Two Guys, a Text and One Very Pissed Off Chick

OK, so everyone knows that I was going out with Leo. This is a was because he was treating me like crap in more than one way. And the thing about me is, I refuse to be stuck in a relationship that I'm unhappy in. I refuse to be like one of those women on the lifetime channel who just deals with the crap boyfriend by saying, "but he love me" over and aver like a mantra from hell. Thats, just not me, I'm too strong for that. I took gravel to the face and won, I mean come on. Thats why only a few close friends here at the college knew about the way that he was treating me. I didn't want to worry anyone back home about ALL the details. Especially a certain friend of mine who would be overly worried and upset about the kind of guy that I had ended up with. What can I say though, I have had a knack for attracting the wrong sort of guys. Now normally I wouldn't let everyone know how he was treating me over a blog like this but the only way that I can tell you the rest of the story is to include this. The thing about Leo was that he was pushing me into sex each time. He would push and harass me until I just gave in and said fine. I never really wanted to and I have no idea why I actually was weak enough to give in each time. He had this way of knowing just what buttons to push (and I don't mean sexually). Also he started treating me like a fuck buddy, and he had a knack for saying things that could be pretty hurtful at times. So yeah he was not worth it.
The thing of it is, I wanted to break up with him before thanksgiving break because I was going home and I wanted it done and over with. The thing is he suddenly left for NYC for thanksgiving and didn't even tell me. I had to find out through a friend. So that plan was dashed. Then I thought that I could tell him when I got back to college. But he wasn't there. And a few days later I found out through another friend (because as you can guess the bastard hasn't sent word to me in the past two weeks about anything, let alone where he is) that he was going to be gone for another week. Now I've been sitting on the way that he treated me for the past two weeks and it seems like the more I though about it, the more I hated him for the way that he's been treating me.
Well, this is where the plot kind of thickens. Theres this guy that I know here named Caleb. We've met and chatted and all a few times and he's this really nice guy. He's very "blue collar", very respectful towards women, nice, funny and an all around nice guy. Well, I was mad the other day about Leo, and was sitting in the lounge and Ray left and it was just me, Caleb and a couple other random people that I know. I was sitting on the couch next to his couch. Well, he looked over at me and was like "come hither" and patted the seat next to him. I laughed because I thought he was joking, but then he said it again and so I did. I mean I trust the guy a lot more then I trust a few of my exes. Well, we chat for a few minutes and he ends up looking over at me and asks, "do you want to go somewhere and,you know, get to know each other a bit more?" Now I got it rite away by the way he said it but he also made it sound like a joke at the same time. And so I just laughed. And then he looked at me and said something like, "you think I'm joking" and I just looked at him. And then everything rushed into my head, all the crap ways that Leo treated me. But especially the times that he pushed me into sex and how I didn't want to, I just gave in each time after he pushed for so long. And I though about how in this situation I had a choice. He wasn't saying, come on we're gonna have sex now, he was asking me. I had the rite to say yes or no. No, i had the power to say yes or no. The situation was in my hands. So I said yes. And I cheated on Leo. And I want everyone to know that I know that what I did was not exactly high up on the ethical charts. I know this and I knew this when I made the decision. I am not the kind of girl that normally does this kind of thing. I just felt that it was something that I had to do. Fir me it wasn't about what we did, it was about the fact that I had the power to stop it, i had the power to keep it going, and I had to prove to myself that things could be and from now on would be done on my terms, and if I wasn't comfortable with the terms, then I was going to stop it and hold fast to my decisions.
The thing is I was still very mad at Leo. For all I knew he could be dead in NYC and he hadn't even tried to contact me in any way shape or form for two weeks. And that anger kind of crescendoed yesterday when I was in Rochester with Ray and Andre. I told them about the way that Leo was treating me a few days into vacation. And they were pissed off at the way that he was treating me too ( of coarse they were also a bit mad at me for not telling them sooner cause Ray said that he wanted to kill him for that). Well, we were talking about it in the mall and I was just so sick of talking about breaking up with him that I just wanted to get it done and over with. Well, Ray said, "why don't you just do it over text?" His reasoning was that after the way he treated me, Leo could use a dose of his own medicine. And why should I try and do the rite thing by him in that aspect when Leo couldn't respect me at all? And you know what? Being mad, fed up with him, and in a general bad mood about the subject, I decided to do it. The following words are the exact text that I sent him and I'm sorry for the explicit language and sheer lack of subtlety - "Hate 2 