My Hamster!!!

This little fuzzy one is my hamster. The picture is a bit fuzzy but I think she's cute in it all the same. Everyone I know has there own name for the little bugger, and I have a list on the right of some of the names already given to her. You may be wondering why some of the names are boys names if the hamster is a girl. Well the answer to that is that she is a dike. You see, she has this thing where she will climb on to the bars and spin herself around using only her arms. And I'm telling you, she has very good upper bottom strength. Then, while Andrew and I were first watching this spectacle, he turns to me and says, "Out of curiosity, was she the hamster sitting in the corner of the cage alone that no one played with and seemed to be alone?" "um", I replied, "How did you know?". His reply, "Yeah she's a dike. Boy do you know how to pick 'em." So yeah, out of all the hamsters at the store, I picked the only dike one. But I love her all the same. She is a wonderful hamster, who loves to be picked up and never bites, and eats cheerios so that it looks like she's eating a little donut. I have to go though. It was a long night and I have many obligations to fulfill by morning. Have a wonderful night all.

Zelda, a Rodent, and a Lot of Heart Break

Yeah, I may not be posting as much in the next two months. lot of good has been going on, and as you can guess a little bit if bad. I want to tell you the bad first , just to get it out if the way. Umm, I got some news yesterday, and it's that Andrews not going to be here next semester. During the summer he's going to be in basic training, and during the next semester he's going to be in another state, in flight school for the military. We have both kind of been putting the talk off since he told me, you know the talk about what we are going o decide to do, mostly because we want to have as much time with each other as possible without it possibly being tainted while we can. I've only got my guy for the next, oh, 7 and a 1/2 weeks. which sucks ass. Royally. This is the first time that I've fully opened myself to a guy, the first time I've gotten attached to a boyfriend. When I dropped the others, I felt happy, free and was great minutes later. And now I know that I'm going to lose him. I hate it. the only way that I can describe how this feels is to parallel it to the reaper coming to you and telling you the day and minute that your going to die. Okay maybe thats a bit melodramatic to some people but thats the only way that I know how to describe how this feels. I'm honestly heartbroken over this. And I kind of wanted to tell you all this so that when I get home, a lot of you don't go asking me about my boyfriend and what's going to happen. In fact, if possible, please, i beg you, when I get home, please don't mention him. If I want to talk about him, I will start it, but I'm afraid that I'm going to be incredibly emotional after I get home, for god knows how long, so unless you want tears, please don't mention him.

On another note, Andrew did something totally awesome! He traded his game cube in for an N64! I love that boy I swear! So last night I stayed up with him until about 2am playing the original Zelda. I must say that retro is so in. I love it. And the best part is we are playing it on a big screen plasma tv. Granted, slight over kill in the bit department, but it's still pretty amazing.

Also on an even lighter note, I have a hamster now. She's a cute fuzzy fuck. And everyone can name him what they want to name him, for he is a hamster of many names. I have elected to name him Spud. Joe has named him Miguel. Sam has named him Blue Balloons. And Ray has named him Snatch. So yes, do not ask me his name, for his name is whatever you want it to be. He is very cute and soon I shall post a picture of him for all to see. In fact, please, if you come up with a cool name that you wish to call him, I shall add it to the registry. I promise.

But yeah, I shall post again when possible, but I'm more or less trying to take advantage of the time I have left with Andrew so I'm not going to be doing to much other then homework and being with Andrew. And when I find out what's we decide to do about him leaving, I will let you know. But please, I beg again, when I come home please do not ask me about Andrew. And Al, I know that you read this, cause your awesome that way, please tell tyler for me, because I know that he never gets around to reading my blog. Or Kami, cause your awesome to, just someone let him know.

Let me tell you -

The one thing that you should never text your girlfriend - "I need to talk to you Monday"

Especially when it's his reply to you asking what days he can stay over this week.



And especially don't not give an small explanation to what you mean. Any explanation would do, "I won the lottery", "all my finger fell off I can only talk now", "It's okay love I just have herpes", or even "I'm dumping you" just so that you get a bit of insight into the next day.

God guys suck sometimes.

Happy Now!!!!!

