5 Guys, 2 Girls, 1 Bottle of Vodka and a Queen

Gas to get to the dorms - $12.00
2 boxes Jello - $1.63
1 bottle of vodka - $15.12
The cost of your best friend making a drunken scene about you and all of your personal stuff in front of all of your friends? - priceless

Yeah, I went to a friends apartment upstairs and they were all drinking and having a good time. Well, I have just started my grammatical manifestation, so I had to take some Midol for my stomach cramps which meant that I couldn't drink any alcohol. This is me doing the responsible thing. So I had the privilege of being one of the few sober people around the fully trashed people. This meant that I got to here all of this drunken banter and be able to write it all down to keep. these are my favorites:

Ray - Jesus died

Cory - in February
Ray - Jesus died in February? I thought I died in October?

Ray TO Josh - I made sexual advantagages to you... and I love you!

Ray TO Mat after mat agreed to making him ramen noodles - Your a hot and sexy squirrel on Mars!!

Cory - I wanna Punch a bear! How would that make you feel? I'd feel like the Billy bad ass

of the Forest!!! (This one is my favorite)

Now all of you should know as well that I do not drink alcohol that much as it is; when I do it just enough to get me tipsy, I know my limit and I do not go past that. All I like is the occasional, and I'm talking like every 5 weeks or so, time when i need to wind down and just get a tiny bit loose. But I only do it when I have a few close friends that I trust with me. I especially refuse to get drunk in that kind of setting that I was in last night though. Even though I knew everyone that was there, I would be afraid of making myself out a fool like Ray did last night.
Last night, ray took five shots of 80 proof vodka and two vodka Jello shots. Then he talked Mat into one more shot of vodka. Ray, who is a big guy, was pretty drunk. Ray started making a whole scene about me and all of my shit and past choices and everything. All of which was stuff that no one else was supposed to know about and was really embarrassing to have him yell about drunkenly. What was more embarrassing was when I couldn't calm Ray down and get him to stop yelling at me, Josh had to step in and get him to stop and talk him down. It was so awful because it was all of this personal shit and then Josh felt that he had to get in there and calm him down before he said more shit about me. I was not the only one there that was sober. Sam, Josh, and Mat were sober and Joe had already sobered up by this point in the night. So everyone had to hear all of my personal business like that . And what made me so mad was when it was 2:30 in the morning, I'm dog tired from taking care of two really drunk people. one of whom cut himself whittling, and then to have Ray screaming all of my personal shit, I ended up leaning back on Mat because I was so tired and so overwhelmed. What I'm mad about is that when Ray saw this he screamed, "Oh and now your gonna Fuck him to! Thats just great!" and then continued on that. This made me so mad because Mats a close friend of mine and Ray just seemed to be saying everything that he knew could get me as upset as possible. God I just wanted to cry at the crescendo just because I was so tired and exhausted and ray just kept yelling and screaming about me.
I hated the end of the night with ray but I'm glad that I was there to witness that. It really solidified the fact that I never want to get drunk. That I'm fine with being mildly tipsy and that dunk is a level that I never want to achieve. You say things that you never want to say, you make an ass of yourself, its easier to get hurt and to hurt other people, and it just changes you, and not always for the better. And this is something that I don't want to be a part of.

On a Lighter Note

So that all of you know rite now, I am breaking it off with Caleb as soon as i see him. I just cant do this anymore. What we have is not something that I'm looking for. Probably because theres not much there at all and I'm just not that kind of girl. I guess that I needed to go through it a bit to realize that though. You see, I do learn, I just need to experience some things for myself first at times, even if it ends in a bit of heartache and frustration, its still a learning point, and I still found out more about who I am in the long run.
Oh also, when I go home, my tooth will be fixed!!! My last appointment is on the 18th and then I'll be going home on the 21st. So yeah, I won't have a gapped tooth smile anymore.
Also, I wrote this amazing essay for my English class. We had to do a research paper on a topic of our choice. The teacher is amazing, Sandy, I swear I love her. She reminds me of an erect, more stable, non chain smoking Miss Gilray. Like Miss G, she is addicted to her coffee so there is that. But I figured that I would post my essay because it really is the best one that I have ever written and I actually like it. (and see Heather, I am writing essays, even though I normally hate them)