do this over the phone but u treated me like crap u havnt even tried 2 call me since youve been gone im sick of it oh and im fucking Caleb (click)" . That is the exact message I sent him, including the click. I realize now that I have a bad tendency of shooting my mouth off when I'm really angry and that that probably wasn't the best way to send that text. My bad, but my reasoning was that he's prolly going to be in NYC for a few days where he can cool off about the whole thing before he gets gets back. Well, we ended up texting back and forth over the next hour and a half to two hours, upon which he apologized for the not calling but completely overlooked the pushing me into sex part and how he treated me the rest of the way. So that got me thinking asshole rite there. He then says that because I cheated that means that he did nothing wrong. Yes because we all know that partial rape is negated when you cheat. You have to love a guys reasoning.
Well we had been texting and on the way back to canandagua and he said a lot of stupid crap, but then when I said that i wanted him to get his crap put of my dorm as soon as gets back home he suddenly says "I'm coming over now" Well that confuses me because last I heard he was in NYC, 8 hours away. Come to find out, he's been in Canandagua for the past three days and never thought to tell me. Come to find out he smashed a bottle over some guys head at a bar and is now in legal trouble and is going to be put on probation. Wow, great guy huh? I sure know how to pick 'em don't I? Well, I'm in a car and not home so I tell him that I'll text him when I get home. I arrive home and not a minute after we arrive Ray gets a text on his phone from Caleb that says that Leos at the lounge threatening to kill him. Ray and I then rushed over so that I could give him his small amount of stuff tere, so Ray could either stop or get into the fight that the two could get into, and to make sure that if there is a scene we can see it. And Caleb being the great guy that he is says it's incredibly funny. Thats because it really is, Caleb has a good 6 inches on Leo and is visibly in enough shape to throw some good punches and hold his own in a fight with little effort. I found out after that Leo asked everyone at the lounge if they knew who Caleb was, and Caleb raised his hand, not knowing the full story. Leo looked at him and pretty much deflated. Then he pulled out a cigarette, asked if he smoked, and when Caleb stood up to go and smoke with him, Leo went "wow your tall" and deflated a bit more. Caleb found the entire scene worth it and was laughing about it for quite a while, I was too when I heard the whole thing.
Now because we got there and there was no fight, ray was a little disappointed and he ended up walking with Leo to his place because Leo wanted someone to talk to and Ray was willing to set his anger for him aside to find out what the situation was going to look like, like if it looked like he was going to get violent towards me or if I would have to be careful when I was alone and all. And when he got back and we could talk he said that Leo was actually kind of cool about the whole thing, he was mad at me, but he was more mad at Caleb. Then, last night I get a text from him that just says - die in hell. i was tempted to text back - how about i die and then go to hell, it makes more sense that way, but Ray said this would start a whole new can of worms and so I refrained from that. But at least he is taking it all well.
The thing was to that I actually felt bad about cheating on him like that. I do have a heart and I'm not just some slut off the street. I knew that what I did wasn't exactly very correct or moral. And then I herd the voice mail that he left me. Yet again he made it out like how he treated me was perfectly fine and normal and just focused in the not calling thing, he called me a bitch, and reiterated the whole, he did nothing wrong because I'm the one that cheated thing, among a few other things that he said. And I can tell you all that after that voice mail I felt no shame in what I had done. The parts of me that felt like I should say sorry to him for cheating was obliterated. And I felt no remorse. In my opinion he got what he deserved for how he treated me. And I can tell you all that when it comes to guys I am doing a sort of screening process first and that at the first hint of someone acting like Leo did towards me i am going to drop his ass so fast he wont know what hit him.I have learned from all of this and will not take the hints lightly next time and am starting to see why some women go lesbian, cause damn, guys can give you a migraine and a half.
I want to say rite now that I'm sorry to anyone that gets upset by all of this because I was less than honest with a few people about the whole relationship. Especially Heather, I'm sorry, I just didn't want to admit that it was something that I could not be as strong as I should have been with. i was a little ashamed about the fact that I didn't end it sooner even though he was treating me like that. I'm really sorry you had to here all of this like that. And I'm telling you now that during Christmas break, were gonna get together somewhere secluded and alone, and you can seriously scream and yell and get everything off your chest about me and I wont get mad about anything that you say because I probably deserve every bit of it. It's not fair to you that you are bottling these things inside and I probably need to hear them anyways so we really do need to do that. Please call me sometime heather.