Yeah, Andrew was able to get here on Saturday morning. So yes, I feel a lot better. I did ever since he got here. I swear I love that boy. But yeah, The weekend has been pretty great so far. Andrew, Ray, and I went to atomic bowling and had a lot of fun. Boy do I have stories from that night! Like for one is just the walk there. It's past the wal-mart, and I'm telling you, we took all the shortcuts through all the snow and it was freezing. I almost had hypothermia again, I swear it. Or at least it felt like it. But I don't know, I'm not in much of a typing mood rite now. I just need something to actually do and this seemed like it. You see, yesterday was a lot of walking and exercise and fun, and then today it's just been me and Andrew. Now, though we have had a lot of fun together, we haven't really done much. You see, we are both rather poor. So we ended up walking to wal-mart and getting the ingredients for pizza. This meant actual movement and exercise, which I am very glad for. I love relaxing o a movie, but I also love actually going someplace and doing things with him that way. That and exercise relaxes me afterward, it just makes me feel better. But ya know, It's been a very good weekend for me, and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Also, since I havent posted any pictures lately, heres a random photo of me wearing Andrews shoes, since he stole mine to wear to his woodsman's practice. FYI, we wear the same size shoes, mens 11. Sad i know but we also wear the same shirt size. I will talk to all if you later. Love you all and see you soon!!!

Grrrr Arrrgh, Mnnnaaahhh!!!

Grrr. I hate the weather. I'm mad. And I'm also mad because I'm mad because it's a stupid thing to be mad about. Arrrrrgggghhh! ok ok. Andrew is staying the weekend with me, problem is, he's not here. After his woodsman's practice, he had plans with an old friend of his to go out to eat, I guess that they owe him a dinner or something. Now I had no problem with that, we both still have our own lives and I'm not the clingy kind that insists on going along. Thats just not me. Thing is I get a text a few hours ago from loverboy himself and the problem is, they went all the way to victor to eat, and the weathers so bad that she had to drop him off at his house out there because she couldn't make it back out here. So yeah, I'm mad because I really want to be with him tonight. I mean, I got to see him a total of like 20 minutes today because I have no classes and was up till 5:30am last night, and so I slept in till about 11:00am, went to the college to get him cause he brought me food (ain't he sweet?) and we had to put it away, cause eggs break and get all messy. So we got to my place and put everything away, talked for about five minutes, then he went back to the college while I took a shower. I gpt at the college at about 1:45pm, problem is, he has woodsman's practice at 2:00pm and then directly after he was leaving. for his dinner. Now I thought that I was gonna get to see him tonight, so it was no big deal that I wasn't with him today. And now because of the weather....Well I'm kind of mad at myself because I would have made more of an effort had I known that tonight wasn't gonna happen. My only consolation is that he's getting a ride here tomorrow, so we should have the rest of the weekend with him, And we are going bowling tomorrow night so theres that to. Oh I got to see a hypnotist today to. It was a free show at the college suits. It was really cool. I'll talk about it some other time though, when I'm not in such a bad mood. I hate though that not being able to be with him makes me so mad. I never let people make me that mad just because they are not here, let alone to let a guy affect me that way. sigh, I just want him to be here. That week I go home is gonna suck cause I'm g0nna miss him so much. It's already gotten so that it's hard for me to fall asleep and stay asleep when he's not here. It takes me like an extra hour to sleep when he's not there. And when he's not here I have a problem with my physical safety to. My problem is that ever since the accident, I have a problem with falling. Like when I start to fall, I flash back on the accident, all the visuals. It's not a good thing. Well, when he stays over, he sleeps on the outside so I don't worry about falling off the bed. And of coarse I always fall asleep leaning on him with his arms around me. Thing is, when he's not there, next to me, no matter how close to the wall I fall asleep at, I end up close to the edge, like so close that I wake up 2 to 3 times a night because I catch myself as I start to fall off the bed. And the flashes are always worse when I wake up because I'm falling off of my bed. So yeah, I feel a lot more safe when he's there to say the least. Plus I just love being with him. Haha it makes me laugh to because I was talking online with heather through my microphone and speakers and all, so I could here her and she could here me, and Andrew's head was like rite next to me. And he was playing Assassins Creed on the X-Box 360 that we barowed from Tiff, and Heather wasn't always paying attention so I'd do my high pitched whistle to get said attention. Well, I kept forgetting that Andrew's head and ear was rite next to me, so he started getting ticked off at me for the whistling, so he started doing what he does and thats to make smart ass comments (sound like anyone you know?? Like me??), and of coarse, Heather could here every word, and continued to say that he was annoying and some other mean things. It was so funny for me cause heather tries to get so mean, and she just doesn't sound mean at all. It's so funny. But yeah. I'm gonna go now. Playing some DDR EX2, and soon some more multi-player Halo 3. But yeah, I think I'm gonna go and try to forget the fact that Andrew may not be here this weekend. But hey, I've got Ray and Tiff and Peter here making me feel better by just not letting me be depressed anymore. So have a goodnight and talk to me later.