We should be dead, and we know it

I woke up in the parking lot, on the black top. I got up on my elbows and saw the blurry forms of my glasses and cell phone in front of me. They found there way into my left hand, and I sat up. The surrounding cars were dark, blurry, and empty. There was no one in the parking lot or surrounding area.
Something trickled down my neck. My hand moved to my face, and returned covered in blood. Even with this sight, the implications did not register in my mind. I did not panic, in fact I didn’t think much of it. Even though I skidded forward a couple of feet on pavement I couldn’t feel any pain.
I was sitting there for a minute or two when I remembered what happened and who I was with. I turned completely around and saw him laying on the ground. I stood and walked the few feet to His body. Kneeling at His side, the only visible sign that he was alive was His chest slowly moving up and down. He was unconscious.
My cell phone has no minutes on it, so I couldn’t call 911. The thought to reach into His pockets and look for His phone didn’t enter my mind. It wouldn’t have helped anyways because they did not find His phone until after the accident. It had skidded a few feet away from him on impact with the ground. The surrounding area was still deserted, yet all I could do was scream for help. After all I wasn’t going to leave His side. So I
screamed and pleaded for someone to come, as loud as I could. Soon, an older couple came out of the back door to the building closest and walked the distance to us. When the
women took in the scene she went into a state of shock. She sat down on the dark ground about two feet away from us, silent and staring. The man with her said that he was going to go and find help, then ran to the front of the building. The women silently watched us the entire time, never moving from her corner of the concrete.
Soon after the man came back with a security guard in toe. I had known this guard since the beginning of the semester, he works in my dorms but his name still escapes me. The guard informed me that he was trained as an EMT, and continued to position His head on the ground to keep it from being damaged any further. Before he could radio out for help, one of my roommates stumbled upon the scene. She had decided that she had to take a midnight trip to Wal-Mart and just happened to stumble upon us at the right time. She pulled out her cell phone and called 911 for medical help.
While my roommate was on the phone, He started to awaken a bit. Every time He would start to come out of the fog he would try to stand up. Because there was no one else there yet, and the guard had to keep his head held in position, I had to be the one to keep pushing him down. It was now that I felt that one of my teeth had been broken in half, but I still felt no pain because “The adrenalin created by an abrupt blast of stress sends a flood of oxygen-rich red blood cells through your body, boosts your immune system, and signals your brain to start releasing painkilling endorphins” (Tust).
The time that it took for the ambulance and police to arrive is lost on me. I was told afterward that it took about half an hour after the call, but it felt like ten minutes to
me. When the EMTs arrived, they loaded Him onto a stretcher, and loaded him into an ambulance. Next they made me lay down on the ground and put a neck brace on me. Then they put me on a bored which they used to transfer me to the stretcher and loaded me into a separate ambulance.
When the doors were shut I was introduced to my two personal emergency medical technicians. One was a middle aged man, the other a young blonde women. They told me what they were doing at every step so that if I had questions or concerns I could voice them. They told me when they attempted to put the IV in my arm all three times and when they finally achieved there goal. They also inform me when they cut up the legs of my jeans and down my shirt so that they could safely look for injuries that they thought couldn’t wait for the hospital. Luckily there are none. My entire body however is shaking uncontrollably, which happens “if body temperature drops below 90 F” (Hypothermia and…). I asked my technicians and they informed me that even though it was a mild night, that and I was wearing a hoodie, that the stress and adrenalin levels made it possible for hypothermia to set in to my body. “Hypothermia is when the body gets cold and loses heat faster than the body can make it” (Hypothermia and…). They put blankets over me to help get me warmer, but the shaking continued. What kept me going was asking more and more questions throughout the rest of the trip and learning what I could about the many tests and things that they were doing to me.
When we arrived at the hospital, they pulled me from the ambulance and wheeled me into an emergency room. Five or six male doctors massed over me. They took of my blankets and cut and removed what was left of my jeans and shirt. They then continued to
slice and remove my bra and underwear. I was still strapped to the stretcher so there was nothing that I could do about it even if I did have the energy. Thus began the poking and prodding by every doctor there to make sure that there were no more injuries then what could be visibly seen. When they were done with their questions about whether I had any allergies and my medical history, and everyone had done there job as of yet, they left me in the room to do there own work.
I was alone sans one male nurse who had been charged with the job of cleaning the wounds on my face. It was when he was swabbing at the bloody area at my chin that the pain started to kick in. Within ten minutes of when he started, all of the pain hit me like a wave. It was now than I could feel all the scrapes on my chin and lower lip, the skinned knees and elbows and the pain of the exposed nerve in my broken tooth. And on he cleaned, bringing feeling and pain with each movement of the cloth. Soon I was in agony and unable to move because I was still strapped to the stretcher, yet I didn’t fight the straps or moan in pain. I merely focused on ignoring the pain by asking him questions about himself and his job, where se was from and how long he’d been doing his job, while wincing at every movement he made on my face.
When he was done I was left alone in the room for a long time. The time is not something that stuck prominently in my mind because I could never move my body to see a clock. I was still strapped to the stretcher and still had my head in a neck brace, so my movement was limited. When the MRI machine was free, they wheeled me in and placed me on the machines bed for a CT scan. “A computer tomography (CT) scan uses x-rays to make detailed pictures of structures of the body” (Essig). They passed me through it twice
and then a female nurse came to my side. She injected an iodine dye into my IV to “make structures and organs easier to see on the CT pictures.” (Essig). When the dark liquid entered my veins, a metallic taste entered my mouth like someone tossed a buck fifty in pennies in and shut my jaw. Then a warmth began to spread through my body, a wave of warmth that started at my arms to and moved to my legs. At first the warmth was welcoming and nice. Then the temperature began to rise alarmingly fast. It felt as though I was being roasted from the inside. This intense heat lasted for about ten minutes and then began to subside to a dull warmth that was very easy to live with.
Still I’m strapped to the stretcher, unable to move and they leave me in another room to wait. People move around me on there way to other parts of the building. All I could do was lay there and wait for whatever was next. After what felt like a long time a nurse retrieved me for some x-rays. They needed to check my jaw to see how bad the injuries were there, and to see if I had any internal damage in my chest and stomach. Luckily, even through the severity of the accident, I had no internal wounds, just my scraped up face and limbs and missing tooth.
A while after this they took off my neck brace and removed the straps holding me down. After a small fight with the nurses, they then let me slowly get up and move myself into a stationary medical bed. The doctor then entered with a lot of charts and x-rays and told me that I would need some time to recuperate and would have a lot of scars on my face, but that I would be fine. So he discharged me.
I was able to walk out of that hospital, at eight am, with a broken tooth and some minor aches and scrapes. Today I am fully healed with very minor scaring where each of
my scrapes were. My tooth is very close to being fixed, after having two root canals done on the same tooth and am close to getting it capped.
My friend was in the hospital for a week. He has no visible injuries. He was however unconscious for about twenty four hours and was out into a chemical induced coma for six hours. The only injuries that he sustained were a bruised lung, fractured skull and some brain trauma. He is now up and walking, talking, and living like nothing ever happened to him, even though every doctor that saw him told him that he should be fully paralyzed from the impact.
We have both talked about the accident and the events that led to it and the after affects a great deal of times. Both of us have come to our own conclusions about what happened. The most important thing that we agreed on is that we should both be dead.