* a few more of the text sequences that you all may get a kick out of-
Leo: Well thanks for cheating in me iv ben fighting in court
Me: Your Welcome

Me: u never tried 2 contact me in the past 2 weeks you would push me into sex and you started to treat me like a fuck buddy instead of a girlfriend
Leo: Ur kiding? U told me u had no minutes
(he never said anything about any other ways that he treated me, he only refuted the not calling part the entire time. talk about an SOB.)

For All Who Don't Already Know

For this if you back home I will be coming back for Thanksgiving. I will be arriving sometime late this Tuesday and will be leaving very early that Sunday. Can't wait to see everyone again. Love ya'll and see you soon, i have many stories to tell and laughs to share.

Another Recap

Hello. I'm actually writing this in the laundry room. Doing the laundry here is awful. It really is, and I don't say that because I don't like laundry or something, cause thats not the problem. The problem is that it costs a dollar twenty five a load. And the dryers are a bit crap cause you have to do the dryer twice to get your clothes dry. I can deal though it's just annoying because its expensive and takes a lot of time out of my day.
I have another dentist appointment tomorrow. I have no idea what it is that they are doing to me now. Unfortunately though my tooth is still not capped so I still have this cute gapped tooth smile. Andre has been so great to because he's driven me to my last two dentist appointments and hes driving me to this one as well. I'm so glad that I have found such good friends here though. No one back home needs to worry about me just because I have such good friends taking care of me up here, making sure that I don't get into trouble or over my head or hurt or anything.
I haven't been able to see Leo since Monday though and probably wont for a couple more days. He's gone to Fairport each day since to be with a friend of his that he hasn't seen in a few years. I think he thinks that I'm mad at him for it though. I will admit though that I was a bit mad at him when I first found out though. You see, my cell phone is out of minutes, completely (it's a track phone, so its a piece of shit) so he knew that he couldn't call me directly. i knew though that he knew that he could call any one of my friends, whos numbers he has, to relay a message to me about it. So I was calling him that day and he never answered his phone, and then later that night, at like 9:30pm to be exact, during my art class, I borrowed some girls phone to try and call him one more time with. He answered, luckily, and there was a lot of noise in the background, and he told me he was gone and that he was gonna be gone for about a week and that he had to go. So yeah at first I was mad because it was like he hadn't even tried to get a hold of me to let me know at all. I don't have a problem with him leaving for a week, I just wanted him to let me know, ya know? Well, I was a bit mad, and i get to my apartment, and about five minutes after I sit at my computer Ray comes knocking at the door, and ten minutes later comes James and Amanda Knocking. The first thing that James says is, "Leo called me at Three and told me to tell you that he's...." You know the rest. So because he tried to tell me, I'm not mad anymore. I talked to him about half an hour ago on Amanda's phone for a few minutes and he sounded like he thought that I was mad at him. I tried to sound cheery though so he wouldn't think that I was, but he still sounded like he thought that I was mad. He didn't say anything about it though, just that he would be back soon and that he missed me and all. I guess that I'll have to reassure him that I'm not mad when he gets back, cause we cant seem to talk on the phone for more than five minutes.
Leo still isn't used to how i react to things. I think it's because he's not used to a girl that doesn't take everything so insanely personal. Like all of the girls that I know that found out about it were like, "we should go have some girl talk so that you can feel better" and all. i was like, "look. I'm not mad or anything, He tried to get a hold of me, and so he's gone for a while. I think I can survive." I mean, I lived 18 years without a boyfriend, I think I can wait a week or so to see my boy. But hey, thats just how I am. Like, i don't go chasing after him like a puppy dog, and I'm not calling him all the time to see if hes busy or what he's doing. In fact he always calls me to see if we can hang out or be together or to go out. Also when we are in a group together, especially my group, I don't just say fuck you to everyone in the group and just focus on him and hang off of him like most girls do. No I continue to talk to everyone and am still a part of the conversation. I mean I sit with him and all while we are, but I don't just zone into him like so many other girls do in a group like that.
I'd love to chat more but my laundry is done and I gotta get to my room. I'l write more later. Love ya.