Rowr

Ok. So my last post sounded a bit...we'll say depressing. yeah lets go with that. But yeah, things are a lot better. Life is doing better and so are me and Andrew. We talked a bit a few days ago and all is well. And we both realized that we should probably try to communicate things a bit more clearly to each other. Cause both of us love to talk, but we both seem to have a problem with discussing feelings for some reason. I blame my being to much like a guy. But whatever. We are working on it. Oh and I'm not gonna be totally bored this weekend cause Andrew is staying the weekend at my place. I talked him into it because #1 he's quitting his job at Vanity Fair to start work in two weeks at the Chef's Outlet #2 He's probably not gonna go in this weekend cause he is quitting and if he doesn't have to go to work he's not gonna #3 When he decides he's not gonna go he's gonna regret not staying cause he's gonna miss me to much and #4 because there is atomic bowling this Saturday. And he loves bowling. The thing about Atomic bowling is that it is free to us at the college on the specified night, and it's unlimited games from like 10:00 at night to about 3:00 am. And when two games for two people costs twentyone bucks, a free night of bowling is amazing. Especially if your poor. But that should be changing for Andrew soon because the job at Chefs Outlet is $0.75 more an hour then he had before. And thought thats not much more, it's enough to make a difference. So we may get to go out and do a bit more in these days to come. Oh and I'm dropping my biological psycology coarse. I'm struggling so much that it's not even funny. But thankfully they have some minimester coarses and so I signed up today for an interpersonal communication coarse. If I didn't drop that class, then my GPA would go down so much that it's not even funny. So yeah, I was willing to add it, even though this means that I've got a late night class on Monday through Thursday. But hey, still no classes on Friday, so I still get three day weekends. Woohoo to that at least. I don't have any new pictures to add to this post again. thats my bad cause I keep forgetting my camera these days. But I'm gonna start carrying it around again. And tonight I'm gonna play DDR with Tiffy and Ray, so I've got somethin to do after my art class is done. And there's not much else to tell, so I'll talk to you all later. Have fun and live life to the fullest.

It is NOT 9:17 pm!!!!!!!

It is 11:53 at night. I know this because i am still awake. I do not really want to be awake but I am, because it's what I do, and because they are STILL not done with their game. But I'm cool with it because it's not like they are running on only an hour and a half of sleep. Ok, I know, this all sounds really bitter. It kind of is, but as everyone that knows me knows that when I get really tired, depending on what stage of tired that I am on, I get goofy as fuck and end up making weird ass jokes, and then I inevitably hit the sarcastic stage. And during said sarcastic stage I usually end up sounding like a bitch even though I am not meaning to. So really, the above is not me being all grr arrrgh, I'm just a bit sarcastic, but luckily, being in college I have learned how to deal and control this little issue of mine a lot better then I used to. I just wish that I ended up with only an hour and a half of sleep because i was studying or something. Nope. I was up untill 5am with Tiff and Ray in the commons room, playing N64 and talking because I didn't want to be alone. Because if I was alone, I knew that I was going to break down crying, and the people that know me, know that I DON'T cry. God, Heather has been my best friend for something like seven years and she has NEVER seen me cry. We have chatted about this. So because I was around them, there was no way that I could cry because as always, when I am around anyone, I "cowboy up" and keep it all together. Thats just who I am. I was raised to not cry, i was raised to step up, and I was raised in a manner that has royally fucked me up, because honestly, times like this, I think that I should be allowed to cry at. But I just couldn't bring myself to it, not in front of them. I'm to strong and to stupid. The thing is, there was a misunderstanding between Andrew and I by way of texts. And next thing I know, things are being said, and, well, it's a really long story that I would rather not scribe down at this point in time. When I go home I can tell all of you if you like, but I'm not gonna put something this personal here. I'm sorry I just can't. But needless to say, I was very upset. To the point where I couldn't fall asleep until 6am, and somehow awoke at 7:30am, unable to fall back asleep. So I have been on very little sleep. Now so that all of you know, the misunderstanding has been found, brought into the open, and we have decided that we are only going to text when we need to actually convey information back and fourth. And no, the texts that were misunderstood were not of a sexual manner so don't go thinking that. But yeah, we still have to chat about a few things but we are doing much better, which I am so happy for. I don't need a guy to be happy, I know this, but the thing is, I'm so happy when I'm with him, like no matter how shit the rest of my life is, when I'm with him, everything seems to be all rite. When I'm with him, I feel like I'm safe, and that all the shit that likes to pile up is going to get resolved and that I don't need to worry. I just don't want to lose this. I don't want to lose him. The one good thing that came out of this is that when all of the shit hit the fan yesterday, I realized just how much I do love him. Just the thought of losing him pretty much killed me, and it was then that I realized just how much I've come to love him. Of coarse, I realize that this may be my downfall at some point in life. After all, life changes, nothing ever stays the same for to long. But I also realize that I would rather have this life, this happiness, this life rite now, no matter how fleeting, then to never have it at all. It has only been recently that I got that old saying, "that it is better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all" Sappy I know, and no, I haven't lost him yet, and "knock on wood" I wont for a long time, but no matter what happens, I am glad that I feel this way. Although at times like Sunday night, when it pretty mush killed me, I still didn't regret falling in love with him. for some reason, this feeling is just worth it. I love it. And I realize that I sound like some over dramatic, romancing life, looking-through-rose-colored-glasses, prolly-smoked-some-pot, cliched chick rite now - But sadly enough, I mean every word. I am however very tired, and would like to fall asleep if you don't mind, And the boys are evenly matched in this halo round at 21 to 21, so hopefully soon I will be in my bed, asleep, with Andrew next to me, feeling safe and warm, and so dead to the world that you will all be able to hear my snoring. Good night all. Amd remember, if you put to much soap in a dishwasher, you get bubbles all over the kitchen floor. Trust me...I'm not allowed to use the dishwasher anymore.