He's definetly a Scumbag

Ok I'm over the bastard but I still figured that i would inform you all about the latest that I have found out. The latest is the fact that he is one of the biggest liars that I have ever met (he being Leo) like to the point of being a pathological liar.
Leo has some major holes in his stories that do not match up. For one thing theres the story of how he got into legal trouble. I have so far herd 4, count 'em, 1, 2, 3 , 4 different stories by four different people about how he got in major trouble.
1. he told me over voice mail that he was in a bar and a guy tried to stab his brother and so he broke a bottle over the guys head.
2. he told Ray that it was because he got caught doing something that involves the "family business" ( the select few of you that I've told of this know what I'm talking about an dhow bad that is)
3. he told James that it was because he was in a bar and someone was talking shit about his sister so he just broke a bottle over his head.
4. He told Andre that he was walking down the street with friends and that some random guy thought that this guy that he was walking with was a part of a gang, pulled a knife on him, and Leo found some random bottle and smashed it over his head, in the middle of the street..... does any one here how crazy that sounds?
Thats not all. theres also the fact of when he came home. He told Ray that he came home on Wednesday and then he told Andre that he got home on Monday. Thats really fucking fishy to me.
then he's been telling people all of these stories about his little confrontation with Caleb. He told Ray that he took a swing at Caleb, when I know for a fact that he didn't. And he then told Andre that he took Caleb outside, through him against a wall, and continued to cuss him out for sleeping with me. And apparently Caleb (who has about six inches and a good fifty pounds on Leo) was whimpering and pleading and everything. I just can't wait to tell because he's gonna laugh his ass off.
Well, i don't have any more anger about it rite now, in fact that fuse has just been blown because of something that I just read on a friends my space. I've got to go actually. Ill talk to you all again soon.

Two Guys, a Text and One Very Pissed Off Chick

OK, so everyone knows that I was going out with Leo. This is a was because he was treating me like crap in more than one way. And the thing about me is, I refuse to be stuck in a relationship that I'm unhappy in. I refuse to be like one of those women on the lifetime channel who just deals with the crap boyfriend by saying, "but he love me" over and aver like a mantra from hell. Thats, just not me, I'm too strong for that. I took gravel to the face and won, I mean come on. Thats why only a few close friends here at the college knew about the way that he was treating me. I didn't want to worry anyone back home about ALL the details. Especially a certain friend of mine who would be overly worried and upset about the kind of guy that I had ended up with. What can I say though, I have had a knack for attracting the wrong sort of guys. Now normally I wouldn't let everyone know how he was treating me over a blog like this but the only way that I can tell you the rest of the story is to include this. The thing about Leo was that he was pushing me into sex each time. He would push and harass me until I just gave in and said fine. I never really wanted to and I have no idea why I actually was weak enough to give in each time. He had this way of knowing just what buttons to push (and I don't mean sexually). Also he started treating me like a fuck buddy, and he had a knack for saying things that could be pretty hurtful at times. So yeah he was not worth it.
The thing of it is, I wanted to break up with him before thanksgiving break because I was going home and I wanted it done and over with. The thing is he suddenly left for NYC for thanksgiving and didn't even tell me. I had to find out through a friend. So that plan was dashed. Then I thought that I could tell him when I got back to college. But he wasn't there. And a few days later I found out through another friend (because as you can guess the bastard hasn't sent word to me in the past two weeks about anything, let alone where he is) that he was going to be gone for another week. Now I've been sitting on the way that he treated me for the past two weeks and it seems like the more I though about it, the more I hated him for the way that he's been treating me.
Well, this is where the plot kind of thickens. Theres this guy that I know here named Caleb. We've met and chatted and all a few times and he's this really nice guy. He's very "blue collar", very respectful towards women, nice, funny and an all around nice guy. Well, I was mad the other day about Leo, and was sitting in the lounge and Ray left and it was just me, Caleb and a couple other random people that I know. I was sitting on the couch next to his couch. Well, he looked over at me and was like "come hither" and patted the seat next to him. I laughed because I thought he was joking, but then he said it again and so I did. I mean I trust the guy a lot more then I trust a few of my exes. Well, we chat for a few minutes and he ends up looking over at me and asks, "do you want to go somewhere and,you know, get to know each other a bit more?" Now I got it rite away by the way he said it but he also made it sound like a joke at the same time. And so I just laughed. And then he looked at me and said something like, "you think I'm joking" and I just looked at him. And then everything rushed into my head, all the crap ways that Leo treated me. But especially the times that he pushed me into sex and how I didn't want to, I just gave in each time after he pushed for so long. And I though about how in this situation I had a choice. He wasn't saying, come on we're gonna have sex now, he was asking me. I had the rite to say yes or no. No, i had the power to say yes or no. The situation was in my hands. So I said yes. And I cheated on Leo. And I want everyone to know that I know that what I did was not exactly high up on the ethical charts. I know this and I knew this when I made the decision. I am not the kind of girl that normally does this kind of thing. I just felt that it was something that I had to do. Fir me it wasn't about what we did, it was about the fact that I had the power to stop it, i had the power to keep it going, and I had to prove to myself that things could be and from now on would be done on my terms, and if I wasn't comfortable with the terms, then I was going to stop it and hold fast to my decisions.