Everything is looking up

This is just a quick summary of whats going on rite now:
Leo and I are still together and happy
I made a bit of money yesterday so I'm not gonna starve this month
Ray and I are still doing great after the accident
I saw the movie across the universe with Ray and it was really cool
my phone is entirely out of minutes for the month so theres no way to contact me, I cant even open a text message
Oh and I haven't had the money for anything so I've been forced to use paper towels for toilet paper, but no worries cause now I can afford a few rolls.
And I have to go to class so I'll write more later

Love ya

Well, my tooth doesnt hurt anymore....

I got my tooth fixed last Tuesday. Well, by fixed I mean that I had a root canal done on it. So theres a huge gaping hole in my tooth, but there is a temporary cap over it. Luckily it doesn't hurt... now. When it came to getting the root canal done however, well, thats another story. Come to find out I have a higher tolerance for nova cane then the normal person. Cause he injected it into my gums twice, and still the effects wore off within twenty minutes. So he started to drill, and my god did that hurt. then, because he realized i was in agony, he injected the nova cane directly into my tooth. then he started to drill without giving it a few minutes to kick in. So he had to inject more in because after a few more seconds of pain i was in agony again. the mans lucky I have a higher tolerance for pain since the accident or I might have killed him or fainted from it. But thankfully It was done and now I can eat without any pain.It is however still broken so this Tuesday I'm gonna get it capped so that it looks like I never got into an accident. Which is true for the most part because My face doesn't look like its going to be scarred at all, and neither are my elbows or knees. The only place I should have any scars are gonna be on my hands. Which I'm perfectly fine with since I am still alive and there could be a lot worse wrong with me.
Now I wasn't originally gonna add this into my post today, but I met another guy yesterday. well, actually we met about three days after the accident. His name is Leo. Leo Ozzo. He's Columbian, and came over with his family when he was nine. He speaks fluent Spanish still, and is more than fluent in English. And I really like him. He's different from the last guys. In fact I cant type any more rite now because i have to get around for our date tonight. Hopefully we are gonna walk to the bar, FUUL, but I have to call and see if they are gonna have live music playing tonight. If not then we are probably going to take a walk to the waterside. They have these wonderful swinging benches there that are nice to sit on and talk. So I have to dress warm either way cause FUUL is an hours walk away, and the lake will be cold and a little windy. So I gotta go. Love yall.