Thats not a joke

Check one off of my Pushin Up The Daisys list...well actually two....

Ok, so you've heard of the "Bucket List". You know, things you want to accomplish before you kick the bucket? Well, I've got a Daisy list. It;s things I want to do and accomplish before I'm pushin up the daisies. It's kind of a normal list, but with a few of those odd little things added in there to make me me. Well, number one on my bucket list is to ride on one of those mini Zambonis, the kind that they use for cleaning the floor in schools and all. I know, kind of dork, but this is me. And so I was talkin to one of the janitors there, Rick, and I mentioned that it's on my Daisy list, and he was awesome enough to give me a 2 minute course in driving one and let me drive it around the school. And of coarse, Andrew just had to take a picture of me, with all my dork hanging out. Yay me. But yes, i got one thing off of my Daisy List. Actually I realized that night that I got two off of my Daisy list, but the other is a rather personal one, so I'm not gonna go into detail on that one. That night was also the night of the colleges little Mardi Gra thing. I went for the gumbo. As you can see below, Mandi, as well as a lot of other people got into it a bit. And no she's not missing a tooth, she's licking her lips and it looks like she's missing a tooth. No really she is. Whatever.
Also, it's so funny, because Emma has uthese really strong glasses, cause she's pretty much blind. So Andrew tried them on. Now I'm telling you, when I tried them on, it was like I was suddenly in some weird Salvadore Dolly Painting, cause everything looked weird and melting and wow is she blind. Well, Andrew tried them on, and oh my god he looked like his eyes shrunk and a chunk from the side of his head went missing. These glasses are so strong that they are like magnifying glasses - in reverse. So of coarse I had to take a picture and share it with the my friends and the world. Ha ha. I told him that this was for taking pictures of the dork me on the Zamboni machine. Oh man, this night was crazy. I mean crazy. I ended up skipping my art class this night to. It's from 6:30 to 9:30, and I did not want to stay there and draw for that long. So I went to class, handed in the project that was due (i was one of only like two people that got it done already) and said that I was going to grab a cup of coffee and sketch out my next project. Well, I left, and didn't return as was previously thought. Later, at nine thirty, one of the girls that is in my class said that he was a little pissed about me leaving and not coming back. So that means that the project due by the end of next class I'm going to get done this weekend and hand in at the beginning of class, and hopefully he will forgive my little faux pau. I don't really mind missing out though. The whole night really was worth it to me, it was to much fun and was just worth missing my class for. I know that I shouldn't think that way, but hey, once in a while it's okay to skip a class for a mental health day. But hey, I do get my work done and am passing like everything but my biological psychology class. which I'm working extra hard on now to learn cause I have to pass everything. I have to go though because I told Tiff this morning that I would be hanging out with her and it prolly seems to her that I'm trying to blow her off wich is not what it is, I'm just not in a very socializing mood.