The thing is I was still very mad at Leo. For all I knew he could be dead in NYC and he hadn't even tried to contact me in any way shape or form for two weeks. And that anger kind of crescendoed yesterday when I was in Rochester with Ray and Andre. I told them about the way that Leo was treating me a few days into vacation. And they were pissed off at the way that he was treating me too ( of coarse they were also a bit mad at me for not telling them sooner cause Ray said that he wanted to kill him for that). Well, we were talking about it in the mall and I was just so sick of talking about breaking up with him that I just wanted to get it done and over with. Well, Ray said, "why don't you just do it over text?" His reasoning was that after the way he treated me, Leo could use a dose of his own medicine. And why should I try and do the rite thing by him in that aspect when Leo couldn't respect me at all? And you know what? Being mad, fed up with him, and in a general bad mood about the subject, I decided to do it. The following words are the exact text that I sent him and I'm sorry for the explicit language and sheer lack of subtlety - "Hate 2 do this over the phone but u treated me like crap u havnt even tried 2 call me since youve been gone im sick of it oh and im fucking Caleb (click)" . That is the exact message I sent him, including the click. I realize now that I have a bad tendency of shooting my mouth off when I'm really angry and that that probably wasn't the best way to send that text. My bad, but my reasoning was that he's prolly going to be in NYC for a few days where he can cool off about the whole thing before he gets gets back. Well, we ended up texting back and forth over the next hour and a half to two hours, upon which he apologized for the not calling but completely overlooked the pushing me into sex part and how he treated me the rest of the way. So that got me thinking asshole rite there. He then says that because I cheated that means that he did nothing wrong. Yes because we all know that partial rape is negated when you cheat. You have to love a guys reasoning.
Well we had been texting and on the way back to canandagua and he said a lot of stupid crap, but then when I said that i wanted him to get his crap put of my dorm as soon as gets back home he suddenly says "I'm coming over now" Well that confuses me because last I heard he was in NYC, 8 hours away. Come to find out, he's been in Canandagua for the past three days and never thought to tell me. Come to find out he smashed a bottle over some guys head at a bar and is now in legal trouble and is going to be put on probation. Wow, great guy huh? I sure know how to pick 'em don't I? Well, I'm in a car and not home so I tell him that I'll text him when I get home. I arrive home and not a minute after we arrive Ray gets a text on his phone from Caleb that says that Leos at the lounge threatening to kill him. Ray and I then rushed over so that I could give him his small amount of stuff tere, so Ray could either stop or get into the fight that the two could get into, and to make sure that if there is a scene we can see it. And Caleb being the great guy that he is says it's incredibly funny. Thats because it really is, Caleb has a good 6 inches on Leo and is visibly in enough shape to throw some good punches and hold his own in a fight with little effort. I found out after that Leo asked everyone at the lounge if they knew who Caleb was, and Caleb raised his hand, not knowing the full story. Leo looked at him and pretty much deflated. Then he pulled out a cigarette, asked if he smoked, and when Caleb stood up to go and smoke with him, Leo went "wow your tall" and deflated a bit more. Caleb found the entire scene worth it and was laughing about it for quite a while, I was too when I heard the whole thing.
Now because we got there and there was no fight, ray was a little disappointed and he ended up walking with Leo to his place because Leo wanted someone to talk to and Ray was willing to set his anger for him aside to find out what the situation was going to look like, like if it looked like he was going to get violent towards me or if I would have to be careful when I was alone and all. And when he got back and we could talk he said that Leo was actually kind of cool about the whole thing, he was mad at me, but he was more mad at Caleb. Then, last night I get a text from him that just says - die in hell. i was tempted to text back - how about i die and then go to hell, it makes more sense that way, but Ray said this would start a whole new can of worms and so I refrained from that. But at least he is taking it all well.
The thing was to that I actually felt bad about cheating on him like that. I do have a heart and I'm not just some slut off the street. I knew that what I did wasn't exactly very correct or moral. And then I herd the voice mail that he left me. Yet again he made it out like how he treated me was perfectly fine and normal and just focused in the not calling thing, he called me a bitch, and reiterated the whole, he did nothing wrong because I'm the one that cheated thing, among a few other things that he said. And I can tell you all that after that voice mail I felt no shame in what I had done. The parts of me that felt like I should say sorry to him for cheating was obliterated. And I felt no remorse. In my opinion he got what he deserved for how he treated me. And I can tell you all that when it comes to guys I am doing a sort of screening process first and that at the first hint of someone acting like Leo did towards me i am going to drop his ass so fast he wont know what hit him.I have learned from all of this and will not take the hints lightly next time and am starting to see why some women go lesbian, cause damn, guys can give you a migraine and a half.
I want to say rite now that I'm sorry to anyone that gets upset by all of this because I was less than honest with a few people about the whole relationship. Especially Heather, I'm sorry, I just didn't want to admit that it was something that I could not be as strong as I should have been with. i was a little ashamed about the fact that I didn't end it sooner even though he was treating me like that. I'm really sorry you had to here all of this like that. And I'm telling you now that during Christmas break, were gonna get together somewhere secluded and alone, and you can seriously scream and yell and get everything off your chest about me and I wont get mad about anything that you say because I probably deserve every bit of it. It's not fair to you that you are bottling these things inside and I probably need to hear them anyways so we really do need to do that. Please call me sometime heather.


