing.
Well, Shane drop kicked him, and in doing so, he fell on his side...On his phone. And I'm telling you that that screen looked cool. So because of this action he can no longer read the screen on his phone. Hence all he can do is answer calls, and make calls. Well, as long as he knows the number. The thing is though, he cant read any text messages. So I've been picking on him about it. And today I sent him about eight texts just to bug him.
I pick on him but he's great. I have a lot of fun with him. Especially when it come to Tai Chi. I have no idea how so many people can not laugh during that class. Our teacher is...well...mildly insane, and yet we are the only two that are laughing. Or trying not to laugh I should say.The only thing that class is teaching me is how to keep a strait face. Thats a good thing to learn though, even if I did have to go in debt with the government to be able to learn this important skill.
But everyone I know here is really great. I'm glad to be out of the house and on my own. Or as on my own as I am rite now. And I'm glad that I'm free.
Although I am looking for a guy rite now. It's not like I want my boyfriend to define my life. It's just that I like the comfort of having a steady guy. I know that Erik was my first actual boyfriend. But I got so used to Larry back in school. It was an odd relationship but I liked having the comfort of a guy being there, steady and willing to be there for me. I just don't have anyone like that here. And I really miss it.

my first kiss, first boyfriend and first breakup in one week- 'cause yeah I'm just that good (the radio edit)

2007-09-15T16:04:00.000-07:00

Okay, so what happened was a bit great and a bit crap. You see, I met this guy, and I wont use his real name, so lets call him Erik. I wont give his last name because I think we all know an Erik, so why make this one specific enough that you, the reader, can not make any kind of connection to what I'm talking about.
Well, Erik was the first guy that I met that I actually wanted to go out with. He was cute, charming, funny and sweet. We had just about everything in common. We were both instantly attracted to each other on first meeting as well. And he was everything you could ever want in a man.
Well, we went out for a week. And during this week, we had a lot of fun. We watched movies together, cuddled, and not to mention he was my first kiss. So that made him special rite there. And, yes, our relationship was a little rushed and fast moving. We met Thursday afternoon and we were a couple by Thursday night. It was just that fast.
Now the thing of it is, he was initiating everything. And I mean everything in the relationship, 'cause I was a novice and didn't really know what to do, ya know? So he was starting everything. Well, and your not gonna believe this, he told me on Wednesday, this last Wednesday, that he wanted to bring the relationship back a few steps because he wasn't so used to things going as fast as they did. Now at first, being the dolt that I am, I thought that he actually meant that he wanted to take things back a bit.
At this point every girl I know is thinking the same thing: "Is Erik gay?"
And ladies, I will tell you rite now - he may be. After all, I only new him for a week, who am I to deny the accusation.
Now if this isn't bad enough, he doesn't tell me how far back he wants to go. So I'm left in the dark waiting fir him to decide. which I hated. So the next day, I meet up with him at the college to talk. Unfortunately, everyone else is there to, so its a bit hard to get to talk to him about it. Well, when we finally have a half a minute alone he tells me that he wants us to just be friends.
Now I may have been naive enough to think that when he said he wanted to take it back a few steps that he actually meant it. But those dreaded words, "why don't we just be friends?" hit home. I new at that moment that he had just dumped me.
Okay, so I was just dumped. I can deal with that. After all, it was only a week. But it was what happened next that Irked me. All of a sudden, this short, chunky, blond chick that he has to bend over at a ninety de-fuckin-gree angle to hug runs up and hugs him. Now thats no big deal, I know a lot of girls that do that to guys that they know and have no kind of actual relationship with. No big deal. But then, with me rite there, she starts to flirt with him and touch him. Now thats one thing, but then he starts flirting back. And he's giving her the same look that he used to give me! And he KNOWS I'm rite there. I was a good two inches from him.
I have one word for you, SLUT. Oh and whore and asshole. So, yeah, three words. slut, whore and asshole. In that order. And I mean Erik, not the girl.
So know I'm desperately on the hunt for a baseball bat. Thats rite - I'm going after his car. I'd take a knife with me and cut the gas line but that sounds a bit drastic. I just want to smash his car, not kill him. Oh, did I say "smash"? I meant demolish. I want it too look like the aftermath of one of those suicide bombers in Iraq.
Theres only one problem with this. And its not the need of a baseball bat cause i have friends who are willing to get me one. In fact I think that they want me do demolish his car more than I do. And Its not the getting in trouble part, 'cause it would be worth it. After all, it is the cheapest form of therapy. But no, the problem is that I cant tell his piece of crap car from all the other piece of crap cars. Its an indescribably plain black car. I've ridden in it like three times. And even after I just got out of it, I could have turned directly around and still not recognized it.
So yeah, I can't find his car to beat the shit out of it. And don't think that I am a very destructive person. In fact I would not normally do that kind of thing. The only reason I have even been pondering the thought is because he was such an asshole about it.
But listen to me, I'm getting all hostile again. And apparently hostile for me means a few broken tail lights. So I think that I had better cool off a bit.
And for every guy out there, please, don't be an Erik. Assholes, no matter how sweet, are still assholes. In fact, they are the ones that are never gonna get laid cause damn he's such an asshole. And a slut. And a whore. Not in that exact order.