Another One Bites The Dust or Why Not To Go Van Surfing

Tick off another boyfriend. Im up to three that have not made it. First Erik, who dumped me (asshole), then Joe, who I dumped, and now Garry, whom I also dumped. Well, not really dumped, because I was not that harsh to the poor guy, but we talked and decided that it was best that we each take some time alone, whether he wanted our relationship to end or not.
I'm getting ahead of myself a bit though. I guess that the first news should be that of the accident last Wednesday night. To make a long story short, my friend ray wanted out of the dorms, and texted a friend of his who had a car. Well, more like a van. The best way to describe it is it looked like a drug dealer van. It had the foot board and everything. Well, to cut this down to size, Ray and I were on the passenger side, and ray was talking to the driver who was his friend and so I wasnt really paying close attention to there conversation. Then Ray looked at me and said, put your feet up on the foot board and hold onto the top. .Now before you get ahead of me, I figured that Ray and the guy had done this before, you know, like he'd go 1 mile an hour for a few feet then stop and let us off, no big deal. So I stepped up and held on. The guy new that we were on and yet he sped up and took the corner hard. Both of us lost our footing and fell off. I'd be a lot worse off if it wasn't for Ray pulling me as we fell so that I landed on him. He on the other hand had some major head injuries and a punctured lung from when I landed on him. He was in the ICU for a while and he almost died on Thursday. Thankfully he is out of the hospital and at home with his parents. I am however not sure if he is coming back to college or not. He;s fully healthy now and the doctors gave him the all clear and discharged him but hes been talking on the phone like hes not coming back oor something. I don't know, its really confusing. I'm gonna find out tomorrow though cause a bunch of us are going to visit him tomorrow. I am so grateful for him pulling me like that too, cause I could have come out a lot worse then I did. After all, I just have some large scrapes on my lower face, knee and elbows. Oh and my left front tooth got chipped in half, left an exposed nerve and was pushed up into my gums a bit. It's no big deal though, cause I've got a dentist appointment this Friday and its a preliminary check up to decide what to do next and to get x-rays and all. What I've been told is that I am going to end up getting this one pulled and get an implant put in.
I actually don't care about how I look at the moment though . I still hold my head high when I'm in public and still smile just as much, which as we all know is pretty much all the time. After the accident I've felt a lot more open and even more willing to be me, and i was pretty willing before. And if my friends can believe it, I'm even louder and can voice my beliefs and views on subjects with even more gusto and with out backing down. The accident has shown me how much I can endure and deal with real emergencies. Also, theres the fact that I have survived such an accident with my full mental mind and even with my cuts and tooth that I can still function and take care of myself. I havent let anyone baby me. I've made my own food, called all the dentists in the area myself, even started classes again on Monday and got all of my homework done for them. The only classes I can't do anything in is my art classes because I don't have my glasses and am blind as a bat. My glasses should be coming in the email as soon as possible though, I'm just waiting on the company. But its really shown me that I can survive and that when it comes down to it, you have to live life to it's fullest cause you really DON'T know when it's going to end.
Now I can not say that I did not get any help though because I did. When they took me from the accident they shipped me to Strong Memorial Hospital in Rochester. Now I don't have any family in the area. So I was actually fucked when they discharged me. Luckily though I called my noe ex-boyfriend and he came and got me, and brought a change of clothes, cause they cut all of my clothes off when I was on the stretcher. And I mean ALL of them. So he brought me some of his clothes that actually fit nicely, though I needed a belt for his pants cause they were a bit loose. Also, my parents arrived at my dorm teh next day and my mom brought me some food to heat up and eat that easy to cut up and with what with my broken tooth and some milkshake stuff thats easy to eat and all. Other than that though I've had to do everything myself. I wouldn't even let Garry do normal things for me let alone cook or anything for me, which really frustrated him no end. But yeah, i feel stronger and much more confident since the accident.
Now the whole Gary thing. As some of you know I really enjoyed being with him. For the first while. And he really is a sweet guy. And I do love him in a way. he thing is though he really needs more time. You see, if I haven't explained already, his last girlfriend was his first girlfriend. Thats no big deal for me, but he was really attached to her. They went out for 14 months. And she dumped him on the day of the prom. So He's still in love with her and was mentioning her all the time. I know that he's got a lot to work through, but it was over four months ago and he still could barely stop talking about her. And he was so clingy! He was always hanging on me, laying on me and leaning on me and always had to walk with his arm around me and I could never do anything when he was around cause I couldn't move!!!!! At first it was flattering and cute but then it got annoying really fast. I mean that's called smothering. But he is a sweety and treated me very well and was there when I needed him. Thats why I did it in a really nice way and made it sound like I was the one who needed time to figure things out and work on some issues. I mean, yeah I do have a few to work on when it comes to new relationships, but they are really minor and more like some little mental tweaks I need to do. But yeah, we are still friends and we have a lot of mutual friends so we are gonna end up in the same room again which I have no big deal with. It's just a relationship that didn't really work out, and it's not like I did anything with him that I regret if ya know what I mean. And I do think that I need some time alone rite now. I mean three guys in a month and a half. Even I think, Damn thats crazy. But what happens happens ya know.
I would like to take the time rite now though to thank everyone back home that has had me in there thoughts this past week. I want you all to know that you are all alway sin my heart and I will never forget about you all no matter what happens to me here and no matter who I meet there is no replacement for any of you. So thank you all, I hope to see all of you when I come back for Thanksgiving vacation and I really do miss you all. thank you and goodnight.