* a few more of the text sequences that you all may get a kick out of-
Leo: Well thanks for cheating in me iv ben fighting in court
Me: Your Welcome

Me: u never tried 2 contact me in the past 2 weeks you would push me into sex and you started to treat me like a fuck buddy instead of a girlfriend
Leo: Ur kiding? U told me u had no minutes
(he never said anything about any other ways that he treated me, he only refuted the not calling part the entire time. talk about an SOB.)

For All Who Don't Already Know

For this if you back home I will be coming back for Thanksgiving. I will be arriving sometime late this Tuesday and will be leaving very early that Sunday. Can't wait to see everyone again. Love ya'll and see you soon, i have many stories to tell and laughs to share.

Another Recap

Hello. I'm actually writing this in the laundry room. Doing the laundry here is awful. It really is, and I don't say that because I don't like laundry or something, cause thats not the problem. The problem is that it costs a dollar twenty five a load. And the dryers are a bit crap cause you have to do the dryer twice to get your clothes dry. I can deal though it's just annoying because its expensive and takes a lot of time out of my day.
I have another dentist appointment tomorrow. I have no idea what it is that they are doing to me now. Unfortunately though my tooth is still not capped so I still have this cute gapped tooth smile. Andre has been so great to because he's driven me to my last two dentist appointments and hes driving me to this one as well. I'm so glad that I have found such good friends here though. No one back home needs to worry about me just because I have such good friends taking care of me up here, making sure that I don't get into trouble or over my head or hurt or anything.
I haven't been able to see Leo since Monday though and probably wont for a couple more days. He's gone to Fairport each day since to be with a friend of his that he hasn't seen in a few years. I think he thinks that I'm mad at him for it though. I will admit though that I was a bit mad at him when I first found out though. You see, my cell phone is out of minutes, completely (it's a track phone, so its a piece of shit) so he knew that he couldn't call me directly. i knew though that he knew that he could call any one of my friends, whos numbers he has, to relay a message to me about it. So I was calling him that day and he never answered his phone, and then later that night, at like 9:30pm to be exact, during my art class, I borrowed some girls phone to try and call him one more time with. He answered, luckily, and there was a lot of noise in the background, and he told me he was gone and that he was gonna be gone for about a week and that he had to go. So yeah at first I was mad because it was like he hadn't even tried to get a hold of me to let me know at all. I don't have a problem with him leaving for a week, I just wanted him to let me know, ya know? Well, I was a bit mad, and i get to my apartment, and about five minutes after I sit at my computer Ray comes knocking at the door, and ten minutes later comes James and Amanda Knocking. The first thing that James says is, "Leo called me at Three and told me to tell you that he's...." You know the rest. So because he tried to tell me, I'm not mad anymore. I talked to him about half an hour ago on Amanda's phone for a few minutes and he sounded like he thought that I was mad at him. I tried to sound cheery though so he wouldn't think that I was, but he still sounded like he thought that I was mad. He didn't say anything about it though, just that he would be back soon and that he missed me and all. I guess that I'll have to reassure him that I'm not mad when he gets back, cause we cant seem to talk on the phone for more than five minutes.
Leo still isn't used to how i react to things. I think it's because he's not used to a girl that doesn't take everything so insanely personal. Like all of the girls that I know that found out about it were like, "we should go have some girl talk so that you can feel better" and all. i was like, "look. I'm not mad or anything, He tried to get a hold of me, and so he's gone for a while. I think I can survive." I mean, I lived 18 years without a boyfriend, I think I can wait a week or so to see my boy. But hey, thats just how I am. Like, i don't go chasing after him like a puppy dog, and I'm not calling him all the time to see if hes busy or what he's doing. In fact he always calls me to see if we can hang out or be together or to go out. Also when we are in a group together, especially my group, I don't just say fuck you to everyone in the group and just focus on him and hang off of him like most girls do. No I continue to talk to everyone and am still a part of the conversation. I mean I sit with him and all while we are, but I don't just zone into him like so many other girls do in a group like that.
I'd love to chat more but my laundry is done and I gotta get to my room. I'l write more later. Love ya.

Everything is looking up

This is just a quick summary of whats going on rite now:
Leo and I are still together and happy
I made a bit of money yesterday so I'm not gonna starve this month
Ray and I are still doing great after the accident
I saw the movie across the universe with Ray and it was really cool
my phone is entirely out of minutes for the month so theres no way to contact me, I cant even open a text message
Oh and I haven't had the money for anything so I've been forced to use paper towels for toilet paper, but no worries cause now I can afford a few rolls.
And I have to go to class so I'll write more later

Love ya

Well, my tooth doesnt hurt anymore....

I got my tooth fixed last Tuesday. Well, by fixed I mean that I had a root canal done on it. So theres a huge gaping hole in my tooth, but there is a temporary cap over it. Luckily it doesn't hurt... now. When it came to getting the root canal done however, well, thats another story. Come to find out I have a higher tolerance for nova cane then the normal person. Cause he injected it into my gums twice, and still the effects wore off within twenty minutes. So he started to drill, and my god did that hurt. then, because he realized i was in agony, he injected the nova cane directly into my tooth. then he started to drill without giving it a few minutes to kick in. So he had to inject more in because after a few more seconds of pain i was in agony again. the mans lucky I have a higher tolerance for pain since the accident or I might have killed him or fainted from it. But thankfully It was done and now I can eat without any pain.It is however still broken so this Tuesday I'm gonna get it capped so that it looks like I never got into an accident. Which is true for the most part because My face doesn't look like its going to be scarred at all, and neither are my elbows or knees. The only place I should have any scars are gonna be on my hands. Which I'm perfectly fine with since I am still alive and there could be a lot worse wrong with me.
Now I wasn't originally gonna add this into my post today, but I met another guy yesterday. well, actually we met about three days after the accident. His name is Leo. Leo Ozzo. He's Columbian, and came over with his family when he was nine. He speaks fluent Spanish still, and is more than fluent in English. And I really like him. He's different from the last guys. In fact I cant type any more rite now because i have to get around for our date tonight. Hopefully we are gonna walk to the bar, FUUL, but I have to call and see if they are gonna have live music playing tonight. If not then we are probably going to take a walk to the waterside. They have these wonderful swinging benches there that are nice to sit on and talk. So I have to dress warm either way cause FUUL is an hours walk away, and the lake will be cold and a little windy. So I gotta go. Love yall.

