ummmm......


Yeah I went walking by the lake.....in a low cut spaghetti strap top.....and I'm only sunburned on the right side of my body........so remember kids, ALWAYS wear sunscreen......even in the winter...just in case.

Life Sucks Ass At Times, And Then A Bass Player Comes Along.....


Oh my god, my life is so exciting that I want to die. That is not sarcasm. My life has too much excitement and too much complication. I feel really, I guess hurt rite now, yes hurt is definetly the word for it at the moment. Andrew is here, and I've known that we've broken up but, I don't know there has still been that little bit of hope in the back of my mind that maybe he would want to stay with me these last few weeks of semester, but what he said kind of hit a nerve and it really does feel finalized now. It wasn't even much, we were joking around, picking on each other, and he did one of those dumb guy things that make him so lovable, and I rolled my eyes and he said, "Hey, YOU dated me." And thats not much, but him putting it in the past term really struck a nerve. Before when that always came out of his mouth it was never a "was", it was an "are", as in present. I hate how much this hurts, the only thing that is going to help me heal from this is that I'm never going to see him after this semester. There was more that he didn't tell me. When he signed those military papers, he signed his life away to them for six years. And they are stationing him in every state but here it seems. So at least if he's not around it makes it easier. Honestly I do better coping when he's not around. It's not when he comes back, it's when he leaves again. It's just really hard to take. I've got to deal though and cowboy up as they say. After all I can't let something like losing someone I love ruin my life. I've got to remember the good times I had with him and just be happy that I had those good times. Tiff, said something to me that really helps me out these days to. She told me about how there's this saying that every person has three great loves in there life. Some people say that it is your mom, dad, and the man you love, while others say that it is the three guys that you fall in love with with all your heart. Well, Andrew was my first great love, and I feel happy that I've been able to feel that love and knowing that I can and will feel that way again, makes me smile, because it doesn't feel like I'm losing love, just waiting until my next comes along.

And that's not even the most grrr part of lately. Now this takes a bit of back story. There is this guy at the college, his name is Adam. Now Ray and Sam don't like him, at all. I don't know why, but they seem to hate him, I'm not clear on why. The thing is, last week, Sam came in all mad about things in her life, and decided that she wanted to take Adam's bag. Ray came in at this time and said yeah, lets take it and put it in the green house. I didn't think that anything was going to come of this, after all the only people that go to the greenhouse are teachers, so I figured that the bag would be found in like an hour, taken to security and all would be well. So I followed a few steps behind them because I wanted to talk to Ray, and so I waited to the doorway of the doorway to the way to the greenhouse because I didn't want to be a part of it. thing is, the security camera, the only one in the building, caught me walking a few steps behind them and so Adam, being a, I guess you could call him a friend, IDK, came to me and asked if I knew anything. I told him what happened and come to find out, Sam stole his PSP out of the bag. Adam asked me if I could go to security and tell them what I knew so that I could #1 clear my name because my face is on the camera and #2 help him out because of what Sam did. And I did, because I don't want to be a part of it, I gave them a written statement about what happened on Friday. Monday, Ray and Sam went in and gave there statements. Now heres the kicker, last night, I'm in my late night art class, and suddenly security came into my class and escorted me down to the security office. Heres the thing, Sam had just come in, handed them the PSP that she stole, and told them that the day before I texted her and told her to come to my room. Allegedly I told her that I was sorry that she was taking the rap and gave her the PSP. Heres the thing, Adam knows that I didn't take it, and the camera shows Sam holding and taking the bag, not me. Adam told me when I told him what I knew that because I told him the truth that he would vouch for me. I called Adam after they let me out of the room and told him of how they were talking about pressing charges on me and they were gonna start finger printing and all of these other things, and he came strait to the college, down to security and told them that if they even tried to press any kind of charges on me that he was going to pull out because they can't charge me with anything involving it with out him there to back them up. So Adam came down and cleared my name thank god but it was still rather upsetting to say the least.

Then theres the fact that I found out who told Sam to pin the whole thing on me. For those of you that know him you are going to be slightly shocked about this, but Ray was the one that told Sam to just pin it on me. A very close friend of mine was in the lounge when they were talking about it, and they never thought that she would come to me with the information. So yeah, someone whom I considered my best friend stabbed me in the back. He told her to do it because i told Adam exactly what happened, and they were mad, so they figured that I could shoulder the whole thing. I'm telling you that it's times like these that you realize who your friends really are. The other thing is to, the girl that gave me that information, was the only other person there when they were talking. She doesn't want to get involved and if Ray finds out that I know that he told Sam to pin it on me, then he would know who told me, and he would try something on her for it, so this means that I have to placate and pretend that I'm still friends with Ray for the last weeks of semester so that he doesn't go after an actual friend of mine. When I was talking and laughing with him today I wanted to stab him. this is going to be hard.

The only things that are cheering me up is the appearently never ending sweetness of Erik. yes thats Erik Strassner, the very same first boyfriend that dumped me after a week at the beginning of last semester. He contacted me a while ago as you all know, and we've been talking via texting and AIM. We finally got to actually talk to each other today for a while. I mentioned last night when all that started that I needed a new set of friends and a boring life. I must say that the boy is good because he replied, "if you want I can give you a boring life". I had forgotten how sweet of a guy he is.