Yeah, I like guys, but wow.....

I can't believe that it has only been a month and two weeks that I've been in college. So much has happened. One of my friends came to visit me while he was high. Thankfully he's a sleepy pot head, so he just crashed and fell asleep in the arm chair. Also, and Cara and the guys will be happy to hear this, I got Ray, Andre and Gary into Lunch Money, the most addictive and sadistic card game out there. After all, you play as five year old girls that are beating the crap out of each other for lunch money. It's not a scary game, it just sounds like it. And Ray goes a bit overboard with it cause hes from Rochester and is like that, but it makes it a lot of fun. So yeah, I've sucked even more people into the chasm that is that game.
Then theres the personal aspects of my life. Now some of you know and some of you don't. I never had a boyfriend in highschool. I had a guy that was as close as possible, but nothing ever happened between the two of us. It's not like I never wanted to date, I mean, it was quite the contrary, I really wanted a boyfriend. I just never got one.
Then came college. The beggining of my second week here, I met Erik. We went out for a week, and he dumped me for the short chunky chick from cab. And on a side note, she refused to go out with him, and so know hes going out with a girl thats got him on a diet. Talk about whipped.
Then there was a bit of a stalker problem from a guy named Tim for a little over a week. This guy that I met wanted to go out with me, and I turned him down. Well, he then decided to try to see me by waiting for me after my night classes ended. At ten o'clock at night...where I have a long walk back to my dorms by myself. There was some other problems too that I'm not going to get into. Luckily that whole thing is done and over with.
Then a little while later, I met Joe. Joe and I lasted three days. I dumped him, just so that you know, because I felt that the whole thing was moving too fast and he thought that I was a different more sex addicted kinda girl. Well, I'm a good girl that don't play around like that, so I cut that off quick.
Now go back to Tuesday. here is where I met Gary. And for those of you that know me, you'll know that my brothers name is Garry. So needless to say that I never say his name. Cause that aspect of it kind of creeps me out, but I'm trying to look past that little flaw in the relationship. I'm not sure how long I can look past it. After all I've gotta say his name sometime. But He's really sweet, and he's my first real one hundred percent real boyfriend. He asked me out Wednesday and I kept him on ice until Friday. That night I took him to my favorite place in the world, FUUL. This wonderful Rock bar on main street thats an hours walk away from my dorms. And we sat on the pool table, his arms around me and we listened to a local band called Rebel Jelly. And it was wonderful. It was my first real date date. And I had so much fun, even on the walk back to my dorm in the wind and cold. He's such a great guy. I'm just not sure how long it's going to last. Cause it would be nice if it lasted for a while, but I'm just not good at long term commitments. And thats what he's looking for, some one to rely on for a long time, and I just can't garentee that. I wish that I could, but I'm in college and 18 and just not ready for a long term commitment of the proportion that he is looking for. So I don't know how long that this is going to last.
I can tell you this though, when we do break up, I'm taking a vacation from men. I mean, four guys in a month and two weeks. Even for me thats like, Damn. four guys. Six weeks. You do the math. Thats insane. I want some time to myself. i want to play the game alone for a while. I do however want to see how this thing with Gary works. The only way it might though is if I can get his name changed to something else. And the way I see it is that as long as something good comes out of this relationship then that means something rite. Although, the only good may be that I can have even more jokes about my dating life, what with going out with a guy with the same name as my brother and that leaves me having to call out my own name if we end up having sex.
But yeah, thats whats up with me. So leave some comments and let me know what you think guys. Cause I think that my life is a little messed up at the moment.