Another One Bites The Dust or Why Not To Go Van Surfing

Tick off another boyfriend. Im up to three that have not made it. First Erik, who dumped me (asshole), then Joe, who I dumped, and now Garry, whom I also dumped. Well, not really dumped, because I was not that harsh to the poor guy, but we talked and decided that it was best that we each take some time alone, whether he wanted our relationship to end or not.
I'm getting ahead of myself a bit though. I guess that the first news should be that of the accident last Wednesday night. To make a long story short, my friend ray wanted out of the dorms, and texted a friend of his who had a car. Well, more like a van. The best way to describe it is it looked like a drug dealer van. It had the foot board and everything. Well, to cut this down to size, Ray and I were on the passenger side, and ray was talking to the driver who was his friend and so I wasnt really paying close attention to there conversation. Then Ray looked at me and said, put your feet up on the foot board and hold onto the top. .Now before you get ahead of me, I figured that Ray and the guy had done this before, you know, like he'd go 1 mile an hour for a few feet then stop and let us off, no big deal. So I stepped up and held on. The guy new that we were on and yet he sped up and took the corner hard. Both of us lost our footing and fell off. I'd be a lot worse off if it wasn't for Ray pulling me as we fell so that I landed on him. He on the other hand had some major head injuries and a punctured lung from when I landed on him. He was in the ICU for a while and he almost died on Thursday. Thankfully he is out of the hospital and at home with his parents. I am however not sure if he is coming back to college or not. He;s fully healthy now and the doctors gave him the all clear and discharged him but hes been talking on the phone like hes not coming back oor something. I don't know, its really confusing. I'm gonna find out tomorrow though cause a bunch of us are going to visit him tomorrow. I am so grateful for him pulling me like that too, cause I could have come out a lot worse then I did. After all, I just have some large scrapes on my lower face, knee and elbows. Oh and my left front tooth got chipped in half, left an exposed nerve and was pushed up into my gums a bit. It's no big deal though, cause I've got a dentist appointment this Friday and its a preliminary check up to decide what to do next and to get x-rays and all. What I've been told is that I am going to end up getting this one pulled and get an implant put in.
I actually don't care about how I look at the moment though . I still hold my head high when I'm in public and still smile just as much, which as we all know is pretty much all the time. After the accident I've felt a lot more open and even more willing to be me, and i was pretty willing before. And if my friends can believe it, I'm even louder and can voice my beliefs and views on subjects with even more gusto and with out backing down. The accident has shown me how much I can endure and deal with real emergencies. Also, theres the fact that I have survived such an accident with my full mental mind and even with my cuts and tooth that I can still function and take care of myself. I havent let anyone baby me. I've made my own food, called all the dentists in the area myself, even started classes again on Monday and got all of my homework done for them. The only classes I can't do anything in is my art classes because I don't have my glasses and am blind as a bat. My glasses should be coming in the email as soon as possible though, I'm just waiting on the company. But its really shown me that I can survive and that when it comes down to it, you have to live life to it's fullest cause you really DON'T know when it's going to end.
Now I can not say that I did not get any help though because I did. When they took me from the accident they shipped me to Strong Memorial Hospital in Rochester. Now I don't have any family in the area. So I was actually fucked when they discharged me. Luckily though I called my noe ex-boyfriend and he came and got me, and brought a change of clothes, cause they cut all of my clothes off when I was on the stretcher. And I mean ALL of them. So he brought me some of his clothes that actually fit nicely, though I needed a belt for his pants cause they were a bit loose. Also, my parents arrived at my dorm teh next day and my mom brought me some food to heat up and eat that easy to cut up and with what with my broken tooth and some milkshake stuff thats easy to eat and all. Other than that though I've had to do everything myself. I wouldn't even let Garry do normal things for me let alone cook or anything for me, which really frustrated him no end. But yeah, i feel stronger and much more confident since the accident.
Now the whole Gary thing. As some of you know I really enjoyed being with him. For the first while. And he really is a sweet guy. And I do love him in a way. he thing is though he really needs more time. You see, if I haven't explained already, his last girlfriend was his first girlfriend. Thats no big deal for me, but he was really attached to her. They went out for 14 months. And she dumped him on the day of the prom. So He's still in love with her and was mentioning her all the time. I know that he's got a lot to work through, but it was over four months ago and he still could barely stop talking about her. And he was so clingy! He was always hanging on me, laying on me and leaning on me and always had to walk with his arm around me and I could never do anything when he was around cause I couldn't move!!!!! At first it was flattering and cute but then it got annoying really fast. I mean that's called smothering. But he is a sweety and treated me very well and was there when I needed him. Thats why I did it in a really nice way and made it sound like I was the one who needed time to figure things out and work on some issues. I mean, yeah I do have a few to work on when it comes to new relationships, but they are really minor and more like some little mental tweaks I need to do. But yeah, we are still friends and we have a lot of mutual friends so we are gonna end up in the same room again which I have no big deal with. It's just a relationship that didn't really work out, and it's not like I did anything with him that I regret if ya know what I mean. And I do think that I need some time alone rite now. I mean three guys in a month and a half. Even I think, Damn thats crazy. But what happens happens ya know.
I would like to take the time rite now though to thank everyone back home that has had me in there thoughts this past week. I want you all to know that you are all alway sin my heart and I will never forget about you all no matter what happens to me here and no matter who I meet there is no replacement for any of you. So thank you all, I hope to see all of you when I come back for Thanksgiving vacation and I really do miss you all. thank you and goodnight.

Yeah, I like guys, but wow.....