Now before you all tweak, I'm not gonna go out with him ,not rite now. I'm just trying to get over this with Andrew, and I just feel that at the moment, I'm kind of damaged goods. I just need some time to heal. tomorrow hopefully I will be able to sit him down and explain this and tell him that if all the things that he is saying to me is true, then for the moment he can be happy with him just becoming a close friend that I can lean on for support in a time when I really need it, and if I'm better when next semester starts, which I prolly will be, then I will be more then happy to go out with him again. If he wants more then that now though, then it's not going to work out, what he's been saying isn't from his heart, and it proves that he's not worth my time.

It would however be very nice to have a guy here that I can lean on during times like these. Before I had ray, and then I got very reliant on Andrew to lean on. Now, even though Andrew says that he's still here for me this semester if I need him, really won't be because he's only here now maybe once a week, and I can't schedule my disasters to his life. I don't operate that way. And then Ray is no longer someone that I can lean on, not after what he did to me. So Erik would be a good candidate for that. He is sweet, always knows what to say, and honestly, I need someone rite now, someone here at the college, and if he want's to be my rock here, then I can't say no. And after all the people that I've been hanging out with here I know that he can help me meet some people that are not into way crazy illegal stuff and he can give me the boring, non drug life that I need rite now.

Honestly, for the next few weeks and next year at college, I'm gonna lay low. Like really lay low. No more crazy shit, no more anything that I've been doing, I just want a boring non-eventful life rite now. I think that after everything I've gone through, that I do deserve that. Or at least I hope I do.

LMAO!!!!!

Ok ok, I havent been blogging lately because a lot has happened to me recently and it's just been to difficult to deal with. First off is that Andrew and I are breaking up...I guess. You see, Andrew is joining the military, and he told me that he was going to be gone for six months and then back to continue college. He's joining the reserves so that was plausible. What he didn't tell me is that he is going to be coming back for merely three months and then gone for another year. And he has decided that he doesn't want me waiting for him. He says that it's unfair to me and that he doesn't want to see me alone for that long just waiting for him to come back. I wouldn't mind waiting for him though. But yeah, I kind of went a bit...unstable when i found out....so i did some stupid stuff...none of which I'm going to explain cause it's all a bit personal. Those of you that do know are of a chosen few. And it's gonna stay that way hopefully. But yeah, that's what's had me a bit upset as of recently.

Now, what has me laughing my ass off is that I've been technically single since Saturday, and todays Saturday, so that means, that in exactly one week, I have had three guys make it very clear that they want to go out with me. The first is Kaleigh, the guy that did the singing for my little open mic night fiasco. The second is this guy named Richard, a friend of Tiffs. Richard is pretty cool, a gamer and sweet, but I just can't handle dating someone so soon. What really makes me laugh though, is that the third guy, the one I'm talking to online as I type this, is my first boyfriend, or first ex-boyfriend. Yes, the very Erik Strassner that dated me fir a week and then dumped me. My sides hurt from laughing so much.

I don't think that I'm going to be going out with anyone for a while though. After all, I'm just going through this with Andrew, and I have really been hurting just knowing that I may possibly never see him again. My heart just cant take trying to add someone new to it. I've gotten stronger but I'm not that strong, and not that much of a bitch. After everything that happened to, between me and Andrew, I still love the boy, and it's gonna take me a while to get over him and move on. I wish he wasn't joining the military, but the paperworks in and he's gotta leave. Thats what happens when you become a dog of the military.

What Happened Last Week

Ok I meant to tell you all what happened last week but things just seemed to pile up and it just didn't happen, so thats my bad. What happened was that, that morning, I ended up up until four in the morning with a friend of mine, Kat playing guitar. Now that's no big deal, but at about two in the morning we decided that we should play a song that night, at open mi night. Now we each know a repertoire of different songs on the guitar, so we had to decide what to play. We decided in the end to play, Suicide is Painless. For those of you that don't know, that is the theme song to the popular television show, M*A*S*H*. Now we each got it set up, because she already knew the song, she played the main part and we switched off so that I did the chorus. Then, at 2pm we got Kaleigh, this guy that we know, to do the vocals for the song. Now, when we were practicing for that hour, he sounded amazing, Kat was perfect, and i was making minimal mess ups. When we got on stage however, Kaleigh sounded like a karaoke singer and Kat was messing up horribly. I was messing up to but that goes unsaid because we all knew that I was. We did horribly. But the amazing thing is, I loved it so much!! We didn't get booed off stage, in fact when the first chorus came up, people were singing along, and we had them laughing most of it. If you can, like if it will fully load so you can see the full thing, you an go to my myspace, www.myspace.com/iheartblackpeoplekolaid and you can watch it. I'm sorry for the shoddy camera work though, it wasn't me taking the video. I have another version of it from another camera and im gona try and put that up instead cause mine doesn't like to play half the time. I had fun though, and I think that as long as I actually practice before the next one, then I'm going to go up again.

Fun With Shirts

OMG so I definetly did some arts and crafts with my shirts. it was from this thing that I found on YouTube, from Kat Von D. I love Kat Von D. by the way. But I have to go and soon I'll post the shirts!