I can't believe that it has only been a month and two weeks that I've been in college. So much has happened. One of my friends came to visit me while he was high. Thankfully he's a sleepy pot head, so he just crashed and fell asleep in the arm chair. Also, and Cara and the guys will be happy to hear this, I got Ray, Andre and Gary into Lunch Money, the most addictive and sadistic card game out there. After all, you play as five year old girls that are beating the crap out of each other for lunch money. It's not a scary game, it just sounds like it. And Ray goes a bit overboard with it cause hes from Rochester and is like that, but it makes it a lot of fun. So yeah, I've sucked even more people into the chasm that is that game.
Then theres the personal aspects of my life. Now some of you know and some of you don't. I never had a boyfriend in highschool. I had a guy that was as close as possible, but nothing ever happened between the two of us. It's not like I never wanted to date, I mean, it was quite the contrary, I really wanted a boyfriend. I just never got one.
Then came college. The beggining of my second week here, I met Erik. We went out for a week, and he dumped me for the short chunky chick from cab. And on a side note, she refused to go out with him, and so know hes going out with a girl thats got him on a diet. Talk about whipped.
Then there was a bit of a stalker problem from a guy named Tim for a little over a week. This guy that I met wanted to go out with me, and I turned him down. Well, he then decided to try to see me by waiting for me after my night classes ended. At ten o'clock at night...where I have a long walk back to my dorms by myself. There was some other problems too that I'm not going to get into. Luckily that whole thing is done and over with.
Then a little while later, I met Joe. Joe and I lasted three days. I dumped him, just so that you know, because I felt that the whole thing was moving too fast and he thought that I was a different more sex addicted kinda girl. Well, I'm a good girl that don't play around like that, so I cut that off quick.
Now go back to Tuesday. here is where I met Gary. And for those of you that know me, you'll know that my brothers name is Garry. So needless to say that I never say his name. Cause that aspect of it kind of creeps me out, but I'm trying to look past that little flaw in the relationship. I'm not sure how long I can look past it. After all I've gotta say his name sometime. But He's really sweet, and he's my first real one hundred percent real boyfriend. He asked me out Wednesday and I kept him on ice until Friday. That night I took him to my favorite place in the world, FUUL. This wonderful Rock bar on main street thats an hours walk away from my dorms. And we sat on the pool table, his arms around me and we listened to a local band called Rebel Jelly. And it was wonderful. It was my first real date date. And I had so much fun, even on the walk back to my dorm in the wind and cold. He's such a great guy. I'm just not sure how long it's going to last. Cause it would be nice if it lasted for a while, but I'm just not good at long term commitments. And thats what he's looking for, some one to rely on for a long time, and I just can't garentee that. I wish that I could, but I'm in college and 18 and just not ready for a long term commitment of the proportion that he is looking for. So I don't know how long that this is going to last.
I can tell you this though, when we do break up, I'm taking a vacation from men. I mean, four guys in a month and two weeks. Even for me thats like, Damn. four guys. Six weeks. You do the math. Thats insane. I want some time to myself. i want to play the game alone for a while. I do however want to see how this thing with Gary works. The only way it might though is if I can get his name changed to something else. And the way I see it is that as long as something good comes out of this relationship then that means something rite. Although, the only good may be that I can have even more jokes about my dating life, what with going out with a guy with the same name as my brother and that leaves me having to call out my own name if we end up having sex.
But yeah, thats whats up with me. So leave some comments and let me know what you think guys. Cause I think that my life is a little messed up at the moment.

My Friends....

Now don't get me wrong, I love my friends. They rock and I'll always be there for them. But wow. Some days you just realize what dorks they are. And i mean that in the nicest way possible.
Of coarse my friends have always been of the odd kind. Theres the neo natzi midget Heather. The tall OCD man Larry. My "dances like shes having a seizure" Fiona. Anime junky Alex. Video game cat loving Tyler. My lil' emo Kami. My computer genius with a mullet Lucas. Not to mention countless other people that I could mention that makes up the grab bag that is my friends.
But college my college seems to attract all of the people that are twice as strange as my friends back home. Here there are so many strange people that I love. The best of the bunch are Shane, Ray and Andre. These guys are awesome, I swear.
Shane is just plane insane and loves to tease me and call me a whore just because he knows I'm not. And so you know, if he even thinks that he's hurt my feelings with a comment, he gives me a hug to make me feel better. Problem is though, all of his comments are so freaking funny that I can't get mad at him. It's hard to be mad at someone when your laughing. And you never know what he's going to say either. One minute hes normal, and the next he's going "I am the night!" and running down the hall. I know that it sounds weird, but it's actually kind of cute. Or when we go to Wal-mart and we play frisbee with steering wheel covers.
Then Ray is really awesome. he's loud, says some of the weirdest shit I've ever heard, and has a problem with people that walk up to him smiling and keep smiling for no reason. It's kind of hard to explain. He really does say the strangest things though. Like how he wants his husband to be Jack Skellington (from A Nightmare Before Christmas), and no he's not gay. Oh and the fact that he would love to go back in time to just lay on Edger Allen Poe's bed and watch him write. Nothing sexual, just him, laying in his bed, watching him write. He's a music major though and through my experience, that means he's pretty much the most normal person in the whole department.
Then theres Andre. I can never remember his real name, so I just call him Andre after Andre the Giant. If you saw him, you'd think the same thing. The guy is like 6'4", and stocky and a bit scary to get in a fight with. The funny thing is though, he hates to fight. He's such a pacifist. And guess what his major is? Accounting. The guy can barely fit in an office desk! It's so strange to see a guy that looks like that want to be such a pacifist and an accountant. I mean wow. He's really cool though to be around, and he gets most of my sly on the side jokes that the others don't always catch, so he's automatically in my cool list.
And there are so many other people too. But these are a couple of my main guys. And just to show you what a strange bunch I hang out with, I'll post a video for you of them. And since it should be the dorkiest video I have of them so far, it will have to be "Zombie Shane" just because it makes me laugh when I remember that night. And sorry it's such dark footage, i didn't really have time to go and turn on a light. So have fun watching my awesome dork friend and always remember to fly your freak flag.

Music!

Oh my god I love college! Theres music majors galore, which means that everywhere I go, someone is playing some kind of instrument. Which I totally love.
Yesterday, there was a farmers market that was held in the front yard of the college. And there was a tent set up where these guys and this girl that I had met before were playing music. And it was such a weird ensemble too. There was a guitarist, a sitar player, a guy with a drum and the girl with a smaller drum. Well, the guy drumming was doing a kind of complicated beat, and I was trying to figure it out myself. Well, as soon as I got it down, the girl looked over and saw me tapping out the beat. As soon as the song was over she literally dragged me up with them, gave me her drum and continued to beat on the other side of the guys larger drum.
And guess what? I wasn't as bad as I thought I would be. And it was so much fun. I loved it. When it was all done and I was walking home I kept tapping out different beats just because I couldn't stop. I want to play again.
And then last night was amazing. Theres this bar about an hours walk away called FUUL (pronounced fuel) whose main attraction is live bands. And I'm not talking country bands like back home, I'm talking rock bands man. There was this one band that was played thats absolutely amazing called The Spaces. the intensity of the main guitarist/vocalist was so intense. He's the kind of person that makes you want to get up and dance. And my god was he good with his guitar. I've never seen first hand someone that was that good at playing guitar.
And there was this one guy that was so hilariouse. The first three songs that they played, the guy stood in the middle of the dance floor and pretty much just...well....vibrated. I didn't think much of it, then all of a sudden, during one of the really heavy rock songs, he just starts to dance. But when I say dance, I mean he moved like he was having a seizure and going into cardiac arrest. It was just amazing. The guy was insane and theres no real way to explain the way this guy danced.
So I'll chat with you all again soon. Love - Mack

Me and Shane. I needed a picture of me for English and so Shane was willing to help make it a good one. And I think that this is the best picture of myself... should have used this as my senior photo. Now that would have rocked.

Everything Else

Yeah, so....I don't know. Life is going pretty good. I'm in college. Ive got a low coarse load, so I'm not working my tail off. I have food and a new card for my phone so I can stay in contact with the human race. And not so human race. You don't know some of the people that i hang out with. But I can't knock 'em, cause they all rock.
In fact, a quick story for everyone back home- A friend of mine here, Shane, decided to drop kick a black guy. Now before you think something awful, he asked permission. And it was granted, cause Ray is cool about that sort of thing.
Well, Shane drop kicked him, and in doing so, he fell on his side...On his phone. And I'm telling you that that screen looked cool. So because of this action he can no longer read the screen on his phone. Hence all he can do is answer calls, and make calls. Well, as long as he knows the number. The thing is though, he cant read any text messages. So I've been picking on him about it. And today I sent him about eight texts just to bug him.
I pick on him but he's great. I have a lot of fun with him. Especially when it come to Tai Chi. I have no idea how so many people can not laugh during that class. Our teacher is...well...mildly insane, and yet we are the only two that are laughing. Or trying not to laugh I should say.The only thing that class is teaching me is how to keep a strait face. Thats a good thing to learn though, even if I did have to go in debt with the government to be able to learn this important skill.
But everyone I know here is really great. I'm glad to be out of the house and on my own. Or as on my own as I am rite now. And I'm glad that I'm free.
Although I am looking for a guy rite now. It's not like I want my boyfriend to define my life. It's just that I like the comfort of having a steady guy. I know that Erik was my first actual boyfriend. But I got so used to Larry back in school. It was an odd relationship but I liked having the comfort of a guy being there, steady and willing to be there for me. I just don't have anyone like that here. And I really miss it.

my first kiss, first boyfriend and first breakup in one week- 'cause yeah I'm just that good (the radio edit)

Okay, so what happened was a bit great and a bit crap. You see, I met this guy, and I wont use his real name, so lets call him Erik. I wont give his last name because I think we all know an Erik, so why make this one specific enough that you, the reader, can not make any kind of connection to what I'm talking about.
Well, Erik was the first guy that I met that I actually wanted to go out with. He was cute, charming, funny and sweet. We had just about everything in common. We were both instantly attracted to each other on first meeting as well. And he was everything you could ever want in a man.
Well, we went out for a week. And during this week, we had a lot of fun. We watched movies together, cuddled, and not to mention he was my first kiss. So that made him special rite there. And, yes, our relationship was a little rushed and fast moving. We met Thursday afternoon and we were a couple by Thursday night. It was just that fast.
Now the thing of it is, he was initiating everything. And I mean everything in the relationship, 'cause I was a novice and didn't really know what to do, ya know? So he was starting everything. Well, and your not gonna believe this, he told me on Wednesday, this last Wednesday, that he wanted to bring the relationship back a few steps because he wasn't so used to things going as fast as they did. Now at first, being the dolt that I am, I thought that he actually meant that he wanted to take things back a bit.
At this point every girl I know is thinking the same thing: "Is Erik gay?"
And ladies, I will tell you rite now - he may be. After all, I only new him for a week, who am I to deny the accusation.
Now if this isn't bad enough, he doesn't tell me how far back he wants to go. So I'm left in the dark waiting fir him to decide. which I hated. So the next day, I meet up with him at the college to talk. Unfortunately, everyone else is there to, so its a bit hard to get to talk to him about it. Well, when we finally have a half a minute alone he tells me that he wants us to just be friends.
Now I may have been naive enough to think that when he said he wanted to take it back a few steps that he actually meant it. But those dreaded words, "why don't we just be friends?" hit home. I new at that moment that he had just dumped me.
Okay, so I was just dumped. I can deal with that. After all, it was only a week. But it was what happened next that Irked me. All of a sudden, this short, chunky, blond chick that he has to bend over at a ninety de-fuckin-gree angle to hug runs up and hugs him. Now thats no big deal, I know a lot of girls that do that to guys that they know and have no kind of actual relationship with. No big deal. But then, with me rite there, she starts to flirt with him and touch him. Now thats one thing, but then he starts flirting back. And he's giving her the same look that he used to give me! And he KNOWS I'm rite there. I was a good two inches from him.
I have one word for you, SLUT. Oh and whore and asshole. So, yeah, three words. slut, whore and asshole. In that order. And I mean Erik, not the girl.
So know I'm desperately on the hunt for a baseball bat. Thats rite - I'm going after his car. I'd take a knife with me and cut the gas line but that sounds a bit drastic. I just want to smash his car, not kill him. Oh, did I say "smash"? I meant demolish. I want it too look like the aftermath of one of those suicide bombers in Iraq.
Theres only one problem with this. And its not the need of a baseball bat cause i have friends who are willing to get me one. In fact I think that they want me do demolish his car more than I do. And Its not the getting in trouble part, 'cause it would be worth it. After all, it is the cheapest form of therapy. But no, the problem is that I cant tell his piece of crap car from all the other piece of crap cars. Its an indescribably plain black car. I've ridden in it like three times. And even after I just got out of it, I could have turned directly around and still not recognized it.
So yeah, I can't find his car to beat the shit out of it. And don't think that I am a very destructive person. In fact I would not normally do that kind of thing. The only reason I have even been pondering the thought is because he was such an asshole about it.
But listen to me, I'm getting all hostile again. And apparently hostile for me means a few broken tail lights. So I think that I had better cool off a bit.
And for every guy out there, please, don't be an Erik. Assholes, no matter how sweet, are still assholes. In fact, they are the ones that are never gonna get laid cause damn he's such an asshole. And a slut. And a whore. Not in that exact order.